Bad Day

[lazypete]

I haven't posted in this forum for a very long time , actually i have only posted once and that was as a newbie in 2008, whoa didn't realize it was that long ago

well its back and worse than ever , the fear , the anxiety and for no reason
although i have always been carrying it , only recently has it raised its head and really kicked me down ,

In the last year , i have managed to get my own place , hold down a part-time job for 8 months now (which i am proud of). the anxiety has been there but i have dealt with it , that's a lie actually i haven't dealt with it or confronted it , but somehow managed to edge it out of my mind and get by the best i can , which has been good enough ,

things have been compromised , i haven't had a holiday in 5 years , i avoid all family social gathering of importance , and it has taken a chunk out of my friendships with people ,

today , especially this morning , really got me down , in the last month i have turn down my step-brothers engagement party , my excuse i wasn't well , real excuse i was shit scared to travel for 45 minutes of the journey to the venue and then meet friends i haven't seen or spoke to for years , i missed a family friends 40th birthday and had no excuse for distance to travel because the venue is just round the corner from my home , but for no reason had over bearing fear , which made me stay in alone that night , and then today i was due to go to a funeral of one of my best friends dad who died a fortnight ago,

i had my clothes ready ,timetable planned then all of a sudden while eating breakfast , complete fear came over me , and all though i wanted to fight it and push through , i realized early on i would quit and admit defeat ,

now i am sitting indoors , with my mind spinning , and writing these thoughts down ............

i thought i was doing well . i think i was misleading myself into thinking ignoring the problem was solving it

time to get some help again
internet for the moment
doctors appointment next week i think

Bad Day :weep:

[danny_s]

sorry to hear its came back. is there no way you can push through something sorry if that sounds stupid but i dont suffer from these so i am still learning about them

[zoe050]

Hey Pete well if it makes you feel any better, Nothing ever freaking works out for me.

I try and avoid travelling on the tube because i get panic attacks when im on it. it all goes white, i feel like im going to die and i start suffocating.

My friends are in Ibiza, and i couldnt go cause i didnt have enough money. Im seeing all these posts on facebook about them having an awesome time here. Im so bummed, because im so skint because work is really scarce right now and i finally got a day's work today and i lost my phone last night cause i went out and got drunk and then didnt have an alarm, so i woke up an hour and a half after i was suppose to be at work then so because i didnt have a phone, i had to email my agent and tell her i was running late.. then the bus had a massive diversion while i was on it and took forever. I got to the station, couldnt figure out where i had to go to, went and sat in an internet cafe for like 40 minutes to try and get onto my agent and still didnt hear back.. So.. I didnt end up going to work, and it was my first day with a new agency..

I've also gained weight so clothes shopping this afternoon was depressing and i didnt buy anything, and then i ate on the way home, it was grose, i found a hair in my food and then i spewed it all up when i got home, because, oh yeh, im also bulimic.

Things have been going wrong for me for over a year now. It sucks. I have no family in this country and i'm completely on my own (apart from having my close friends here). I get screwed over by boys all the time. Even the ones that i 'lower my standards for' LOL. It amazes me how it is universally possible for everything to go wrong. literally everything. Nothing works out. Everything ****s up.

Fortunately though, my friend had my phone, which was lucky, because it already is my second phone in a month because i lost my last iphone 4 at a festival and it didnt have insurance so i am now paying 82 pounds a month because i had to take out another contract to get a new phone.

F my life. I know!

But remember, it could be worse.. U could be as messed up as i am, because even though u had a bad day, there is always someone out there having a tougher time than you.. My 'bad day' turned into a 'bad week', 'bad month', 'bad year'.. Its been longer than a year now.. and im still holding on tight and sailing thru it, because even though its bad right now, things never stay bad for long.. and just think how sweet it will feel when things do go right again?

Hope this makes you feel better!

[MiniatureDisasters]

Maybe don't think of it as a bad day but a good day. You've realised that you're not happy with the way things are going, and you want to do something about it.

Don't be too hard on yourself, like you say, you've achieved a lot. You've managed to get your own place and a job. Even though you think you've been ignoring your anxiety, you must have had to confront it and deal with it day to day to get these things.

Maybe next time you have a situation you want to back out of, like your step-brother's engagement party, try and push through it. You may surprise yourself. It may be horrible and you may not enjoy it, but it'll give you confidence for next time and things will get easier. Maybe try taking each step one at a time. "I'll finish my breakfast, that's all I have to do for now" "I'll get dressed" "I'll leave the house". etc etc I've pushed through these panicky feelings with certain situations, and while it's really horrible, I now have the confidence that I can deal with these in future.

I feel in a similar position at the moment, I have a holiday coming up that I just want to back out of and had a major panic (as this is a "new" situation to where I've panicked before). I've realised that I've been doing okay, but maybe I need to get some extra help to really get to the issue.

One thing I'd advise, though people may disagree, if the doctor offers you medication as the only option, don't feel that you have to take it. I was in a similar position about a year ago, decided not to take the meds, and got through it by forcing myself (though I understand everyone is different, it's just sometimes all doctors give as an answer is medication when there are other options like counselling).