Ever lived with someone you cant stand?

[WillyB]

Hello everyone, I often post about my worries in my life, most recently going back to uni. I have made the mistake of getting a house with 3 others, one of which I already cant stand. He is lazy, messy, loud and just generally a bad, mean person. He plays his music as loud as he can, all day, and night. My room is next to his and my room rumbles. I cant even think straight in there, ive come home again, and ive only spent 3 nights there. I just want to cry when im there, im miserable and depressed with absolutely no motivation to do anything. When im around him i have to try get along with him, which is very difficult.

At this point im thinking of just moving home and getting the train to uni, but then i miss out on all the benefits of student life. I cant get out of the contract with the landlord, so even if i do move home, ill still be paying for it. How am i supposed to tolerate him? im scared of saying anything because that will make living with him even more awkward. Also i doubt the other 2 house mates would back me up.

I just dont know what to do, my parents are fine with me moving back home, but that means I miss out on so much. Has anyone else experienced similar things to this and how did you overcome it?

Thanks guys, Will

[eight days a week]

I had the same situation at uni. In our case I should have moved out but didn't. In the end we resolved our differences and became best mates again. Half my life later he is still my best mate.

BUT it took a year of unhappiness to get it resolved, so I still wish I had moved out (I have no doubt our friendship would have recovered in the same way even with a bit of distance). That is only my experience, and no two people are alike, but that's all I can offer.

Being more practical: do you have an individual contract with the landlord or a collective one? I'd suggest looking for someone new to take your place in the room, but this may be easier if you have a collective contract rather than an individual one (um well it was in my day, but that was 18 years ago now!).

The other option is of course speaking to him about it, or the others in the house. Maybe they feel the same way as you? In my experience facing up to people like him can feel really tough at times, but usually brings huge benefits in the longer run.

You have rights, I think you either need to assert them (preferably) or to look at alternative places to live.

[Pongowaring]

Yes, my first wife.

Fortunately, I sorted it out.

---------- Post added at 22:53 ---------- Previous post was at 22:52 ----------

^^^ we split up. I didn't make her "disappear" or anything, in case that sounded sinister.

[Deepest Blue]

You have rights, I think you either need to assert them (preferably) or to look at alternative places to live.

I think this is good advice and what I would have said too, you have just as much right as anybody else and shouldn't be bullied into accepting this.

See if you can come to a compromise, after all, I am sure there would be things that annoy him too and I suspect he wouldn't wait a second to complain about it !

Good Luck.

[Bill]

No comment.:chained:

[Phill2]

I've never had the problem myself but my ex-wife reckoned she did

[Anxious_gal]

You need to write out your options.

Try and talk to the person, which I think is pointless,
If other housemates are having problems with him I'm sure ye could kick him out or ask him to leave.
Find someone to replace you and move out.
You need to call in to citizens information or what ever it's called in the UK, they can inform you of ALL your rights.

[daybyday]

My daughter and her housemates at college had the same struggles with some of the other housemates.
Best to get all together and talk it over. Some just don't realize that they need to use common courtesy when living with other until they are confronted.
It is worth a try, so you can enjoy the college time like you want to.

[WillyB]

Thanks for the replies guys, its so nice to see people helping. I go back today sadly, although i can come home again on thursday evening. I will try follow some of your advice and hopefully can make living with him a bit more bearable.

Wish me luck!

[macc noodle]

Hey WillyB

I seem to remember that you posted last year that you hated who you were sharing with and wanted to go home!

Is there any possibility that you have a real issue with being away from home? and actually prefer to commute rather than live-in at uni?

If that is the case, then just do it !

If you really want to give living at uni a chance, you really do need to call a house meeting and give everyone a chance to air their thoughts - you can do this quite easily by just saying that you think a house meeting would be a great opportunity for you all as a group to lay some ground rules that you all agree with to make living together a great experience.

WillyB whatever you decide, good luck

Macc Noodle

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[WillyB]

Hi there, yep last year i hated it to begin with because of a trouble maker and his horrible friends. What i dont think i got round to mentioning was 2 weeks later he was accused of rape and thrown out of the halls. After that it was fairly peaceful and most of us were happy he was gone. I enjoyed the majority of last year and got used to being away from home. This year however theres no way the 'trouble maker' will be leaving, he and another guy i live with go way back, they came to uni together. Luckily his mate is more considerate and isnt scared of confronting him. I do really miss home when im there, its always on my mind how much i just want to go home. Im home at the moment after spending 4 painful nights there.

Im still very undecided about what to do, my parents are very supportive and say whatever you want to do, do it. Im going to stick Uni out for about a month before i make a decision. If i do quit Uni i want to try get a career in the merchant navy. Or if i dont quit, i may just move home and commute.

Thanks for all your support!

[Chem]

Your options do depend if you have an individual or collective contract. If it's collective, you could move out and the others will have to split the rent until they find another tenant. If two of them are friends already, maybe they have another friend who would take over the room?

Try asking the Student's Union for support too.

[belgarion]

I understand your difficult position in raising this with said person so if that doesn't work try knocking at the neighbours house and ask them to put in some complaints.. if the noise is after 11pm, call the local community/non-emergency police. They have to send someone out for what is anti-social behaviour. You can remain annonymous and get them to deal with him. Only issue is it takes a few hours sometimes for them to turn up, but every call is logged and a build up of reports. Don't worry about this being a waste of their time, because it isn't.. They have time to respond to non emergency calls, and it can be a big drain on your health and wellbeing. I have issues with the housing scum down my road, and started reporting them and I now have a lot of support from the council and police and hopefully they deal with the issue.

Not sure on how it works with renting from landlords, but maybe they have some sort of responsibility for people being anti-social while in their property. Check it out..