Sad to be back here

[tommy84]

Hello,

I haven't been here for a few years but think i am started to regress back into my old ways. I used to suffer with a variety of anxiety complaints (GAD/ health, harm, agorophobia) since i was 19 (almost 27 now!). 2 years ago i went through a difficualt breakup and has taken 2 years to sell my house (ex being difficualt, had to take her to court and now suing her...thats another story!).

Over the last 18 months i have had my fair share of female aquaintances, but a month ago a met up with a girl from work who i thought would just be a fling, but have fallen head over heels in love with her. I love every moment together and really beleive she is my perfect woman. We went to brighton last weekend and on sunday went up to beachy head and lay in the sun, it was the most perfect moment of my life. Went out last night and everything was perfect, until this morning.....

I picked her up on the way to work, got to the office, just as we got out of the lift she read a text message from her friend asking her if she wanted to go to thailand with her for 3 weeks at christmant, unfortutley she hasnt got enough holiday remaining and was very disappointed. Later today she emailed me asking if i would go with her, without thinking i said yes, she has got carried away and started looking at flights for april, booking time off work. And now i am panicking, i uses to be agorophobic, i wnet 6 months without leaving the house, i managed a holiday to crete with an ex and 2 skiing holidays (the second was an enourmous struggle before but fine when i was there). I went to belgium on my own in may and was fine with this, but 3 weeks in thailand seems so daunting, the ski holidays were not that bad as they were only in france and could be home in 2 hours, but 3 weeks in a exotic country is scaring the s*** out of me.

I know people are going to tell me to be hones twith her, but we are 1 month into a new relationship, this girl is beautiful, funny, intelligent and loves to go on holiday to exotic places. But i dont want to regress back into a state of permanent anxiety that i was in before, as in the last 18 months i have achieved so much (managed to go for weekends away, managed to drink alcohol without panicing, go to clubs/bars/ restaurants without looking for the door) and am worried this may send me back.

Does anyone have any advice ?

T

[christineyannou]

hey there, don't regret about being back. Anxiety is a feeling too ans should be seen as one, such as love, happiness, fear and yes anxiety.
If you need to feel safe, think that your embassy with people from your own country are somewhere in Tailand, it will makw you feel safe, it's psychological really. But maybe you can kidda tell this girl that you have a bit of an anxiety thing and infrom her of it, just so that she can know how to help you. You'll be fine. I know it. I had/have panic disorder and you know something I traveled 4000 km on motor bike with my hubby to Italy and France. Yes I tires to get as much sleep as possible, stayed clear of caffine and made sure to abord all the good stuff from our trip. It was great. Good luck, get a great tan while you're at it and make everyone jealous!!

---------- Post added at 19:27 ---------- Previous post was at 19:26 ----------

sorry about the typing mistakessss!!

[tommy84]

Thank you for your advice, the embassy bit is very comforting. At the moment i cant comprehend going, it is 6 months away and am looking for excuses already. I am buying a house over the next few months and do really need the money for that, so could probably delay it. But dont want to delay it, i want to be cured.

[christineyannou]

hey there! I know how you feel. In August 2012, we're going to drive to Italy (again!) with the kids (again)! And yes, can you believe it, I am actually thinking how am I going to do this?! Basically, I've done it before. And yes, on one trip I did have a panic attack, on a another I didn't. I think it comes down to how much you're in control of your life. Eg. on the trip I had a panic attack I was made redundant from my job 10 day prior to our trip. Last year however, I was working when we travelled to Italy and therefore was on summer leave. What you have to look into and discover is what makes you feel anxious.
I think the house purchase is an excuse. I too make many excuses to avoid something that makes me fear that I'll lose control.
Another thing is to tell the person who you're with about your panics.
People like us who have suffered from panic attacks need to feel that they have a safety net. A routine, you know, like young children, who feel safe in their routine. Have a routine but do one thing everyday that scares you! It's liberating. If that be to eat something you wouldn't normally, or to go to the local pool and jump off the high diving board. Try it. As a suffer, who is on the road to recovery this is the most honest thing I can say.
Another thing that helps when you thing you're ready to go into panic mode do something quickly that you know makes you happy. For me it's shopping or talking about fashion or watching our favorite funny DVD with the kids, The Diary of a Whimpy Kid! All things that bring you back to reality, your reality, your real world. :)
Work on it and don't disclose Tailand, I'm not going to disclose Italy! Speaking of which, I think I'm going to make a start of it by drinking less cappuccino and more herbal tea.
Look into having a set program when in Tailand from the UK. That way you can kind of avoid suprizes which tend to cause a paniky feeling. Always remember that a panic is a chemical that rushes to our heads from intense anxiety. Blow out the chemical by... being truely happy, dinner with friends, view a showing, anything that suits you. You eliminate anxiety by being happy.
xx
C:yesyes: