kstevens7
16-09-11, 14:12
Hey everyone,
I'm having a really tough time recently and I don't really feel like there is anyone I can talk to about it. Well, anyone I won't regret talking to about it, so I've decided to come here.
I'm 21 and have had some real problems with worry since I came to university in 2008. I met my now boyfriend during the first week of freshers. I'm now going into my 3rd (actually 4th) year of Law School.
I have a lot of trouble getting thoughts out of my head - this is VERY much true regarding my relationship. I've had one or two episodes where thoughts have escalated from finding something fairly benign on my boyfriend's computer and being angry, to hating men in general for months. It got to the point where I couldn't watch a film with a pretty woman in it with my boyfriend, because I couldn't concentrate on it for fear he would be aroused by her. I don't know how he put up with it. I eventually (One ruined holiday later, I eventually got over this).
Similar things have happened a couple of times since, each obsession lasting a number of months and leading to panic attacks and crying.
Around May 2010 I was put on Citalopram by recommendation of a GP for my anxiety. As almost a separate issue, I stopped eating and sleeping before my 2nd year exams as I was so convinced I was going to fail them. Despite the meds, this happened again this time around although I eventually managed to sit them, and even was able to revise again for the last one. But this isn't really the issue I'm here to post about.
I came of Citalopram cold turkey after those exams. I was fairly convinced it did nothing for me. After being off it for a couple of weeks, I realised how much my boyfriend of three years was driving me crazy. Every little thing he did was irritating me and I stopped looking forward to seeing him in the same way I used to. He didn't make me feel excited; I just felt dread. This was killing me, as it is so unlike me, but I put it down to withdrawing from the Citalopram and being moody with everyone.
However, I now assume that my withdrawal period is long since over (I've been off the pills since May 27th) and yet I am still feeling this way. I'm beginning to obsess over it in the way I have obsessed over things to do with him before. Now, I know for a fact I love my boyfriend but I cannot get these thoughts out of my head. I obsess over them hundreds of times a day, and it ruins any time I get to spend with him. He's beginning to feel unloved and confused. I can't fake the emotions. I miss him when he's not around, he's an amazing person, and I truly, truly cannot imagine my life without him. So why am I having these thoughts?! If I continue this way I'm going to ruin my relationship. I can't get rid of the doubts. I just feel like I can't function properly as a person at the moment. My anxiety is ruining my life.
I should add that I do not want to go back on the Citalopram. Whilst emotionally I might have been slightly more able to control my thoughts, I didn't feel things properly. Plus it killed my sex drive completely. That was going to kill my relationship by itself.
I don't know what to do. There's so much more to this as everything in my life is changing at the moment and its a fairly confusing time. I feel really miserable.
Thank you for reading my post. I guess I'm just looking for someone with a similar experience who can tell me my relationship is going to be okay in a little while, or help me work out how not to feel like this.
I'm having a really tough time recently and I don't really feel like there is anyone I can talk to about it. Well, anyone I won't regret talking to about it, so I've decided to come here.
I'm 21 and have had some real problems with worry since I came to university in 2008. I met my now boyfriend during the first week of freshers. I'm now going into my 3rd (actually 4th) year of Law School.
I have a lot of trouble getting thoughts out of my head - this is VERY much true regarding my relationship. I've had one or two episodes where thoughts have escalated from finding something fairly benign on my boyfriend's computer and being angry, to hating men in general for months. It got to the point where I couldn't watch a film with a pretty woman in it with my boyfriend, because I couldn't concentrate on it for fear he would be aroused by her. I don't know how he put up with it. I eventually (One ruined holiday later, I eventually got over this).
Similar things have happened a couple of times since, each obsession lasting a number of months and leading to panic attacks and crying.
Around May 2010 I was put on Citalopram by recommendation of a GP for my anxiety. As almost a separate issue, I stopped eating and sleeping before my 2nd year exams as I was so convinced I was going to fail them. Despite the meds, this happened again this time around although I eventually managed to sit them, and even was able to revise again for the last one. But this isn't really the issue I'm here to post about.
I came of Citalopram cold turkey after those exams. I was fairly convinced it did nothing for me. After being off it for a couple of weeks, I realised how much my boyfriend of three years was driving me crazy. Every little thing he did was irritating me and I stopped looking forward to seeing him in the same way I used to. He didn't make me feel excited; I just felt dread. This was killing me, as it is so unlike me, but I put it down to withdrawing from the Citalopram and being moody with everyone.
However, I now assume that my withdrawal period is long since over (I've been off the pills since May 27th) and yet I am still feeling this way. I'm beginning to obsess over it in the way I have obsessed over things to do with him before. Now, I know for a fact I love my boyfriend but I cannot get these thoughts out of my head. I obsess over them hundreds of times a day, and it ruins any time I get to spend with him. He's beginning to feel unloved and confused. I can't fake the emotions. I miss him when he's not around, he's an amazing person, and I truly, truly cannot imagine my life without him. So why am I having these thoughts?! If I continue this way I'm going to ruin my relationship. I can't get rid of the doubts. I just feel like I can't function properly as a person at the moment. My anxiety is ruining my life.
I should add that I do not want to go back on the Citalopram. Whilst emotionally I might have been slightly more able to control my thoughts, I didn't feel things properly. Plus it killed my sex drive completely. That was going to kill my relationship by itself.
I don't know what to do. There's so much more to this as everything in my life is changing at the moment and its a fairly confusing time. I feel really miserable.
Thank you for reading my post. I guess I'm just looking for someone with a similar experience who can tell me my relationship is going to be okay in a little while, or help me work out how not to feel like this.