Worry about cancer all the time

[Violet1]

Hi, I'm new and have some massive problems with worrying about my health. The doctor has said I have a cancer phobia, I can not even bare writing that word. In the last year I thought I had breast cancer ( had scan, all ok) then cervical cancer ( had scan, swab, all ok) I had a few symptons with each, but totally convinced myself the worst. Then about 7 weeks ago I began to have a constant stomach ache, almost like a hunger pain, I couldn't eat with out feeling sick. My dad paid for me to see a gastroenterologist, as I thought I had stomach cancer, anyway doctor said no alarm signals, but would send me for endoscopy to check for ulcers etc. I had to go NHS for that as I have no private cover and was too expensive for me to pay. They said there was about a six week wait, I kept getting in a state, in the end my dad said he'd pay for the procedure (£1400!) had it done Monday, all fine! So as you can imagine I have been on top of the world since Monday, then my husband finds a tiny lump behind his testicle! Well you can imagine what I'm thinking, I had him at the doctors this morning, he said it's fine but would send him for a scan. Now I'm panicking!

I just take this anymore, my head is driving me mad. I know this is irrational but can't stop it!! It's awful, not just for me but my poor husband! I also have 4 children, and I worry so much something will happen to me and I'll never see them again.

When I have a worry, I google literally all day, find something that reassures me, but I keep googling til something scares the hell out of me. My doctor has referred me to see a Psychotherapist.

This isnt something new, have always been a worrier especially about my health. Seems to be worse though sine my mother in law died of breast cancer two years ago, which was terribly quick and traumatic


Believe it or not with all the negativity I am happy and love my life, but this worrying is a bit over the top! Anyone else similar?

[mel78]

Hi Violet - you've come to the right place. Your story could be the story of almost anybody here on this forum. I completely sympathise, and I understand that you CAN be happy and love life while also having this terrible fear. I actually think the two may be related, as I feel much the same. I finally have a life I really love and am really happy, I think that my health anxiety has only gotten worse because subconsciously I am worried it will all be taken away from me. I also think that HA can be worse when you have young children - the fear of leaving them without a mum / dad is very intense.

It is good that your doctor at least knows that you suffer from this anxiety. It is also good that he has referred you for some professional help. I would say that you should take advantage of the psychotherapist - fully engage and see if it can help you.

HA is awful, believe me, I know - but I think that recognising that you have it is the first positive step you can make in dealing with it. And one more thing - stay away from Google! It will never, never do you any good. You are better not to Google at all and remain unsure than to Google and get reassurance because, as you've noticed you will always find something that terrifies you eventually.

[swgrl09]

I am the same way with cancer, especially since my mom passed away from a rare cancer this past year. Every bump, mole, etc is cancer to me. The swollen gland i posted about before - I was sure it was thyroid cancer or lymphoma. It is EXHAUSTING. I google all the time even though google has been wrong for me 100% of the time. I am seeing a counselor and thinking about meds if it doesn't improve in the next few months. Have you seen a counselor for yours?

[Violet1]

Thank you for your replies. Mel you're totally right, I am always feeling I am too lucky and it's going to be taken all away!

I have been reading back the posts and I am quite amazed that people think exactly the same way as me! It's astonishing! I really feel that it's only me who thinks like that . My husband totally doesn't understand, he keeps telling me to stop being silly and worrying! Which I can not help but laugh about, if only I could do that!! It makes sense in my head but part of my head just can't think 'normally'! He is very sweet and I can tell that my behaviour is terribly upsetting for him. He can see what I get like and it must be awful for someone to watch!

I really hope the psychotherapist can help. Surely it can't be that hard to train my brain to think differently?? I'm not sure what they an do, but I really need to calm down a little and worry like 'normal' people.

When I was telling the doctor I was crying but laughing at the same time, as I really sound crazy when I list all the things I think I've had and the procedures I've had done. And to be honest it does sound funny, but really it's not - it's just awful being me sometimes. I think my husband is pleased to get away from me when I'm bad, wish I could get away from myself sometimes

---------- Post added at 16:24 ---------- Previous post was at 16:23 ----------

Sorry, yes I will be seeing a councillor/psychotherapist, just waiting for an appointment

[countrygirl]

Hi Violet - its good that you at least understand what you are doing even if you cannot at the moment control it. My husband says worst thing is not being able to help me, he feels so useless and your husband will feel just the same - I think there needs to be a forum for spouses and partners of us lot:)

I have been told many times by Drs that HA is one manifestation of OCD - we obsess about health and symptoms rather than have general OCD and I have to agree. Hard as it is to admit, it is a mental illness that has a huge effect on our life but is the one that is the most mocked by other people. They would not dare to make fun of someone with other mental illnesses that I cannot spell! but you know what I mean and I think we try and hide it from everyone even those close to us if we can. My husband is only person who knows my real fears. Oh and my GP which is good if they are sympathetic as mine is.

Reading your post I realised I thought I was reading something about me. Embarrasing as it is to say there is not much of me that has not had a camera shoved up or down it or been scanned:D:blush:. We do all think the same you are not alone at all.

Accept all offers of help with therapy as hopefully it will help you and good luck.

[macc noodle]

Violet

Reading your post reminded me of how I felt about 2 years ago .............

I have had CBT and am on the mend now - still petrified of actually getting some dreaded illness but not as obsessed as I was and certainly not moving from one thing to the next like you are stuck in at the moment.

Therapy is most definitely the way to go and NOT constant testing and trips to the hospital.

Although your father is being very kind to keep paying for these, he is not actually helping you at all. As you have reported, as soon as one thing is ticked off your list of dreaded cancers, you just move on to the next one and then I can promise you that as soon as you have exhausted the list, you will go back to the beginning and it starts all over again...............................

If your father wants to pay for any help, CBT by a recommended therapist would be a brilliant option. I waited 7 months for mine on the NHS but I have to say it has been well worth the wait...................

Good luck - you will find lots of support here - there are plenty of us here suffering or have suffered from HA. And we understand how crippling it is.

Macc Noodle

xxxx