i'm no good to anyone anymore!

[rainbow]

i've been suffering from anxiety for nearly 4 months now. I've convinced myself that i have bowel cancer. I've had a change in my bowel habits for 3 months, diahoreah now and again, loose stools, normal stools and now for the last 2 days i've been constipated. I've had problems with lower back pain for yeaes but recently its been worse and now i'm connecting the two and imagining the worst.

I'm on citalopram and propranolol and was receiving cbt but my therapist has referred me to the MHT as she does'nt think she can help me. She also said she has concerns for my children aged 4 and 7. My kids are my life and i try hard to protect them from this but i'm failing.

Getting out of bed is a huge task, let alone doing the everyday things. I'm feeling terribly depressed. I'm on the verge of losing my job, my relationship with my partner is suffering and now i'm terrified i'll lose my kids, if that happened i would die.

We're going on holiday to Turkey in 2 weeks' god knows how i'm gonna cope, but i have to for my family.

Sorry for this long post, just had to get it out.
















Getting out

[stuart39]

hi
sorry to hear about the problems. the constipation is probably the worse compared to the runs etc. this may signal a real problem that youve got to go and see the GP about.
if you have any blood in your stools then get the GP straightaway is my advice.
i have had a sigmoidoscopy to check all the rectum and bowel. it doesnt hurt and is a quick way to rule out certain conditions.
if you go on the holiday before seeing your GP then do not travel without adequate insurance should the condition become a major problem abroad.
i think back pain kind of goes with the territory with bad bouts of constipation.
its far far too early to start thinking about things like cancer and besides that it treatable if caught early on.

[countrygirl]

Have you told your GP about your bowel symptoms and if so what did they say. Depending on how old you are if you have had altered bowel symptoms for 6 weeks then Drs have to do certain tests for example - full blood count, fecal occult blood screen ( invisible blood in poo) and a sample sent off for bacterial analysis. If anything untoward shows up in these tests then obviously they will send you for further tests or if you are unhappy even with normal results your Dr can send you for a sigmoidoscopy that will look at first 3rd of your bowel which is where most bowel cancer is - this is not that bad a test and over with quickly. So thats the practical side:) on the mental health side why is your cbt therapist worried about your children if I may be so bold as to ask ( you don't need to answer) is it because you are neglecting them by being so worried and depressed all the time???? Beleive me the cbt therapist would have to be extremely worried that harm would come to your children before they would ever contact social services as this would be breaking the patient therapist trust ( we would never tell them anything if they rushed to social services) so I am sure you can relax on that front.

If you haven't discussed your bowel issues with your Dr then why not try writing down your list of symptoms and what you would like to have done to reassure you and then you don't even need to speak to Dr to begin with just hand them the note and then discuss it afterwards - this can stop you getting over emotional with them first off and give you breathing space.

[xfilme]

sounds like its most likely to be a digestive problem causing the changes in your stools. bear in mind citalopram, and any other antidepressants, block your absorption of essential nutrients through your digestive tract, resulting in unpredictable bowel movements. taking a strong, quality multivitamin with iron should help get things back on track, as would live active culture yogurt. i would try this before freaking out about something serious, because i was on citalopram for 2 years and suffered the same problems. might be worth a try. x

[rainbow]

thanks for the replies,

I've had ibs for 20 years now so bowel issues are not unusual for me, its just that this has been going on for a while. Things have been improving but i've not been eating properly because of the anxiety.

I have spoken to my gp and she is going to refer me for a colonoscopy, although she said she's 99% sure its nothing serious. In fact she left it up to me to decide whether or not to go for it.
Countrygirl,

I know from reading some of your posts that you've had bowel issues, how long have you had them?

As far as my kids are concerned, i'm not neglecting them, they are having their needs met but i am depressed and not giving them enough of me. They don't seem at all affeccted by this but i know i'm not doing a good job.

[daisydoo]

Oh i feel so sad for you and know how you feel. Your children will not be taken away. You are a good mom who loves her kids and looks after them you just feel a bit empty about it. I have some health ussues i obssess about. My greatest fear is leaving my kids which is ironic as i am not really been the mom i want to be. Took them out yesterday. Something not that long ago i would have thought nothing about. I was anxious, would i have palps, chest pain, bowel problems etc. But the kids loved and thier faces were so excited. Going to make myself do more mom things. I do feel in a panic thou so hope it gets easier. My husband does not understand anymore so we dont seem to speak really. Just day to day stuff. Its got to get better. If it was me i would have the colonoscopy even thou the test and then the waiting would be awful you could then put it behind you. Good luck x

[rainbow]

hi daisydoo,

I really want to do things with my kids but its so difficult and i feel so guilty. I'm falling apart and don't know what to do.

I am going to have the colonoscopy but there will be a 5 week wait or so and i don't know how i can go on for much longer feeling this way. I'm extremely anxious when i leave the house and have only been going out when i have to.

Just want to sleep cos then i don't have to think.

[daisydoo]

I constantly feel guilty about my children. I know i shout alot more than i normally would. But its hard work anyway when you are feeling well. Try not to feel guilty a think i am doing the best i can at this time. You obviously care very very much. I am very protective and dont think this is a good,thing. Try to except help now and not think i am a failure if i do. Last yeat i was scared to take the kids to school in case something happened made any excuse not to do it myself. Going try not to this year but again wont beat myself up if i cant. And,remember at the end of the day you are thier mom and thats all that mattets to them xx