Damnath
26-09-11, 03:00
The health anxiety I mean.
Okay, starting from the start: I'm a 21 year old female with no previous health problems, besides the fact that I've always been slightly overweight (though not obese by any means), and that I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was younger, and clinical depression earlier last year.
I'd always been healthy, exercised, and had a pretty normal student life.
It all begun early this year, in fact, it happened on the night of the 31th of December/1st of January. That night, unfortunately, I had my first major panic attack. I honestly thought I was going to die and only barely made it through without breaking down completely because I had my OH with me. Even then, it left me shaking for days and it somehow changed me, making me a much much more anxious person than before.
Maybe it was the way I was absolutely sure I was going to die that night, but I now fear death, very much so. Before the attack, I had never dwelled on death much, I knew I'd die at some point, but it was not a major concern. Now it is, and the change is incredibly painful because I can not stop obsessing about every little pain, and every tiny thing that might potentially be going wrong with me/my body.
I had a very stressing January/February, and in March I officially moved in with my OH (in a foreign country). Maybe it was the change, but it seems like it made the anxiety even worse: I spend the whole month of March obsessing about having some sort of Meningitis because many of the symptoms I was experiencing matched the description. Then I couldn't sleep at night because my own pounding heartbeat kept awake and physical symptoms suddenly changed to general pain and abdominal pain. I thought that maybe my panic attacks (had another major attack sometime in April along smaller attacks many other times) had triggered some sort of Fibromyalgia/IBD.
Then I thought/think I have cancer because of the constant need to pee I've been having (with no pain when I actually go to the bathroom, though I feel bladder pain sometimes).
Now I just feel sick all the time. Be it chest pain, sore muscles, abdominal pain, sleeping all day long and still feeling tired, not being able to sleep at all, extremely hungry at times and then a tender, bloated stomach at others... Everything together, all the time. Even now I feel cold, edgy, and there's a nagging pain on my left side, along with the need to pee.
I'm really tired, I don't know how I can keep up with this. :(
Also, I don't have an insurance (necessary here in the Netherlands) but I went to the doctor before (and paid an exorbitant about of money) only to be told it was just a flu and I should rest (though I had no nasal/throat symptoms at all).
Thanks for reading this. :hugs:
Okay, starting from the start: I'm a 21 year old female with no previous health problems, besides the fact that I've always been slightly overweight (though not obese by any means), and that I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was younger, and clinical depression earlier last year.
I'd always been healthy, exercised, and had a pretty normal student life.
It all begun early this year, in fact, it happened on the night of the 31th of December/1st of January. That night, unfortunately, I had my first major panic attack. I honestly thought I was going to die and only barely made it through without breaking down completely because I had my OH with me. Even then, it left me shaking for days and it somehow changed me, making me a much much more anxious person than before.
Maybe it was the way I was absolutely sure I was going to die that night, but I now fear death, very much so. Before the attack, I had never dwelled on death much, I knew I'd die at some point, but it was not a major concern. Now it is, and the change is incredibly painful because I can not stop obsessing about every little pain, and every tiny thing that might potentially be going wrong with me/my body.
I had a very stressing January/February, and in March I officially moved in with my OH (in a foreign country). Maybe it was the change, but it seems like it made the anxiety even worse: I spend the whole month of March obsessing about having some sort of Meningitis because many of the symptoms I was experiencing matched the description. Then I couldn't sleep at night because my own pounding heartbeat kept awake and physical symptoms suddenly changed to general pain and abdominal pain. I thought that maybe my panic attacks (had another major attack sometime in April along smaller attacks many other times) had triggered some sort of Fibromyalgia/IBD.
Then I thought/think I have cancer because of the constant need to pee I've been having (with no pain when I actually go to the bathroom, though I feel bladder pain sometimes).
Now I just feel sick all the time. Be it chest pain, sore muscles, abdominal pain, sleeping all day long and still feeling tired, not being able to sleep at all, extremely hungry at times and then a tender, bloated stomach at others... Everything together, all the time. Even now I feel cold, edgy, and there's a nagging pain on my left side, along with the need to pee.
I'm really tired, I don't know how I can keep up with this. :(
Also, I don't have an insurance (necessary here in the Netherlands) but I went to the doctor before (and paid an exorbitant about of money) only to be told it was just a flu and I should rest (though I had no nasal/throat symptoms at all).
Thanks for reading this. :hugs: