dread
27-09-11, 00:29
So..2 years ago, almost exactly, I had my first massive anxiety attack, following years of depression and general anxiety and thought I was going to die.
Tonight, I have started to feel anxious and felt the beginnings of an anxiety attack, and it has freaked me out.
The point of this post is for both myself to remember how far I have come and constructively help beat the anxiety I am currently feeling, and to remind others to look at their own journey, and how far they have come!
{ I may go off on a tangent. I am sleep deprived and full of cold }
2 years ago: I had at least 2 attacks a day. I couldn't get out of bed, I became agoraphobic, gained a stone from comfort eating, had no "feelings", and felt trapped by my own mind.
Today: I can usually go weeks without an anxiety attack. Yes, I still have daily anxious thoughts and worries, but the actual formed attacks are few and far between! I have a full time job, my own flat, a car, and feel more myself.
How I got here:
Medication. I still take 40mg citalopam daily. My GP has suggestion beginning to come off these over the net few months, but I am not ready. But that is fine. It's a long recovery process, and I am happy to accept that I need the extra boost, just the same as any diabetic needs medication.
CBT. This was a massive help, although did not come into play until more recent months. I recognise now that a good chunk of my recovery was already taking place before beginning CBT. BUT I also recognise that you should keep up the techniques you learn, as they help keep anxiety at bay.
Eating. I love food. Hell, I love sweets and chocolate and whatever else that's mainly made of sugar. But it doesn't help! Too much stimulation = too many thoughts racing round your head. At one stage I had not eaten a single fruit or vegetable for 6 months. Now I make sure no matter how much crap I eat, that I am at least getting some goodness in between. It makes a massive difference to how you feel!
Expression. It doesn't matter how you express it, or what you're expressing, just get rid of your negative feelings. I paint, draw, do crosswords, sing and dance around naked in my flat, hit pillows, make blu-tac people and alsorts. Anything that just burns off a bit of energy and pressure to make me feel a little less anxious. It doesn't even have to be anything that you ever show anyone. I've never allowed anyone to see my drawings, but they make me feel better. It acts as a little locker to store negative feelings, and i can forget them, they are on the page forever and not in my head!
Dare yourself. I found that the best thing to do when experiencing an anxiety attack, espeically those that surface in physcial feelings of illness or HA's etc, is to dare myself to get up and move. If I was that ill, I wouldn't be ble to get up and walk around my flat...so I did it. And I did this again an again and again, and everytime it justm proves to myself that Im not dying or having a HA, or anything of the sort because I wouldn't be able to prance around to "Do you want me baby?" in my pants.
Most of all...
DETERMINATION. You wouldn't allow an annoying little kid to run riot all over you. You wouldn't allow a mosquito to plonk itself on your arm and bite you. And you certainly would not allow others to take control of you and make you feel any less a person than you are. So I said "**** you!" to anxeity. You don't control me! Do your worst, because you can't hurt me anymore than I allow you to!
It doesn't matter how long you have had anxiety, how old you are, how severe it is or anything. The fact is...you are HERE and you acknowledge it. You haven't let it beat you to this very day or you would not be here trying to fight it, and helping others to do the same.
So screw you anxiety, depression, OCD, and anyone that makes us feel any less worth than we are. We deal with a lot, and we are still here to talk about it it. Just look how far we have come!!!
Tonight, I have started to feel anxious and felt the beginnings of an anxiety attack, and it has freaked me out.
The point of this post is for both myself to remember how far I have come and constructively help beat the anxiety I am currently feeling, and to remind others to look at their own journey, and how far they have come!
{ I may go off on a tangent. I am sleep deprived and full of cold }
2 years ago: I had at least 2 attacks a day. I couldn't get out of bed, I became agoraphobic, gained a stone from comfort eating, had no "feelings", and felt trapped by my own mind.
Today: I can usually go weeks without an anxiety attack. Yes, I still have daily anxious thoughts and worries, but the actual formed attacks are few and far between! I have a full time job, my own flat, a car, and feel more myself.
How I got here:
Medication. I still take 40mg citalopam daily. My GP has suggestion beginning to come off these over the net few months, but I am not ready. But that is fine. It's a long recovery process, and I am happy to accept that I need the extra boost, just the same as any diabetic needs medication.
CBT. This was a massive help, although did not come into play until more recent months. I recognise now that a good chunk of my recovery was already taking place before beginning CBT. BUT I also recognise that you should keep up the techniques you learn, as they help keep anxiety at bay.
Eating. I love food. Hell, I love sweets and chocolate and whatever else that's mainly made of sugar. But it doesn't help! Too much stimulation = too many thoughts racing round your head. At one stage I had not eaten a single fruit or vegetable for 6 months. Now I make sure no matter how much crap I eat, that I am at least getting some goodness in between. It makes a massive difference to how you feel!
Expression. It doesn't matter how you express it, or what you're expressing, just get rid of your negative feelings. I paint, draw, do crosswords, sing and dance around naked in my flat, hit pillows, make blu-tac people and alsorts. Anything that just burns off a bit of energy and pressure to make me feel a little less anxious. It doesn't even have to be anything that you ever show anyone. I've never allowed anyone to see my drawings, but they make me feel better. It acts as a little locker to store negative feelings, and i can forget them, they are on the page forever and not in my head!
Dare yourself. I found that the best thing to do when experiencing an anxiety attack, espeically those that surface in physcial feelings of illness or HA's etc, is to dare myself to get up and move. If I was that ill, I wouldn't be ble to get up and walk around my flat...so I did it. And I did this again an again and again, and everytime it justm proves to myself that Im not dying or having a HA, or anything of the sort because I wouldn't be able to prance around to "Do you want me baby?" in my pants.
Most of all...
DETERMINATION. You wouldn't allow an annoying little kid to run riot all over you. You wouldn't allow a mosquito to plonk itself on your arm and bite you. And you certainly would not allow others to take control of you and make you feel any less a person than you are. So I said "**** you!" to anxeity. You don't control me! Do your worst, because you can't hurt me anymore than I allow you to!
It doesn't matter how long you have had anxiety, how old you are, how severe it is or anything. The fact is...you are HERE and you acknowledge it. You haven't let it beat you to this very day or you would not be here trying to fight it, and helping others to do the same.
So screw you anxiety, depression, OCD, and anyone that makes us feel any less worth than we are. We deal with a lot, and we are still here to talk about it it. Just look how far we have come!!!