Smiling at me or laughing at me

[Towers]

Hi,

When I talk to people and they are smiling I always think to myself " are they smiling at me or are they laughing at me " ....and I usually tend to think they are laughing at me....Or am I just being paranoid....

Does anyone else feel like this?


Thanks.

[M155anthr0p3]

Why would they be laughing at you?
You should grin back...like a cheshire cat..& make them paranoid! x

[Towers]

Hi M155anthr0p3,

Thanks for your reply.

I have social anxiety and I'm not a very self-confident person. Also, for some reason I can't seem to differentiate between smiling/grinning/laughing. Probably just a confidence thing - but I just wondered if anybody else had the same kind of thoughts....but obviously not...just me!:blush:

Towers

[Heather23]

Hello Towers,

I just wanted to say I read ur post and am very much the same as you, I always worry that Im being laughed at, or at the receiving end of a joke, even if I have no rational for beliving so and it makes me very wary in social settings. If Im leaving a room and hear laughing I automatically assume it is me, even if I have done nothing to warrant it. Its left me being very quiet and withdrawn to reduce any unwanted attention away from me. I very much believe it is linked to low self confidence and low self esteem, both of which I suffer from badly. I just wanted you to know your not on your own! And I know I should take my own advice but just wanted to say that chances are it is not you that they are laughing it, it is just your socal anxiety tricking you into thinking they are so try and tell yourself that in your times of doubt and worry. Try and think of all the good qualities you have and relaise the potential that they are actually saying kind things about you. I know is easier said than done, I guess sometimes we just over analyse situations seeing ourselves in such a negative light and its a hard cycle to break free from. I hope that things improve for you soon.

Take care and all the best,

Heather :) xxx

[Towers]

Hi Heather23,

Thanks for your reply.

I agree with alot of the things in your post - especially the part about hearing people laughing and automatically thinking they are laughing at me. Not that it even matters what other people think of us anyway.... wether they like us or not!.... I just find it hard sometimes to get the negative thinking out of my head.

Towers:)

[Lion King]

Hi Towers,

I can relate, I used to think all the same things and just recently I have started reacting when people are laughing. My way of dealing with this has always been difficult even to the point where when I used to meet new people I automatically assumed people disliked me as my confidence and self esteem had hit an all time low.

I convince myself when somebody is laughing that it is not personal and if there is an issue I simply step away as confrontation is not always the key to stopping this but to show no reaction is bad for their own reputation. I've seen this first hand where I would show no reaction when an attempt to dominate by stupidifying myself failed, the person kept on until they felt comfortable in themselves that they had the upperhand, I resisted and it came to blows where I never backed down, it can be a dog eat dog world but thats when I was full of confidence and would take no crap. As time goes on we all mellow and just laugh it off!

By the way I don't condone coming to blows to I believe in stading up for yourself.

All the best

Lion King

[brambles]

To be honest, I wouldn't know if someone was smiling at me of laughing at me as I avoid eye contact with everyone and mostly look down. However, I feel their eyes on me, especially in busy places like shopping centres.

[Anxious_gal]

I think when people smile at you its because they are happy to see you, I assume they would look in your eyes and smile.
some one who is laughing at you, or smirking, wouldn't spend as long making eye contact and they may just role their eyes

[Towers]

Hi,

Lion King: brambles: mishel: Thanks for all your replies too :)

I always tend to think that people dislike me - but I do this because that way I won't be disappointed if they do not like me.

When I am out /or shopping I don't really look at people's faces anymore - that way I don't know what they are doing - laughing or not. Probably not the right thing to do but...:shrug:


Towers.

[AngryMonkey]

Hi Towers,

I feel like this about certain people too. I used to work with a guy who seemed to constantly smirk like he was trying not to laugh and I always felt really self-conscious.

I work with a lot of two-faced people who talk about others behind their backs and are nice as pie to their face and it's made me really worry about what they are saying about me.

Recently, I didn't go to a friend from works engagement party because I was so paranoid that they all disliked me after a colleague blocked me on facebook - I still don't know why because she's the only one I've been able to talk to about my medication. I daren't ask!

I find that I read too much into things to the point that I start to look for a problem when there isn't one there. It's affecting my work life and also putting strain on my relationship because I'm so accusatory.

:blush:

I'm sure people are just smiling, same as they are at all of us. I just wish we could all believe it all of the time!

Angela

[FelicityMarie]

Hello Towers :)

When I speak to my counsellor about this problem (because I feel exactly the same), she says to me 'Why do you think people would always want to look at you and laugh at you and talk about you? Don't you think that's a bit self centered to think that everyone is always concentrating on you?' and you know what, she's probably right. Why would people always want to look at us? And laugh at us? And talk about us? And think things of us? And keeping this in mind, I always think of her saying that when I think people are looking/laughing/talking about me! Don't get me wrong, they very well could be, but it's all in the mind :winks:

Good luck with this :hugs:

[cathycrumble]

I always used to think people were laughing or skiting me until a friend of mine said. why do you always think they are being nasty and saying something horrible about you? She said I always think they are saying things like "She looks nice" or "I love what she's wearing" and nice things like that. So from that moment on I did the same and it was soo good I felt great. It's a bit like CBT turning a negative into a positive. and it feels good. Just try it.

Cathy :D xx

[Towers]

Hi,

AngryMonkey: FelicityMarie; cathycrumble:

Thanks for your replies. I will have to try and take your advice and change my way of thinking about these things :)

Towers

[SANick]

I go through the same paranoia nearly every time I leave the house OP. I cannot seem to enjoy any social occasion without thinking some people or someone is laughing at me. I don't help the situation much myself because I always stare around to see if people are looking at me which in turn often probably makes them start to look at me!