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View Full Version : is this anxiety or is it just life??? and i sometimes want to be dead?



stevenr1986
14-09-11, 21:19
;hi. im make 25 in generally good health, rotund but...:D

ever since December 2010 i have had HA all over my EYES. i fear losing my sight more that i fear death, in fact i fear no other form of health related worry. (i did fear my testicles were "ill" but that sorted now with good results!

here is my year since 12/10-

had 18 teeth out leaving me with 3 teeth to eat with (still do) and ALLOT of pain

there was a person next door who said we were neglecting the kids-the school backed us and we were "cleared" of wrong doing-8 weeks of hell over xmas as i love my kids more than me!

quite smoking on 17 December 2010

January my A-level first exam! at the same i started a Law degree

March i was told i was dyslexic (the reason the exams were sssssssssssoooooooo stressing me)
this was a low point in my life tbh:weep:

March April i was told i had A stigma and given glasses (this was a blow to someone who had as the optometry dude put it "iv only seen one or 2 sets of eyes better than yours in my whole life" only a year before.

April and May we had fleas from the next doors cats (all 17 of them as they were going into our bedroom all day and in the night) they were everywhere and cost ££ to remove

June was my birthday-also noticed a black dot in my vision which i ignored as nothing... but i did have a unexplained mark on the cornea? exams again and i freaked as i broke out in spots like never before which i feared would turn to keloid scares as i am susceptible

July came and sh*thit the fan! the kids broke from school and then the day after i had a massive Herpes outbreak type 1 none genital, on the nose, but this time i goggled "herpes in the eye" which send me down a path a wish i had not taken! i freaked and freaked again! but i was given cream for the eye!

then the tingling started and numb feelings too as well as te eye twitching in both eyes! in July again! i thought "bells Palsey" and freaked as it can take sight!

July again, was told "you have a very bad case of dry eye"

August...here we go! "eye floater" and the cream for the herpes i didnt have has changed the chemical composition of the eye meaning i got a floater.
then suddenly on the 31st of aug TINNITUS....

did i mention we have noisy people next door i have had to battle and a sister in law with problem of her own iv taken on too (she is 17 and depressed) as well as gangs to deal with and a horrid boat trip in which i feared for my life...

oh also i was reported for working (when i was not) and was made to wait 3 weeks to see if i was going to lose my income which i did not!

i also feared my wife was going to fail her UNI course so i devoted time to help her in an area of education i know nothing about!

my father is 83 and starts telling me that he feels unwell and is preping for the "end" and here is his last wishes!

i also have what i think are (at the moment) silent migraines, i get visual disturbance in which i see shimmering and it looks like im looking through a fire or heat? i have not been to my docs or opticians as i think iv been there enough and it would only make him annoyed.

iv sought treatment but have asked for CBT but been told "there are none" soo thats that!
but i am reading books!

am i being over reactive or is this allot for one person to deal with?

i have other things that have happened to me but i have forgotten them so may add to the list?

all this has made me want to be dead! as i fear i wont be able to see my son grow up and i wont be able to complete my studies! also i fear that the shimmering is permanent and its another thing i will have to "live" with or live wishing i was dead?

sorry to be depressing!

any one could help?

stevenr1986
14-09-11, 21:20
it should say "male 25" as there may be mistakes as im a poor speller

stevenr1986
14-09-11, 21:24
also i have (in August) developed Tonsil Stones which is another thing to distract me...

eeyorelover
14-09-11, 21:47
"am i being over reactive or is this allot for one person to deal with?"

YES!!!!!!! LOTS for one person to deal with!! I was getting a little anxious reading your post because all you have gone thru were starting to overwhelm me JUST READING IT!

That being said hun there are highs and lows in everyone's life. We can be going along, everything's calm and a series of events happens that turns our life into chaos! Doesn't mean that chaos will last forever. Doesn't mean that we give in to that chaos and let it break us.
Chaos is part of life.
We have to focus on the positive aspects in our lives!
You have children whom you love dearly and I'm sure love you just as much!
You still have your vision!
You are obviously a very intelligent man who is on his way to a degree in law! CONGRATS to you by the way because THAT is an accomplishment on it's own!

The simple truth is bad things will happen. Worrying about what they might be or when they may occur won't keep them from happening but it will make you enjoy the life you have right now less with the worry always hanging around like a black cloud over your everyday life.

The only thing any of us can do is value what we have. Live life every day thankful for the love we have around us and cherish the people in our lives that mean the most to us!
And strive like hell to do the best we can with the hand we are dealt in this life!

Sending you positive thoughts and hugs!
xxx
Sandy

stevenr1986
14-09-11, 22:05
thanks so much for your kind words.

Anxious_gal
14-09-11, 22:24
Holy cow that is an insane amount of stress to cope with no wonder you have anxiety!
Once you have anxiety it can become even harder to cope with stress.

I don't know what you can do about it, but try and avoid stressful situations if you can.
Have you been to your doctor or to therapy? Do you get any free mental health care over there?

stevenr1986
15-09-11, 11:09
Holy cow that is an insane amount of stress to cope with no wonder you have anxiety!
Once you have anxiety it can become even harder to cope with stress.

I don't know what you can do about it, but try and avoid stressful situations if you can.
Have you been to your doctor or to therapy? Do you get any free mental health care over there?

the NHS is a funny thing! i can get penis enlargement or reduction surgery free but when im in need of mental health services there are none!

M155anthr0p3
15-09-11, 11:30
the NHS is a funny thing! i can get penis enlargement or reduction surgery free but when im in need of mental health services there are none!

LOL well at least you still have your humour!