female 22 please help me

[meanz]

Hi Im suffering and i really need some help im a 22 year old female.... 3 years ago i was involved in a bad accident. I was compensated and was advised to seek cbt therapy which was fully funded by my solicitor as part of my compensation. been so young with a new found wealth ( tens of thousands not millions or hundreds or major life changing money etc) i thought my problems had ended there and never had the cbt therapy to help tackle post traumatic stress disorder. i was completely ignorant and oblivious to the fact that the condition even "existed" or that i could be suffering from it.
I embarked on a new relationship with man whom i grew to love and love very much... bad idea.. I destroyed the relationship from the inside out...my self esteem was disgustingly low and i began to find myself feeling and thinking and saying irrelevant things to make myself feel better in some strange way.. we had an amazing 16 months together.. and we were together for 2 years in total.but what goes in the wash must come out.... This is where my anxiety began to sneak in...i became quite devious around him... its so out of character for me... it was like i was losing control of my life and trying so hard to steer my life in a direction i wanted that by the time i thought things through, contemplated the possible outcomes ( most been negative ) and assessed every avenue.. i hadnt moved at all.. i was basically at a red light for months at a time.. im beggining to get my lovely, honest true character back but im suffering terribly with what can only be anxiety... heres some examples please give me advice:

if i text a friend and they dont reply i instantly feel ive said or done something bad to them..
if i visit a friends house i leave replaying everything i said in my mind worrying about if i have said or done something wrong..
i confide in people and worry they might say something to another, or that someone might misconstrude my words...
i love shopping but noticeably over the past weeks i have just wanted to be in and out
my patience is terribly low.
i become irritated very easily and at times cant tolerate people for a long time.
a few weeks ago i almost ran a red light by accident and stopped last minute i kept worrying that i would get a ticket in the post even though i had stopped all be it after the line.
i just cant live like this.. its painful and debilatating.
i feel incapable of making decisions at times.

thank you :(

[diane07]

Hi meanz

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[london]

before you bash your self up to much
remember you was in a bad accident what was not your fault
we all get ill dont put your self down your as good as any one
we all have fears from time to time but thay go dont give up
wish you better god bless

[bonney]

hi does sound like you have anxiety which is not very nice i suffer the same was a happy go lucky person enjoying life then things started to get on top of me all of a sudden before i knew it i had a breakdown 2 and a half years ago not over it yet it does take time to heal had therapy for a while helped me at first while i was there but it is down to us to make that recovery and try to stay positive which even that can be hard when your mind is in too much turmoil things do get better though you just have to take those horrible thought away when they come into your head that all comes with the anxiety and try to distract yourself away from them hope this as helped be strong and take care

[Teaboy2]

Hi meanz

Sorry to hear about what your going through, I have had anxiety on and off for 10 years. Its not a something that is easy to deal with and your first step should be to go and speak to your Doctor to seek professional help. Now your symptoms are very similar to what i suffer, but i can tell you that no matter how much you think others are thinking about what you said or what you did etc, that it is highly unlikely that they are thinking or talking about it. Hell they probably not even thinking about you once. Its the same when you see someone look at you across the street, I used to think they were looking at me because they were thinking about me or thought i was strange for some reason. The truth is they weren't looking at me or thinking about me, but were looking past me or it was just a chance meeting of the eyes or an acknowleging me because they knew me from somewhere. I realised that one day when one actually stopped me and said you don't remember me do you? - I was in the same year as you in primary school.

What am saying is what you already know, its in your mind. Now proffessional help may help you but you also have to realise that you too need to help yourself, by slaming the door shut on those thoughts your having by telling yourself to think of other things as soon as you start getting those thoughts in your mind. Think of things that make you happy like family or fun times with friends etc.

I also think you are surffering insecurity as well as anxiety and i feel your relationship triggered your insecurities which resulted in your anxiety. Obivously the accident played a part, but i do not think that was the trigger as you said that was 3 years ago and occording to your post you then had a 2 year relationship, which is when your symptoms started to show themselves. Believe it or not but love is a major cause of anxiety and it sounds as if you felt you needed to do more and more to keep your man and were afraid of losing him, is what am sounding fimilar?

Now obviously i know some of what i said above maybe a little upsetting, but thats not my intention, as my intention is to help you just like everyone else here wants to help you through this. So please don't take what i said the wrong way, as knowing the true cause of your anxiety is a key step to beating it.