How will I get through this week?

[LittleM]

I hope you can help me. I have suffered with anxiety and panic attacks for over a year now. I am waiting back on blood test results to make sure there's no underlying cause. But even so, I want to get cognitive behavioural therapy after.

Anyway, I'm 21 and meant to be going back to university this week. I had to leave last year because of the anxiety (a bullying house mate started it off but she's out of my life now) so I'm starting third year again now. But last night I felt like I had indigestion and like someone was choking me and I couldn't burp. I still have it now and I don't know if it is indigestion or it's my anxiety. It won't go away. So I've had to miss my first day back of university which I feel so disappointed about but I just don't feel well enough to go. My parents are on holiday in Scotland this week and my sister is at work everyday. I feel so alone and I'm scared that if something happened to me health wise no one would be here to help.

I want to ask my Mum to come home. She has cancer and this holiday was for her in between her treatments. I feel awful for ringing her up and telling her how scared and anxious I feel but I just want her so bad to comfort me and be here. But I can't ruin her holiday, I just don't know how I'm going to get through this week feeling like I'm having a panic attack every minute. She calms me down instantly, and I don't know why I can't calm down without her, or my Dad.

I'm so scared and I just want this anxiety to go away. I will get it sorted, I will get therapy, I just don't know what to do this week as my head feels a mess.

[Hanksy18]

Hello there. :)
First of all, I'm sorry to hear that your mum has cancer. On a more positive note, I congratulate you for doing your research and recognising what it is you can do to manage your anxiety - I'm 18 and I too am an anxiety sufferer and have also looked up CBT. Realise that you are going the right way about helping yourself.
In regards to feeling like you had indigestion, someone was choking you and you couldn't burp, chances are, that was your anxiety. From what I've experienced, what could start off as something small and harmless, because of the anxiety, the experience is exaggerated because of the instant panic you feel. By the sounds of it, you also need to look into relaxation methods for both instant relaxation and generalized relaxation in order to prevent moments of panic. Whether it's talking to a counsellor every week to talk about what it is you've gone/are going through, sitting outside in the sun reading a book that you enjoy, exercise, listening to the type of music that you can really wind down to whilst in a bubble bath or even yoga!
No illness or disease will ever make a mother want to stop comforting their child, so despite the condition she's in, I'm sure she doesn't mind you calling her to let her know what you're feeling. It's highly likely that the reason you're instantly comforted when with your mum or dad is because all your life, they've been there to pick you up when you've fallen and given you a helping hand when you've needed one. It's because of these types of reasons, you only feel safe around them - You know that they'd never intentionally hurt you. They are your safety net.
It's natural to feel scared not just as an anxiety sufferer, but as a human being because life is scary. We're not always going to be around people that make us feel safe. Realise there are millions of people all over the world that are feeling how you feel at the moment. And from the looks of it, you're an intelligent person with drive and determination which makes the chances of you beating your anxiety even bigger! I genuinely believe that you will beat this. You need to rise above the negative words spoken by people that aren't worth your time and effort and repeat these words to yourself when you feel like the world is on your shoulders - 'I can, and I will get through this!' And think about achievements you could have achieved by the time you're finished at uni! Think about the type of life you could live and have dreamed of. If anything, don't let the people who have put you down stop you from doing whatever it is you want to do. Push your fears aside, get out there and be the person you want to be. Don't only prove to the people who have put you down your worth, but more importantly, to yourself.
I hope that what I've had to say has helped - I'm sorry if it hasn't.


Hanksy18