Mild depression/anxiety from Relationship end

[steveh31]

Not sure which thread to put this in so tried this one:

I have recently split from my male partner after 15 months my previous relationship spilt caused my to go into a bad depression, complete insomnia and a near breakdown this time things are not like that but the issues of feeling depressed and trying to move on are there.

This is the third time a relationship has ended badly confidence is low especially about moving on any tips?

I don't know if ending a gay relationship is easier or harder than ending a straight one but at the age of 36 it just seems so much hassle to have to start again especially not really knowing where this one went wrong in the end.

Any tips to keeping your mind straight and not falling into a deeper depression work is a hassle as well which doesn't help.

[lynn1960]

sorry to hear i have never been in a gay relationship but i dont think its any different it both hits really hard especally if you dont know what went wrong but you will get through this work can ometimes help it gives you a reason to go out everyday and meeting other people hang on in there is i can help pm me but it will get better.

[Ingenious]

There's no easy remedy for the heartache of breaking up I'm afraid. It can hit us very hard and dent our confidence. To start with, don't beat yourself up over it, there is life after a relationship although the biggest healer is time. You just need time to recover and to get over it. Remember also there were two people in it, so please don't try and blame yourself.

As for keeping your mind straight, try and keep busy with things to keep your mind off it. Spend time with friends or family. Try and avoid people/places/activities that might remind you too much of the past, at least until you're a little stronger.

[debs71]

Hi Steve,

I can relate to you at the moment as I have just recently broken up with my boyfriend after 2 years. I have spent the 3 weeks since completely heartbroken, feeling empty and missing the good things about our relationship, although the bad things far outweighed them.

Because I too have a history of depression, I have been trying not to slip back into that, so I totally understand your worry. It is very hard when something like a relationship - a huge part of your life - ends as it leaves a big hole so feeling unhappy and bereft is natural.

All I would say is try, try, try to keep doing stuff - working, getting out of the house, exercise, meeting up with friends. With depression, it is the times we just stay in bed, having too much time to think and mourn the ending of the relationship, that is absolutely fatal in terms of a downward spiral. Being busy does help, but of course you naturally are still going to feel emotional too, and I think that is ok. I have kept myself busy, but I have also cried every day since, especially late at night alone in my room, and I too can't face either starting again with someone new or going through this crushed feeling again at 40 years old. I had put a lot of faith in this man to no avail. Like you, this is the third time this has happened to me.

I think, as corny as it sounds, time does heal us. We have to allow ourselves time to grieve the loss of the relationship, feel sad, and then things will move onwards, though I know at the time it doesn't seem so.

Try also to be resolute and bloody minded in a way that you will not allow your upset to bring you back down again. Fight it all you can. It is so hard but you can do it.

lots of love.x:hugs: