lazypete
21-09-11, 14:13
I haven't posted in this forum for a very long time , actually i have only posted once and that was as a newbie in 2008, whoa didn't realize it was that long ago
well its back and worse than ever , the fear , the anxiety and for no reason
although i have always been carrying it , only recently has it raised its head and really kicked me down ,
In the last year , i have managed to get my own place , hold down a part-time job for 8 months now (which i am proud of). the anxiety has been there but i have dealt with it , that's a lie actually i haven't dealt with it or confronted it , but somehow managed to edge it out of my mind and get by the best i can , which has been good enough ,
things have been compromised , i haven't had a holiday in 5 years , i avoid all family social gathering of importance , and it has taken a chunk out of my friendships with people ,
today , especially this morning , really got me down , in the last month i have turn down my step-brothers engagement party , my excuse i wasn't well , real excuse i was shit scared to travel for 45 minutes of the journey to the venue and then meet friends i haven't seen or spoke to for years , i missed a family friends 40th birthday and had no excuse for distance to travel because the venue is just round the corner from my home , but for no reason had over bearing fear , which made me stay in alone that night , and then today i was due to go to a funeral of one of my best friends dad who died a fortnight ago,
i had my clothes ready ,timetable planned then all of a sudden while eating breakfast , complete fear came over me , and all though i wanted to fight it and push through , i realized early on i would quit and admit defeat ,
now i am sitting indoors , with my mind spinning , and writing these thoughts down ............
i thought i was doing well . i think i was misleading myself into thinking ignoring the problem was solving it
time to get some help again
internet for the moment
doctors appointment next week i think
Bad Day :weep:
well its back and worse than ever , the fear , the anxiety and for no reason
although i have always been carrying it , only recently has it raised its head and really kicked me down ,
In the last year , i have managed to get my own place , hold down a part-time job for 8 months now (which i am proud of). the anxiety has been there but i have dealt with it , that's a lie actually i haven't dealt with it or confronted it , but somehow managed to edge it out of my mind and get by the best i can , which has been good enough ,
things have been compromised , i haven't had a holiday in 5 years , i avoid all family social gathering of importance , and it has taken a chunk out of my friendships with people ,
today , especially this morning , really got me down , in the last month i have turn down my step-brothers engagement party , my excuse i wasn't well , real excuse i was shit scared to travel for 45 minutes of the journey to the venue and then meet friends i haven't seen or spoke to for years , i missed a family friends 40th birthday and had no excuse for distance to travel because the venue is just round the corner from my home , but for no reason had over bearing fear , which made me stay in alone that night , and then today i was due to go to a funeral of one of my best friends dad who died a fortnight ago,
i had my clothes ready ,timetable planned then all of a sudden while eating breakfast , complete fear came over me , and all though i wanted to fight it and push through , i realized early on i would quit and admit defeat ,
now i am sitting indoors , with my mind spinning , and writing these thoughts down ............
i thought i was doing well . i think i was misleading myself into thinking ignoring the problem was solving it
time to get some help again
internet for the moment
doctors appointment next week i think
Bad Day :weep: