I want to die

[DesperateDaisy]

I want to kill myself so badly but I don't have the balls. There isn't one person, not one, on this earth who would really care if I managed to finish it. I am alone. In the truest sense of the word. I know that if I get to tomorrow I'll be embarrassed that I posted this and I'll take it down. And I might be ok for a little while. But just a while. And then sooner rather than later I will feel like this again. One day it will eventually be too much, too painful and I'll manage it. Oh my, if only guns were legal here I wouldn't have to even come here and write this. Not sure even why I am. Maybe cos I want someone, anyone to tell me that it'll be ok and that I will feel better. Even tho I know it's bull. Every breath that I take hurts. Hurts my heart. How I wish this crap existence was over.

[DesperateDaisy]

By the way, for anyone who wants a giggle, I called the Samaritans and got an answer machine!! Perhaps that's a sign.....

[bottleblond]

Daisy

What made you feel like this hun?

Ive been there too. When nothing seems worth it and all you feel is pain, hurt, anger and frustration but please believe me when i say that things can and will improve.

I don't know what's gone on in your life but there is help out there hun. I promise you that

Lisa
xxx
:hugs:

[Mirabelle]

Dear daisy
We all feel as you do at times. It does seem that death is the only way out, but there are other ways too. You say you are alone, we are all alone ultimately and we have to go through life's challenges ourselves. You have people here who understand and are ready to help by listening and talking with you. Try to think of one thing that you have experienced in your life that was good and know that you can feel like that again.
I hope you feel better soon
Sending hugs
X

[mrk74]

Hi Daisy :hugs:

I know exactly how you feel. I wanted to kill myself a few months ago but I couldn't do it. I lost everything in my life and I was rock bottom. But things do get better, they do honestly. Im very alone myself and I know how depressing it can be but i know things will get better for me. Please dont hurt yourself, Your'e a special and wonderful person and things will get better for you I promise. Stay strong.

:hugs::hugs:

[Rain]

Daisy-This is a passage that helped me when all seemed lost. Maybe it will help you:-

At one time or another it’s likely you will feel that your life has hit a brick wall. You may feel that there are no solutions to your problems and your life will never change for the better. This time may even be now.

During such times, you must look back and remember the past obstacles you faced and conquered. Remind yourself of how you confronted and overcame them. Those challenges seemed as difficult as the ones you may be facing now.

Use your memories to reassure yourself that you will get through these hopeless feelings.

You did it before and you’ll do it again. Relief is just around the corner.

[DesperateDaisy]

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I know everyone has their struggles. I just feel like I've been here too many times. I'm just tired. And so desperately sad that I just don't want to do it anymore. Luckily I'm a coward so I'll be here to cry thru another day

[selphie]

daisy
your post really scares me just reading it has made me really anxious i joined nmp coz death was the very thing i am afraid of.
nothing is worth taking your own life for even tho sometimes i really feel that i can no longer go on.
i dont know you but i would care very much if you killed yourself just reading your post has unnerved me.

has anything happened today thats made you feel this way? sometimes i know it feels like ppl dont care there probley to bothered getting on with there own life i feel like this nearly all the time sometimes even resenting my husbend for enjoying life when im so down and depressed.
hate the fact that his life is so perfect.

please try and cheer up there is ppl that do care.xxxxx

[Anxious_gal]

In my own experience I learned that when no one seems to care about me I have to care about my self.
Once I care about myself then other people seem to start caring too.
No one is coming to save you, you have to take that FIRST step on your own, by going to the doctor, seeking out PROFESSIONAL help .
You need to live life for you and no one else.

They are different stages of suicide.
Thinking about it.
Writing a letter
Having a solid plan of how to do it
setting a date
Then......

I got as far as writing a letter, I was only 16, my family threw me out because I was too agoraphobic to go to school and kept having panic attacks. I was branded a drug user despite never doing drugs and an attention seeker.
I figured I might as well go to my doctor..... So I did, I got medication which really helped me at the time. I also got therapy too which helped.
I had zero family or friend support but with the help of meds and therapy the cloud finally cleared.

If you are that suicidal then you should go to the doctor, get meds and therapy.
OR go into the hospital and stay there for a few days, take the meds , most hospitals offer a lot of extra support, therapy, group therapy,

You do have the choice of getting better.

For drug resistant depression , therapy with daily exercise can help it is a natural antidepressant.
There has been a lot of success with electric shock treatment too. As controversial as it is it has given many people their lives back .

Depression hurts, MRI scans have shown that, emotional pain can be just as bad as psychical pain.
One thing I find hard to accept is, that if I were bleeding people would rush to my aid and help me but if I was depressed not so much.

You can loose friends due to depression because it's hard for people to be around someone that is sad and moody all the time. It's hard for them to share their joy and happiness with the depressed person knowing it hurts them.
I find when my mood is low, happy people can make me feel worse.

Sorry if my tone is coming across as cold, I'm a bit closed off at the moment.

Another things is the EXTREME loneliness that part really hurts, that's why therapy is good and even group therapy too or ringing up a help line.
I would suggest trying to ring back or call AWARE the depression helpline, they also have group meetings which you can attend :)

Look back at all your happy pictures, remember all your happy memories.
The brain is weird, it recalls memories based on emotion.
So when we get stuck in depression ALL we remember is pain which makes us feel worse, so happy pictures can help trigger happy emotion.

I'm not sure how deep into your depression you are, but because of your post I do know you WANT to better and you do want help, so please try and find someone, be it a doctor or therapist, or the hospital who can help you.

[DesperateDaisy]

I have planned it many times. Extensively. Meticulously. I know where I want to be, how I want to go. Someone said to look back on the good memories, because they will happen again. I have none, no truly good times to look back on. I have nothing to live for. Nothing. And no-one. Maybe some people just aren't supposed to live. We're not all the same, right? Different strokes for different folks. Some people just aren't supposed to be happy...just like some aren't supposed to be rich. Different strokes for different folks. Simple.

[macc noodle]

Daisy

I feel so sad reading this last post you have written - Maybe some people just aren't supposed to live.

Honey, you need to get some help whilst you are feeling so low - have you seen a doctor and told them excactly how you feel?

There is help out there - even your accident and emergency should have a mental health crisis team on hand.

Please please ring your GP or out of hours doctor today - as soon as possible - and tell them how you feel.

All is not lost and I promise you that with some help you will stop to feel like this in the end.

Daisy what would you do if you broke your leg and you could not stand? You would not sit at home for months waiting for it to get better would you ? The exact same rule applies to depression - there is help out there please go and ask for it.

Macc Noodle

[Magic]

Dear Daisy,
Please please take notice of what everyone has said. I cannot add anything more.
Love x

[Franky]

Dear Dasisy,

To be honest with you Lately I felt the same and I promise you that in my mind I have killed myself 100 times at least every day, suicide felt like the easy way out. But then I was contradicting myself with all I have learned and been trained. We all feel alone and that there is no one who cares about us and yu feel constantly lonely, helpless and your life doesn't make any sense. Now think this way if you'd be to commit suicide you won't get the chance to see how your life will turn out- it can be a good one - now you can't go back to the beginning
and start all over again but you can start having a happy end.
Have you talked with your Gp? She/he can help you and guide you in the right direction all we have to do is to ask for help if we don't people around us will never know what is going on in our head.

I hope you are a better and you make the right decision. life is full of unexpected events and it hits us when we least expect it- but we have the choice to choose!
:-)