MrsNonSmoker
24-09-11, 22:30
Tonight is the night I want to get my story down as clearly as possible.
About a year ago I started to get the idea that something was terribly wrong with me. I just had a dreadful feeling. About the same time I started to get some visual disturbances, kept going fuzzy, then headaches, then dizziness. First thoughts? Brain tumour of course, you knew that!! So I got a referral to a neurologist. Whilst all that was going on, I thought I pulled a muscle in my left ribs. Ignored it. Also ignored the fact that if I lay on my back, my ribs felt like they were being pulled down from inside - I am hugely overweight, so assumed it was fat pressing on my organs. Anyway, I like to sleep on the left so that was ok. Kept thinking I must see GP about pulled muscle, after all, I'd had it for over 8 months, when at the end of July I made a fateful decision.
Only a few days before my neurology appointment, we were rushed for dinner so we had a rare Indian takeaway - have been trying to economise so not had anything like that for months. Huge meal, towards the end I thought blimey I am out of practice! Could barely finish it. Little did I know my life wouldn't be the same again as the next day I began to get the most bizzare pains in this "pulled muscle". It was as if I had a full term baby inside me, exactly the same as when I was pregnant. This "thing" kicked my bowels, scraped across my bladder and generally thrashed about in my chest cavity and abdomen. And once it started, it never stopped. 8 weeks later, it has still never stopped. Now, don't get me wrong, sometimes it might calm down for an hour or so, but not stop, its always there.
This "thing" wakes me early in the morning - it kicks through to my upper and lower left back, has now moved to include my right ribs as well. If I turn over in bed, or when I stand up, I can feel it flop over or down a second or so later. After I've been up for about an hour, I get my small respite when its not as noticeable, for about another couple of hours, then it starts to build again and by this time of night its scraping the inside of my ribs and drilling through into my back. Oh and for good measure it twists my ovaries and sends cramps down the front of my thighs. My "thing" is literally giving me Chinese burns inside. Waves of dizziness crash over me again and again, bending down is worst, mind you - its hard to bend down as I feel like I am trying to fold a large uncut loaf in half inside my abdomen.
Every symptom to me points to a cancer somewhere, or at the very least pancreatitis - when it flared up 8 weeks ago, I was able to carry on life relatively well but not so now, every week its got a little worse, a little worse - now I can't drink alcohol and am only eating 3 small meals a day. If I eat any fat I am awake all night, but even so I still only get about 5 hours on a good night, and when I do doze off I have horrific nightmares.
What's worrying me most is that it gets a little bit worse every few days. If this was IBS, surely it wouldn't be progressive like this - ie. the less I eat the worse it gets. Sometimes I get a lump in my throat, as if my eosophagus was trying to get out. My glands are up in my throat and under my left arm. If I push or touch anything on my left side I get a shot of pain from the armpit down the body into my groin or bowel.
When I saw neurologist he couldn't explain dizziness etc and said he thought it was nothing but wondered why on earth my GP wouldn't give me any tests for this pain, all she'd done was stick me on lanzaprole and tell me it was gastritis. Eventually I had to go private, and she wrote a referral letter saying I'd had stomach pains. That's it. Nothing about any of the other symptoms, gave my gastroenterologist completely the wrong information. I am waiting to see him on 4 October for an endoscopy, but I am going to try to get him to change that to a CT scan.
Now I want to say the horrible thing that should never be said - my mum died when I was 13, and now I look at my two girls and think the same thing is coming for them. I've had some bad times in my life, but the last few weeks have been terrifying. I think I must be mad to sit here and wait, like I am allowing my life to be drawn away, I want to run to the hospital and beg them to help.
If you are still reading now, you deserve a medal, but thank you and thanks for this forum where we can say the unspeakable.
About a year ago I started to get the idea that something was terribly wrong with me. I just had a dreadful feeling. About the same time I started to get some visual disturbances, kept going fuzzy, then headaches, then dizziness. First thoughts? Brain tumour of course, you knew that!! So I got a referral to a neurologist. Whilst all that was going on, I thought I pulled a muscle in my left ribs. Ignored it. Also ignored the fact that if I lay on my back, my ribs felt like they were being pulled down from inside - I am hugely overweight, so assumed it was fat pressing on my organs. Anyway, I like to sleep on the left so that was ok. Kept thinking I must see GP about pulled muscle, after all, I'd had it for over 8 months, when at the end of July I made a fateful decision.
Only a few days before my neurology appointment, we were rushed for dinner so we had a rare Indian takeaway - have been trying to economise so not had anything like that for months. Huge meal, towards the end I thought blimey I am out of practice! Could barely finish it. Little did I know my life wouldn't be the same again as the next day I began to get the most bizzare pains in this "pulled muscle". It was as if I had a full term baby inside me, exactly the same as when I was pregnant. This "thing" kicked my bowels, scraped across my bladder and generally thrashed about in my chest cavity and abdomen. And once it started, it never stopped. 8 weeks later, it has still never stopped. Now, don't get me wrong, sometimes it might calm down for an hour or so, but not stop, its always there.
This "thing" wakes me early in the morning - it kicks through to my upper and lower left back, has now moved to include my right ribs as well. If I turn over in bed, or when I stand up, I can feel it flop over or down a second or so later. After I've been up for about an hour, I get my small respite when its not as noticeable, for about another couple of hours, then it starts to build again and by this time of night its scraping the inside of my ribs and drilling through into my back. Oh and for good measure it twists my ovaries and sends cramps down the front of my thighs. My "thing" is literally giving me Chinese burns inside. Waves of dizziness crash over me again and again, bending down is worst, mind you - its hard to bend down as I feel like I am trying to fold a large uncut loaf in half inside my abdomen.
Every symptom to me points to a cancer somewhere, or at the very least pancreatitis - when it flared up 8 weeks ago, I was able to carry on life relatively well but not so now, every week its got a little worse, a little worse - now I can't drink alcohol and am only eating 3 small meals a day. If I eat any fat I am awake all night, but even so I still only get about 5 hours on a good night, and when I do doze off I have horrific nightmares.
What's worrying me most is that it gets a little bit worse every few days. If this was IBS, surely it wouldn't be progressive like this - ie. the less I eat the worse it gets. Sometimes I get a lump in my throat, as if my eosophagus was trying to get out. My glands are up in my throat and under my left arm. If I push or touch anything on my left side I get a shot of pain from the armpit down the body into my groin or bowel.
When I saw neurologist he couldn't explain dizziness etc and said he thought it was nothing but wondered why on earth my GP wouldn't give me any tests for this pain, all she'd done was stick me on lanzaprole and tell me it was gastritis. Eventually I had to go private, and she wrote a referral letter saying I'd had stomach pains. That's it. Nothing about any of the other symptoms, gave my gastroenterologist completely the wrong information. I am waiting to see him on 4 October for an endoscopy, but I am going to try to get him to change that to a CT scan.
Now I want to say the horrible thing that should never be said - my mum died when I was 13, and now I look at my two girls and think the same thing is coming for them. I've had some bad times in my life, but the last few weeks have been terrifying. I think I must be mad to sit here and wait, like I am allowing my life to be drawn away, I want to run to the hospital and beg them to help.
If you are still reading now, you deserve a medal, but thank you and thanks for this forum where we can say the unspeakable.