Im So Ashamed

[wendy]

Hi :(

I feel so ashamed of myself, Just went to get a Mcdonalds for my son, having a bad day so felt awful all the way there and to make it worse the queue was huge and I had to wait for my take away order, I felt panic rush over me as I was ordering, started scratching, clenching fists, grabbing at my clothes etc and had to go and sit down to wait, it got worse and worse and was sure id pass out or die in there, totally got wrapped up in the whirl of fear, next arrives an ambulance and paramedics rush in, It is only then I notice a little boy lying having a fit / seziure on the floor I feel so ashamed that I was so wrapped up in myself to even notice - I am not a selfish person so why am I constantly thinking of whats going to happen to me and not even aware of others, this poor child going through this and even still I then convinced myself that I would soon too have a fit, I am now worried that he will be ok, also worried if this ever happens to my son, and what if I wasnt with him if I did, or if I was with him how would I cope well enough for him,
I just broke down in the car and feel this anxiety is making me selfish, I spend all my time thinking about me and hate it, I love to help and do things for people and didnt realise what a selfish person I now am - what has become of me?

Thanks for listening

Wendy

[Wannabeloved85]

oh wendy,
You are not selfish. i read your post and i would have reacted the same way. This is the way we are built, we have the fight or flight machasim to keep ourselves safe. I know, and deep down so do you, if anything was to happen to your son, you would cope and you'd get him help.
Becci x

[nomorepanic]

Wendy

You are not selfish. You had your own issues to deal with at the time. I bet loads of other people didn't notice either.

Try not to beat yourself up ok? These things happen and you do have to look after you as well.

Hope you feel better soon.

Nicola

[Daisybun]

Hi Wendy
You are not selfish sweetie, you went out even when you knew you could feel panicky so that you could go to McDonalds with your son, that doesn't sound selfish! Well done!
As for having a panic attack that was OK too, I hate queues, I just want to do what I have to do and that's it. there would be nothing you could do for that little boy anyway, he was in the best hands, you had to feal with how you were feeling and concentrate on you and your son, that's enough so don't punish yourself.
take care

Daisybun


'This too will pass'

[Piglet]

Totally agree with what the others have said.

Love Piglet x

[wendy]

Thanks everyone, your always all so kind,

Situations such as this really hi-light how life changing anxiety is and guess it has scared me how much having this as changed me as a person, many days feel like survival rather than living, I look forward to the Days when everyone of us is free from this,

Thanks again all

Love
Wendy x

[Karen]

Hi Wendy

I completely agree that this is NOT a sign of being selfish. When experiencing a panic attack it is the body's self protection mechanism that means outside stimulus is shut out and that's why it is so hard to notice what is happening around you. It doesn't mean anything bad about you. It is simply a physiological reaction.

I've just got home after having a panic attack in a supermarket so I sympathise with how you are feeling right now.

Having a good cry in the car was probably the best way to let the emotion out.

I hope you are feeling better and calmer now. Don't give yourself a hard time about this.

Karen



Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey

[wendy]

Thanks Karen xx

[carlin]

Hi there, i think you done real good today, you went and got MackyD's for your son!!!!!!I think that is a success, you felt awful and still did it! As for the poor littlechild, things will be fine, he was being looked after by the professionals, there was not anything you could have done, the reaction you have is just natural.It will not happen to your son, and if it did, auto-pilot would take over, trust me on that. take care. xx

[wendy]

Thanks Carlin

Glad you all made me think of the success side of it, I been too full of negatives today x

[marie ross]

Hi Wendy

Please don't feel ashamed, the last time i went into McDonalds i don't even remember eating the food because i was that anxious and just wanted to get out of there. Many things happen around me all the time and i just don't notice them, but like carlin said if god forbid something did happen to anyone we love, then your auto-pilot would just kick. Take care and don't beat yourself up about that little boy, he's in the best hands possible and i'm sure there was nothing that you could have done anyway to prevent it.

Marie XXX

[wendy]

Thanks Marie...... Bloody anxiety hey [}:)]

Wendy x