Christ I never knew there were so many people like me

[Rugrat]

I often get that dark feeling that death is coming to get me the
Terror in my stomach that feeling that nothing and no one can help that cancer
Is going to kill me the only thing I can think of that would cause the same Terror
Would be to know that in the morning I am going to be executed

I have
High blood pressure and I have had epilepsy since I was 14 years old
But those real illness don't bother me I really do hope I die from a
Heart attack

Its cancer that is my terror
Since I joint the site a few days ago I have seen everything that
Terrorises me and more cancer of the skin mouth bowel
Prostate and the bone I think for a lot of us the real terror
Is one word cancer in all its forms?

I never knew so many people had the same terror has I have

[eva82]

Yup it's sad but many of us here are also terrified of the big C! It used to consume me and I went for so many tests and procedures that weren't even necessary.. But because I was so scared I demanded them as doctors all thought I was crazy. I am in therapy now and it has helped a lot. I am trying to not also seek reassurance as it only fuels the anxiety and panic. I am also on meds now..after two years of refusing them I finally gave in because living my life in fear is not an option anymore. There comes a time when you just get fed up and have to become proactive to get your life back to normal. I am not recovered yet, but I have hope now. I hope you find the support and advice you are looking for on here. For me, this forum has been a godsend! Take care. :)

[Rugrat]

luv2teach
i have never thought that looking for reassurance fuels the anxiety and panic
i got a shock when i saw you had said that?
but then i realized it is true it does because even after i have seen a doctor my mind
still looks at every word he has said looking for something he as said to be wrong
its like my mind is out of control

[Janeeey]

Hi

I too have major C worry and it is such an awful thing and I know hard for others who don't suffer to understand. I am having CBT which is helping so much and agree reassurance seeking isn't helpful in the long term. It is very hard to break though and I have just posted to ask for reassurance once again so I am not over it all yet! CBT does help though and I do recognise I am a lot better than I was albeit a long way to go.

My CBT focusses on not worrying if you do / do not have cancer but to live with the uncertainty like all the 'normal' people do .. of course what was a big realisation for me is that I am capable of this as there are many other illnesses some probably worse than cancer that I don't 'worry' about and do live with the uncertainty so I guess we can do it ... but its not easy!

[miss polly]

At the grand age of 50 I realise I have spent over quarter of a century periodically convinced to the point of mad panic that I have some sort of cancer/terminal illness. What a sad waste!! Unfortunately knowing that still doesn't stop me from imagining the next horrific scenario. If only there was a pill to combat this. I'm just about worn to the bone with exhaustion from it all. How wonderful it must be to be normal. When I hear of people being diagnosed with cancer or some other terrible illness and they say I can't believe this has happened to me, apart from feeling sorrow for them I'm amazed!!! I can't believe it hasn't happened to me or isn't going to!! Normal people always seem so stunned to be ill and they've usually never heard of the condition they've been diagnosed with. I don't think there's an illness I haven't heard of because in my head I've had them all.

[Rugrat]

At the grand age of 50 I realise I have spent over quarter of a century periodically convinced to the point of mad panic that I have some sort of cancer/terminal illness. What a sad waste!! Unfortunately knowing that still doesn't stop me from imagining the next horrific scenario. If only there was a pill to combat this. I'm just about worn to the bone with exhaustion from it all. How wonderful it must be to be normal. When I hear of people being diagnosed with cancer or some other terrible illness and they say I can't believe this has happened to me, apart from feeling sorrow for them I'm amazed!!! I can't believe it hasn't happened to me or isn't going to!! Normal people always seem so stunned to be ill and they've usually never heard of the condition they've been diagnosed with. I don't think there's an illness I haven't heard of because in my head I've had them all.

I no what you mean my sister in law got breast c
and acted like it was a bad cold it was unbelievable now 8 years later she is still going strong and seems to have forgotten all about it

[mel78]

When I hear of people being diagnosed with cancer or some other terrible illness and they say I can't believe this has happened to me, apart from feeling sorrow for them I'm amazed!!! I can't believe it hasn't happened to me or isn't going to!! Normal people always seem so stunned to be ill and they've usually never heard of the condition they've been diagnosed with. I don't think there's an illness I haven't heard of because in my head I've had them all.

Amazing. This is one of the best descriptions of the mindset of Health Anxiety that I have yet come across.

Rugrat, it also surprised me that so many other people share my health fears. However, knowing this gives me great comfort, as it helps me to realise I am not alone and also to be able to rationalise that when I think I am dying, it may just be the anxiety!

[AnxiousMummy]

this site is brilliant ... i also have the same cancer fears it horrible and dabiltating but its nice to know your not alone x

[Rugrat]

I think in the western world we live in we are bombarded. Every day by newspapers,
Magazines, radio, and the worse of all TV about ill health cancer, heart attack, diabetes, do not do this, do not do that, do not eat this, do not drink that, go to the gym, for most of the people it goes
In one ear and out the other. But for us it's like an arrow going straight for the heart so
1 I don't read newspapers 2 I don't read Magazines 3 if I am in my car with the radio on and someone starts talking about health I turn it off 4 the moment someone starts talking Health on the TV I turn it over to another side or turn it
off

[AnxiousMummy]

i can watch holby or casulty