saltburnbill
20-09-11, 10:26
I've had bouts of depression and anxiety since my late teens and now I'm 52.
Most recently I had a "breakdown" after taking a new job. I'd been unemployed for months and got a new job - yippee. I live in the UK and the new job was in Cyprus. To cut a long story short, I arrived late on Saturday morning and started work on Monday, resigned on Tuesday, and back in the UK on Wednesday. I had panicked -- I thought I might do something stupid, totally crack up, felt I couldn't handle it, was too hot, having to set up home etc. Ever since, and this was months ago I've regretted it big time and I constantly rerun the whole situation and how my life would have been so much better if I'd somehow managed to stick it out. I guess I feel a big failure and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel and I don't see any future.
As far as treatment goes -- after nearly fifteen years of being on Seroxat I've been weaned off them onto Mirtazapine. These don't have as bad a side effects as Seroxat but they don't seem to be doing much for my depression either. The worse thing I find with the mirtazapine is having fairly loose bowels. I think because the underlying reason for my anxiety -- the constant reliving of my bad experience -- I'm making it harder to get better. I just keep having to beat myself up about it -- I can't stop it -- I've almost developed a slight phobia about the UK itself. Sometimes I get in the car and when I'm driving I just scream in frustration.
I also feel so alone -- desperately lonely.
Been told by Psychs in the past that I suffer from separation anxiety. Just a lable though and what's the "cure".
Most recently I had a "breakdown" after taking a new job. I'd been unemployed for months and got a new job - yippee. I live in the UK and the new job was in Cyprus. To cut a long story short, I arrived late on Saturday morning and started work on Monday, resigned on Tuesday, and back in the UK on Wednesday. I had panicked -- I thought I might do something stupid, totally crack up, felt I couldn't handle it, was too hot, having to set up home etc. Ever since, and this was months ago I've regretted it big time and I constantly rerun the whole situation and how my life would have been so much better if I'd somehow managed to stick it out. I guess I feel a big failure and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel and I don't see any future.
As far as treatment goes -- after nearly fifteen years of being on Seroxat I've been weaned off them onto Mirtazapine. These don't have as bad a side effects as Seroxat but they don't seem to be doing much for my depression either. The worse thing I find with the mirtazapine is having fairly loose bowels. I think because the underlying reason for my anxiety -- the constant reliving of my bad experience -- I'm making it harder to get better. I just keep having to beat myself up about it -- I can't stop it -- I've almost developed a slight phobia about the UK itself. Sometimes I get in the car and when I'm driving I just scream in frustration.
I also feel so alone -- desperately lonely.
Been told by Psychs in the past that I suffer from separation anxiety. Just a lable though and what's the "cure".