To work or not to work

[Tatt]

I have chewed this over and over in my mind and am really not sure what to do for the best.

I have finally now emerged from an awful period of about 10 years where there was constant pressure and trauma, with sudden deaths of several family members, one of whom was brutally murdered and the resultant trial and sentencing; financial issues as my husband became ill and unable to work; nearly losing our home; my husbands illness (physical and mental). These events were/ are absolutely huge and I muddled on throughout as best as I could, continuing to work. Now that these events are behind me, so to speak, I have been left...exhausted. I work in the medical profession and the job is highly pressurised and stressful and requires a lot of emotional input. I'm finding myself to be increasingly anxious about work and whether I'm doing a good job...I frequently stay on at the end of my shift to make sure I've done everything (and more!) that I'm supposed to and I worry, worry, worry about anything and everything. I have thought about taking a short period of time off sick (no longer than a month) to try and sort myself out, but I feel guilty for even thinking about the idea. A friend said to me that's it's time I moved on because it's a while since these events occurred. I frequently feel exhausted, numb, tearful, anxious, angry, short-fused...but it's the overwhelming exhaustion that I find difficult to deal with. I have such a good work face...people at work think I'm quite the comedian and a happy go lucky sort. That act, in itself, is very draining!

Any advice for me, good people of NMP?

[Bruno58]

My view after reading your story is that you really need a complete change even if only for 4 weeks, recharge your batteries and they say a change is as good as a rest so do something you enjoy and forget work for a while, I think with your commitment to your job you will go back with a new outlook and do an even better job.

Don't worry about what other people think, do it for yourself...sounds like you deserve it... :)

J.

[Glitterbugs]

I am off work atm and have been for a couple of weeks.

My GP signed me off as past abuse (nothing on your scale - it sounds as if you have had a dreadful time) has caught up with me after a couple of years and I am not coping.

I am low, anxious, distracted and the side effects of my meds I am having at the moment I know will mean I can't do my job safely ( I too work in the medical profession).

So - time out it is, for as long as it takes. And I advise it :) x

[Tatt]

Thank you both for your replies :)

Fatigue is the big factor with me and the cumulative stressors have caught up with me, not unlike your situation Glitterbugs which sounds awful for you. I did take Citalopram for a year from 2005-2006 which was very useful at the time, but I don't think meds are indicated for me with how I find myself now so just need to find the right words with my GP...

[HarvestMoon]

I think you should take some time out to rest and maybe think as well. Take as long as you need...GP should arrange this for you. You said that your friend said you should move on? With respect I think that decision is yours to make. Only you will know when the time is right.

Good luck!

[Rod]

Look after yourself in these times. Your work will benefit too in the long run.

[Tatt]

Thank you to all who replied. I went to the GP today and spilled the heap. The upshot of it is...a prescription for Citalopram and an initial 2 weeks off sick (she was quite firm about the time off!). I just cracked when I was trying to describe how I've felt...plenty of tears, to the extent that even I was shocked at how low things have got.

So, onwards and, hopefully, upwards :)

[Bruno58]

You have done the right thing, I'm pleased to here you're having a break now.

:)
J.

[Tatt]

Hi Bruno58 :)

Yep, peace and quiet reign now. If I'm honest, I feel relieved to be off!

[Bruno58]

Hi Tatt
Shame the weather's not so good! I found it doesn't really matter...the feeling first thing in the morning when you wake up is so comforting and warming, we all need to chill out now and again...make the most of it...you will find the break rejuvenating:)

I'm just about to dive in to another battle...sheild and sword in my hands...could be blood spilt soon... metaphorically speaking of course...


Onward!


Keep posting if you feel like it, I'm sure some of us would like to know how you are getting along.


J.x

[Tatt]

You're quite right...the temperature has fairly dropped here but it was lovely to have the time to lie in bed and listen to the gale in progress outside.

Good luck with the battle...be sure to update us!

[Bruno58]

Thanks Tatt
The plan is not quite ready yet, I'm trying to bring the GP appointment forward but I need to see the right doctor, there is a way of doing it, more early next week with luck:noangel:

J.

[Tatt]

Hello lovely NMP people. Returned to work yesterday...major panic attack ensued and I nearly walked out the front door as quickly as I walked in! I think this road is going to be longer than I thought. My immediate, knee-jerk feeling is: see how the next few days go at work, if necessary go off sick again...I can't say I didn't give it a go, maybe it was just too soon...but going off again would feel like failing and letting colleagues and patients down. Long term strategy is: reduce my hours and put more emphasis on living again, rather than work, work, work.

Lots to consider :huh:

[Bruno58]

Hey Tatt, nice to see you, don't be afraid to see the doc again...I think you should, how is the medication going? a month is not very long on Cit, had it myself but I had to come off that one...

J.

[snowgoose]

hello Tatt
this issue is close to my heart and one that crops up a lot naturally. hope your panic has subsided .

I believe that getting back to work as soon as possible is the best for us all in broad sense . Routine ,company ,self worth,distraction and of course money .
BUT: it depends on the work and the support available. Like the illness itself it is hugely individual .
Also I believe that time off is essential to recover. Anxiety and panic build up over a long time .........so it takes time to rebalance and cant be rushed.

I too worked in health care and had to make decision that as duty of care to my patients I had to be balanced and capable in my mental and physical health to be capable and responsible .
I know the pressure of feeling guilty about your patients and colleagues . This goes for all of us off sick no matter what job we do .

Only you know if you are ready . Sure you will be wobbly and nervous on first day back .
But if you need more time off ............you owe it to yourself first to get well
The work place will go on without you a bit longer if you know in your gut your return was too soon . trust your inner voice .

take care :hugs:

[Meewah]

Hi Tatt

Seems to me like you need a complete change of Job etc... I did this and I am in a happier yet poorer place. Sometimes things happen to allow you to address your life and the things that are important. I am sure you could find work in a different yet complimenting field.

Upwards and onwards

Take Care of your emotional health and the rest will follow.

Mee

[Tatt]

Hi Bruno...meds are beginning to elicit subtle improvements, I think. Yes, a month on Cit isn't a long time and a return to the doc isn't ruled out...it's in the recovery toolkit, and may yet become my weapon of choice again, so to speak!

Hi Snowgoose...the panic has subsided to nothing more than a quiet shudder every now and then. Your post just about sums it all up really...everything you have said has run through my head many, many times over the past few months.

Hi Meewah...you are quite right, it may well be that a change of job will eventually be necessary. At the moment it's too much to contemplate and I'm reluctant to call time on it just now...who knows where this road will lead to?