HELP! Im anxious about going to the Doctor and cant talk when I get there.

[Sheilamarie]

Hi

Ive been dealing with anxiety all my life, but have always been too afraid to get help.

Within the past three years, I have been trying to fix the mess Ive made of my life.
For years I avoided doctors and dentists and hospitals. Do to this anxiety and lack of knowledge (and my own negligence), my mild asthma has developed into severe asthma, that teeters on the edge of control.

I found a GREAT dentist, and visits to her get easier each time I go.

I am now seeing a family DR, respirologist and therapist.

When I finally made the decision to see a therapist, I found things got better, I could deal with my emotions better.

After a couple of visits I'm at a roadblock.
My anxiety has gotten worse,Ive avoided appointments and my asthma is WAY out of control. I waited so long to get help that they almost had to intubate me 4 days ago. After an issue with one of my nurses, I felt I could not stay and had to go home where it is safe. I signed myself out against Dr recommendation. I feel very guilty about doing so, but also felt like I had no other choice.

I am a nervous person, when the phone rings or there's a knock at the door, my heart jump into my throat and I cant answer unless I'm prepared for it.

I keep all my windows covered so my neighbors cant see in. I cant let people visit my apartment unless I have had time to prepare physically and mentally.

I am on a plethora of meds for my asthma, and they make the anxiety worse.

I tried citalopram, but felt no positive effects. I began having more and more nightmares. I stopped taking it after a month and now I feel stuck. I already had trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep. I feel so crappy when I am ready to get up that I feel like staying in bed forever.

When I DO MANAGE to get to the DR office, I forget what I meant to say. I write it down on paper, but am too gutless to pull out the paper in her office.

I NEED to sort this out! I think the roadblock maybe caused by our latest topic, what "self talk" do I have when I think about visiting the DR?

I know the answer, but am afraid to tell her,because I dont like the answer. I worry about what the DR will think of me, how they will react to me.

Logically I KNOW I cant predcit what she will say/do. I also dont believe in letting other peoples opinions of me bother me. But it seems they do. I dont think I can tell her. When I think of it I start to panic and know ill never make the appointment. The last appt I had I cancelled because I couldn't sleep the night before, I took sleeping pills one by one....when I finally felt I could sleep, I knew Id never make it up in time for the appt.

I want so badly to do the right thing, but now wonder if that's even possible. I NEED HELP. Ive been getting angrier by the day, taking it out on the one person I love the most. I dont mean too, but Ive been mean, and it has to stop, but I cant even seem to admit this to my Dr or therapist. I dont want to BE a bad person, and I dont want to look like one to others.



DESPERATE for any advice,
Sheila :scared10:

[skyblue]

Hi Shelia

Bless,I can sympathise with you 100%,I have trouble when going to the doc's and end up saying nothing that i wanted to,and then come away feeling worse...

Im constantly told by friends and family i worry too much what other people think..and really it doesnt matter..but to me it does.

It become a horrible hamster wheel does'nt it,going round in circles till you feel knackerd,and stuck behind a brick wall..

Dont be hard on yourself,sometimes when we go to new groups its bloody hard,i had cbt..and sitting in that room,well another story,talk to your GP,and beleive me they have heard it all..so they wont think the worst,tell them what you are going through..and that you need some support,as we all try and battle on our our own.

sometimes we need to say hay im here!!! and i need some help..

take care

love sky xx:flowers:

[paula lynne]

Hi there. I find it difficult to talk to my GP too. I end up talking so fast, and usually forgetting a very important question, or come out feeling frustrated. I find a good tool is to write everything down, and I explain to the doc Ive done this so I dont forget anything. You need to tell your doc the truth about your feelings, because this then can enable your doc to give you the proper care. Your doc is a professional, and I bet what you need to say is no better or worse than the next person, theyve heared it all before. They are not there to judge you, they are there to help you. I hope you find the strength to talk openly, take a deep breath and just do it.......get better soon.
Love Paula x

[fishman65]

Hello Sheila,you say you were taking citalopram for about a month? This is really quite a short time for anti-depressants to start working,the benefits of them increase gradually so it might be a good idea to give them more time.As for the nightmares whilst on them,could it be possible that it was the already present anxiety that was causing these?I would go back to the Dr and speak or write down for him that you might like to try the citalopram again,or he might suggest a different anti-dep.Good luck,

Andy