Partners

[Glitterbugs]

How do you all share this with your partners for those of you that have them?

My anxiety is related to a past bad relationship that makes me insecure in this relationship and I know it drives him nuts that I am insecure at times. This insecurity often goes but at times of anxiety it comes back.

I try to share with him how I am feeling when I am anxious and down but although he is reassuring and supportive I know he doesn't 100% get it and I know it wears him out a bit after a while.

I kind of need his support but am aware of his feelings and that he can only take so much.

Anyone else feel like this and how do you cope with it all? xxx

[Franky]

Hi Glitterbugs,

Sorry to hear about what you are going through, I can realte to it very well, I lost my partner because of depression and insecurity, he couldn't get it and i tried to explain him on numerous occasions about how i felt and there are certain things I can't handle.His reaction was to push me away and he said Im too much and he can't handle it the truth is he decided to take the easy way out after he broke me down in some aspects when he had difficulties he put them all on me and i was there for him, when my turn came well that's different-I tried hard t0 cope with it but when i noticed that i was the only one putting all the effort in I cracked up and i told him but he wouldn't listen. In july I gave up my medical career for a short while because i felt guilty me wanting a career and working for long hours and barely being there with him - I thought I should be with him and whatever difficutlies with face we will be able to overcome them ...clearly I was wrong- after that I had an accident been attacked by stranger was in an out from the hospital i am so depressed and im trying to get some sense out off all these things that are happening to me gave up my medical career and also lost the man who once loved me and i still love. I believe you have to try to calm down and when you feel that a wave of anxiety and insecurity is about to hit you- go for a walk and try not to make a scene in front of him, which i have and was a mistake to do:-( I abssolutley understand your situation. I f he is there and he tries at least to understand you that is all it matters - don't worry if it's not 100% you can't put it all on him no one will be able to understand us when we go through this. try and relax and go for a walk or do something that takes your mind off the insecurity try not to over analize everything. that was my mistake.
Hope everything works out for you and I WISH YOU THE BEST!
F:-)

[Eva May]

My boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago bcos to be fair I wasn't much of a girlfriend. In just over a year we never went anywhere or did a whole lot so I can understand. Luckily we're still friends and he's very supportive but I think I've pretty much given up on relationships now unless he's agoraphobic or something too ha.

[HarvestMoon]

My partner doesn't understand and I've given up trying to explain how I feel. We have arguments from time to time but we're still together. I'm difficult to live with so not sure how long it will last!!

[Carrera74]

My hubby moved out for a few days in August when I was at my lowest. To be fair I did push for him to go. I kept telling him I was no good. I felt so low and felt like I was destroying his life along with my own. I was so shocked when he went. It broke my heart. I begged him not to go but all the pushing had finally took it's toll on him. He has never experienced panic or anxiety and couldn't get how I was feeling and I shouldn't have expected him to. It's hard enough to describe it to someone how this awful illness affects us and even harder to expect them to understand it I guess. It still makes me sick to the stomach when I think about the day he drove off but I think it gave me the shock I needed. We talked a few days later and he opened up to me for the first time in 8 years about my illness. He has been so frustrated and not dared say anything to me and had been keeping stuff to himself to prevent upsetting my further. In my head I just thought he didn't care. I think what I am trying to say is, be open with your partner. Sit down and talk your illness through with them. Try and explain how it makes you feel, what they can do to help and then listen to them. Listen to how it makes them feel and what you can do to help them. I think communication is key to all relationships and especially so when anxiety and depression is involved. It's all so easy to jump to conclusions or think you know what someone is thinking but in reality we're not mind readers....

It does sound like you've got a good one there. He might not get it 100%, I don't think someone with anxiety gets someone elses anxiety 100% but he's willing to try to understand which is great! :) x

[belgarion]

Ma y years ago my girlfriend used to have really strange moments of panic attacks or shivers or depression and I had no idea how to deal with it. Those times were scary, and I don't feel like I gave her the right kind of support, but never let it affect the relationship too much. She was strong. A few years later I had a bad time and fell from panic attacks, to quiting my job and all sorts of health anxiety, agoraphobia, IBS etc, and it all made sense to me. I knew how she felt back then, and she knew how I was feeling. It made things so much easier having experienced it. Fortunately it didn't last for long, and I made it back into the 'normal' world as I now call it. I'm not sure it would have been as easy without her understanding and support, and realise what bad support I gave her back then. We are still together after 9 short years.

So I guess it is going to be hard for the partner to understand, but it is a real test of their commitment to you if they stick around and try and help. Hoefully they can help pull you through and things will be better! I guess worrying about it only makes things worse, but it's very hard not to think about. Sounds like he wants to help, so just ask him to tell you when its getting to much for him so you can work it out between you. Good luck!