View Full Version : The war's over, I won
Hi all, haven't really been here for a while. I've had a lot going on in my life, and it's helped me to regain some perspective on my problems. I am now reducing my dose of cit the RIGHT way, and have been on 10mg for approximately 5 weeks. I didn't go cold turkey this time.
There was some initial lowering of my mood, but this was because of things that were happening in my life at that time, and didn't really have much to do with dropping the dose. (In my opinion, a major sign of improvement is that I now don't blame everything on the illness or medication.) I am highly doubtful that coming off cit will hurt me in the long run; the ONLY way to recover from anxiety is to develop your own defences, and that is something you must do for yourself over a long period of hard work.
I guess I came back here for some general support, not because I'm coming off the cit, but because I feel like life has battered me a bit. I am pretty heartbroken over splitting up with a girl I met on Plenty of Fish. I was only with her for 5 weeks, so being "heartbroken" sounds a bit daft, but we shared a lot and had a hell of an adventure. My relationship with her was helping me to kill off any pretence of agoraphobia, and I was always out doing things and being part of the world. Recently she sent me a "Dear John" text, partly because we had our first argument, partly because I made the mistake of telling her I am recovering from anxiety and she couldn't handle what I had been through.
Tonight I went on another date with a girl I've been speaking to on the phone all week. While nothing actually went wrong on the date (and I certainly haven't told her anything about the anxiety), I felt quite uncomfortable and after it was over, I texted her apologising that things hadn't worked out, and she replied the same - basically telling me another potential girlfriend wasn't interested.
Anyway, the point of this thread is that I'm coming off the cit because I believe I've reached the stage where I can get better without it. I've been through too much, and I am so much stronger mentally. I just need support with the real life things like relationship break-ups and so forth, if anyone has any words of encouragement?
Hi
Great post as usual!!!!!!
You are a real inspiration, the advice is better than any doctor.
The effort you put in here is appreciated so much.
Good luck going forwards.
Relationship break ups can be really tough and I understand 100%. the right girl will honestly come along.
I'm in a tricky situation myself, I've had no support or understanding from my partner through my journey, and the more I recover the more I resent how I've been treated. I no longer want this person like i did ! I want more , a lot more to be honest.
I need to really change things!!
P.s you're not far from where I live.
Keep us all posted.
I just wanna say thanks first of all for your citalopram survival guide. It's clearing alot up for me :)
My best advice for relationships and break ups is that 5 years down the line, will this all matter?
Hi, thanks for the replies. Splitting from my ex has been really tough, but in a way it's refreshing, maybe cleansing, to feel genuine sorrow.
The hardest part is knowing she's still out there somewhere, probably being glad she's not with me any more. I mean, if someone dies, at least you can still "talk" to them to comfort yourself and feel close to them, but when that person is still out there and simply doesn't want you in their life, how do you resolve that?
I seem to move past it and even get mad at her or just think "sod her", but then I hear a sad song and wonder if I'll ever really get over losing her.
On the other hand, I have had more time to play Final Fantasy 9, so maybe she did me a favour ;)
Things aren't going too well on Plenty of Fish. I've got a date on Wednesday but my confidence has been knocked by the failed date on Friday. I have spoken to the Friday girl since (by text) and she said she just didn't feel the chemistry face to face that she did over the phone. I knew as soon as I saw her that I wouldn't be good enough - she was really pretty and wore a short dress, and my heart totally sank, as I knew for a fact it would never work out between us.
The girl I'm meeting on Wednesday lives over an hour away, although she did offer to come to me. Again though, she's really pretty, and without being shallow, pretty girls almost never look at me twice; I usually end up running away from tattooed chavs with teeth that, quite frankly, scare the sh*t out of me.
So, I came here to discuss citalopram, but it seems like dating issues are once again at the top of the agenda! Can a recovering anxiety sufferer overcome a life of fear and bad choices, and meet the girl of his dreams? Find out on Wednesday night in the new episode of "PsychoPoet Gets Dumped Again"!
Hey, try not to define your success by having a partner. You've come so far and doen well, helping and inspiring others. You can be fab and successful on your own, and not need validation with a girlfriend.
Just be yourself as confidence and independence is attractive.:hugs:
Greenman50
10-10-11, 17:38
Hey, try not to define your success by having a partner. You've come so far and doen well, helping and inspiring others. You can be fab and successful on your own, and not need validation with a girlfriend.
Just be yourself as confidence and independence is attractive.:hugs:
Couldn,t agree more ...:D
A few of my friends have had the time of there life since becomeing single again in there 40,s .
You meet that special person when you least expect it , so just enjoy the dates and don,t expect to much at the moment , when it happens it happens enjoy the single life while you can !
Well done on the cit reduction , i,m going to ask my doctor about comeing off it this month (reduceing)
Hi all! Thanks for the feedback :D
Regarding the cit, I have completed 5 weeks on 10mg and I am about to step down to 5mg. There have been a few side effects:
* Massive increase in sex drive.
* Very infrequent moments where the anxiety is heightened.
* Occasional palpitations, or chest sensations similar to palpitations.
Of all these, the only problem is my libido. I have come very far along the "positive thinking" route over the last 6 months and am highly experienced at dealing with the anxiety, so physical side effects don't really trouble me too much. I rarely get negative thoughts and am extremely capable of handling them now.
Wll wrte more later as my keyboard has started playng up... 'll let you guess whch letter key sn't workng :\
Bloody £60 keyboards... don't buy Razar, ther products are crap.
cathycrumble
13-10-11, 12:25
Sounds good to me especially the sex drive bit coming back lol. I met my partner on Girls date for free and I have been with him 17 months. I am a lot older than you but I am soo happy I was so nervous about joining a dating agency. It was my friend who told me about them as I had been in a long marriage and wanted out. But being very shy I did find it hard. But so glad i did it. I did go out with about 5 or 6 before I found my man. and I also had a few downers along the way as I got let down by a bloke I went on two dates with he was just too selfish and footy came first but I thought I liked him now I know I didnt he still kept getting in touch asking me out. He was just a selfish let down. Sorry went on a bit there lol. I just want to say there is someone out there for you, believe me. And I have had anxiety this last year as lots of things happend to me but my man has stood by me and he knows I have anxiety and it just doesn't bother him.
And also I have reduced from 40mg to 20mg and I can say my sex drive is coming back which i am over the moon about. That is one of the reasons I wanted to ween off the citalopram. Anyway keep positive and I will keep following you on here. :)
Cathy xx
Hi
I just want to say that POF is probably not a best dating site to meet people from. I have had been on and off for 3 years had one or two relationships out of it but all the men i met had some kind of issues or insecurities to the point it destroyed the relationship, funny this coming out from somebody like me as i have major issues myself but as the site is free i don't think people take it that seriously and they usually go on it to get over their ex's. I have deleted my profile now. Sorry not sure this will help you anyhow but i do get how all this dating business can make you feel.
Greenman50
13-10-11, 22:38
Hope my sex drive comes back (i,m on 20 mg ) but due to cut down under the dr this month :yesyes:
Just wish the wife was actually interested in sex , so a low sex drive isn,t really a problem here anyway :roflmao:it just really strains the realationship , ahh well theres more to marriage than sex (apparantly!) but i feel its make or break time for us :weep:
This plenty of fish dateing jobbie ....a friend of a friend (no its not me) has been on there for years just for sex and states as such(he is single)and has now met someone on there he has moved in with , it must be love !
I would think it is used by a lot of "players" just for you know what but there must be some guinuine peeps on there aswell.
At the end of the day Mr youthfull poet :D (32 you lucky git !) ...enjoy these years of freedom and finding yourself again and have the time of your life my friend , you can then look back on them as good times like i did but i didn,t realise how good it was at the time , does this make sense ?:D
[QUOTE=mel2;
At the end of the day Mr youthfull poet :D (32 you lucky git !) ...enjoy these years of freedom and finding yourself again and have the time of your life my friend , you can then look back on them as good times like i did but i didn,t realise how good it was at the time , does this make sense ?:D[/QUOTE]
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Beginnings are usually scary and endings are usually sad, but it’s everything in between that makes it all worth living..........:) Sue
Hi everyone! Long time no post; thanks to everyone who has replied in this thread. I'll try to answer all comments in this reply.
The dating site is going from bad to worse. It is not for the faint hearted and is certainly not for those who are still struggling with anxiety, depression and confidence problems. My experiences there are putting me off women, relationships and sex.
Since I joined Plenty of Fish (POF from here on) I've met girls who simply want someone "better" than me, i.e. a high flyer on a massive salary who travels to every country. Basically they're looking for Simon Cowell. There are a dispiriting number of people using POF who actually believe such a person is out there, and that such a person is going to sign up to POF and live in South Yorkshire.
A girl I worked with years ago contacted me and we went for a night out last night. To say it was a disaster is pretty much hitting it on the head. I could start a thread about my POF experiences, but if you imagine me getting out of there as fast as I can, that would cover it.
I'm thinking of knocking the dating on the head for a while as it's just hammering my confidence and oh yeah, I still haven't got over losing my ex.
When recovering from anxiety, confidence seems to be seasonal. When your latest blip ends you find yourself entering the "springtime", where you start to feel calm and peaceful as you recover from the horror of the blip. Pretty soon the blip is forgotten and the relief brings a massive rush of confidence. This is the "summer". You have loads of energy, the world is a beautiful place and you're always trying to regain what the anxiety took away from you.
Then, with cold inevitability, something happens (or more often, a series of bad things happen) and your new hope is battered, then eventually smashed, or simply worn down from the exhaustion of the "summer". This is "autumn", and it is the gradual transition from a state of recovery to the next blip. As you've probably guessed, the blip itself is the "winter" of the soul.
And then the cycle repeats.
To get back on topic for a change, I am now reducing to 5mg of cit. The first week of reducing a dose is generally ok but then I find myself feeling unaccountably "ill". I lose confidence and motivation. I just want to slob around and end up wanting to quit my job and do something else. I'm currently experiencing all of that now. There are always life circumstances that could account for these feelings but I know deep down that it's mostly the bloody citalopram getting revenge for being ditched. It's like an ex with a voodoo doll of you.
Fortunately my sex drive has settled down now... although women are generally the last thing on my mind these days. So there it is, how to go off the opposite sex and lose your libido in only 3 months: join POF.
Good God Poet - POF is simply a cattle market... You'd be better off fishing in your local park's pond. Been there so know how demoralising it can be. You deserve better mate.
If you're going to do internet dating, my personal opinion is that you should meet the person quickly, without pissing around and wasting valuable time. Be very selective but at the same time one must remember it's, unfortunately, a numbers game, and anxiety sufferers will be especially hard hit by the constant 'going through the motions' and subsequent disappointments.
Give yourself a break, recharge your batteries, then look at it all again in a few weeks' time.
We are worth more than pieces of meat in a cattle market.
Awww Poet
Sorry you're having such a bad time with the ladies. I think you have to adopt a light hearted approach to dating sites and keep your expectations low. I've had some extremely random experiences with the men I've met on them and when I write my book there will be a whole chapter devoted to those gentlemen.
Good to hear that the Cit reduction is going OK, my policy is to make no changes to your life while the chemicals are Fu##ing with your brain, wait for it to settle down.
xx
Anxious_gal
23-10-11, 23:27
OK cupids rather good for chatting on plus it's free.
I'm much too wary of people to meet them off "the internet" lol but I do think women get much more offers, and the men always have to make the first move.
Not bragging or anything, but it can be impossible for females to rely as they can often be flooded with inbox messages, I actually left because I didn't have the energy to reply!
I use it more to chat with people who are from different time zones as often my anxiety is at night and keeps me up.
Uh women like that are awful! I do feel bad when most people on there have college degrees or are in college :(
Sorry your date didn't go well, it might make a good story ;) I have had some pretty bad dates, but I actually ended up dating one of them (for a while) after bumping into him again lol
I think some dates go bad when both of ye are full of nerves :)
If she contacted you maybe you could try it again? To be honest going out with a group works much better as you don't feel so much in the spot light.
Wow you are down to 5mgs well done.
It does help you have that kind of mind that is able to look deeper into things :)
depression and anxiety can really mess with how you think so it does take a lot of effort to recognize that and to change it.
It's good in a way your sex drive is lower, makes it less frustrating ;)
But hopefully it'll come back once you find a lady.
To be honest I have always found a date at the weirdest times when I am least expecting it, not happened in forever but then I don't get out much :)
Hi all, well another day has dawned, I've got rid of yesterday's hangover but I'm full of cold after my "fantastic" night out. Also, my best mate texted me all but threatening suicide today, so I've had that to deal with as well. A PsychoPoet's work is never done. I'm run down already and haven't even started work yet... I hate having cold.
For anyone interested, I told my friend to contact the Samaritans, but he is also dealing with stressful life situations, so I advised him how to cope with them and to also come out with me for the day on Saturday. He and I, like most people who are dealing with anxiety or depression, tend to spend a lot of time in the same situation with the same thoughts (brooding), and the only way to overcome this is to get a fresh perspective by doing something different. He and I used to go out into the countryside and have a pub lunch every Saturday before I became ill back in 2009. He phoned me, we just chatted for a bit about random stuff and he's ok now. I wonder how many suicidal people simply need a friend to get them out of their brooding for a while. A break from repetitive thoughts can make such a difference.
Knowing that the change to my meds is having side effects makes things easier to cope with. It always makes me feel unaccountably ill and restless, it saps my motivation and makes me feel quite low, but I've come down from 30mg to 20mg, then to 10mg, and I can survive going from 10mg to 5mg. The low moods and inner tension start to dissolve over the course of a week or two.
I have noticed that I've felt low since my last counselling session. It's been ages between sessions due to my counsellor going on holiday, and I basically never thought about anxiety or problems during that whole time. Dragging it up again in counselling was not easy.
Am not looking forward to another 4 days of selling the iphone 4s (yawn), work was much, much more exciting before that stupid rip-off phone came out, plus we don't get any bonus for the iphone even though it's ridiculously more expensive than everything else on the market... I really hate that phone. Wow, it can do what Samsung's been doing for 6 months, wow it's got a gimmicky voice recognition that doesn't work properly, wow its sat nav is not tuned to work in the UK... let me spend six hundred quid on one. Moo! Ahem, anyway.
Finally, on dating sites I do get a bit of attention, however I was that serious about finding someone I became a paid member which increased the amount of attention I got by about 1000%. If you're male, I'd recommend considering becoming a paid member, but only do this if you've got patience and a lot of free time. I've learned to wait for women to message me, as messaging them is generally a waste of time. This is the advice I always give to males.
I'd recommend that people make their intentions clearly obvious, and don't hesitate to block someone who hassles you or is otherwise not suitable. I've only blocked three people so far due to their shitty attitudes. I think men have less of a problem with this because women usually don't bother sending messages out. Obviously equality is only something that people want when it doesn't involve making any effort ;)
Make sure that people do not think you're something you aren't, otherwise they will find out on the first date and your efforts will have been wasted.
I've never been on a dating site before, but I do know a few people who have tried them and failed.
I'm not old enough to comment on relationships and so on without sounding naive being 18, although I firmly believe that these sites rarely work under the rule that you don't find love, love finds you... I met my girlfriend who I've been with for 2 years on the bus to college and what I can tell you is that the first time I met her, I didn't nearly fancy her as much as I do now.
What I'm trying to say is that sometimes you don't realise what's right in front of you. That may also be something to take as advice for life in general. We often ignore what's right in front of us. For a while I was under the impression that my life sucked and my friends were fake. This was a distorted view, it turned out that what I thought was "friends" weren't friends at all, merely acquintances. I realised who my true friends were, and I have about 2 to 3 of them. 2 or 3 real friends are more valuable than an infinite number of fake friends. One of them being my girlfriend, whom I'd never really considered my closest friend at the time.
Hi all. Lots of developments. First, regarding the dating site, I've decided to try it again. I'm trying to work on my attitude so that I do not expect failure, but don't get too much hope up; a fine balancing act, though the key to recovering from anxiety is to "find the balance" within yourself, something which I had started to do and suddenly seem to have stopped.
The most important update: I think I've outgrown my counsellor. I had a session yesterday and she basically had nothing to tell me. I don't even think she was listening at one point. (Remember this is phone counselling.) My issues do not really revolve around anxiety any more and I'm not sure she can help me any further beyond re-iterating the same points to me. She keeps telling me to live "in the here and now", to stick with my current job and not try to change my hours or team etc, and to keep doing my breathing exercises. Apart from that I got no useful feedback during yesterday's session.
So, with anxiety apparently out of the picture and the reduction in medication going ok, what am I now faced with?
Well, I've been feeling very lonely these days. Autumn is (or used to be) a special time for me. I was talking to my brother about days when he and I used to hang around with our mates and this time of year was full of mystery and excitement. Now I'm alone and single; my mate doesn't seem to want to do anything these days, and there isn't really anyone else do anything with. I can't get motivated to go out with my dad. I don't do any writing or even play computer games because I feel like I haven't got enough time.
Our mates grew up, whereas my brother and I didn't. We never moved on. We never met life partners or worked hard in jobs. In fact my work life is a splintered wasteland of missed opportunities and letters of notice, and my love life is a total joke. I never applied myself to anything, even my writing.
My counsellor says that not having a pension or a house is something I shouldn't worry about as I have debts to pay and there is still plenty of time to build a financial future. But I am slightly agitated to know that I am 32 and still in the exact same situation I was when I was 20.
She says my attitude is still very negative except when it comes to beating anxiety. So my next logical step is to overcome the negativity that paralyses me. Even making this post has been a chore because my energy is being pulled down a sinkhole of negativity.
Before anyone tells me I'm depressed, this isn't depression, it's an underlying issue that I have never dealt with and am now fully confronting for the first time. This could be the root of my anxiety and my low moods; it's like some negative current that has always been hiding inside me, forcing me to choose the safe (and boring) course through life, making me want to be at home bored rather than out there living life to the full.
This is a new direction in my fight for recovery. Who knows, maybe we'll all learn something from it. I'd be interested in feedback from anyone who has read all this.
I think negative thinking is something that all of us on these forums are guilty of, 'tis the reason we're here I suppose.
I used to think I had the best social life in the world, went out every weekend, got smashed off my face, enjoyed the company of large groups and just enjoyed life... Now the situation is different, I feel lonely as I see people on Facebook post pictures every week of their fantastic night out. It feels like I should be living my life and having fun but I just don't know where to start.
I think what you are looking for in life is change, you're fed up of your old routine and your attitude... but becoming aware of your negative thoughts is the first step into change.
Remember that anyone can change who they are, if they want to enough, and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. Monitor your thoughts carefully and learn to notice the negative ones. The negative ones aren't so easy to spot at first... I find that watching what I say helps my mood massively, to focus the mood on positive things with the people around me instead of negative ones. People can be a good indicator of the energy your giving out. If you're giving off good energy then the people around you will make you feel good, and likewise the reverse :)
Also, you mentioned about your counsellor describing how you're positive where it comes to beating anxiety, so clearly you're not suffering from a complete wave of negativity. Think about your love life, then think about beating anxiety... Notice your different thought patterns between the two.
Hi Hayden, I wonder how many people suffer from anxiety precisely because they are such negative thinkers? Do years of negativity lay the foundations for nervous illness? What makes one person anxious at the thought of a night out or going to work, for example, while another person might look forward to it, or at least be able to get on with it and not let it ruin their day?
Loneliness is a real bitch. It seems to amplify negative feelings. I would like to go out and do things, but nobody else wants to come. It's my special time of year and I'm reduced to sitting in all day wishing things were better. It helps to know that it won't always be like this. Acceptance and moving on will be the key things. I don't know if I trust my counsellor any more, she was pretty useless the other night, so I'm gonna have to learn these things the hard way.
Hayden: What exactly changed - how could you enjoy nights out at one time, and now you don't? It's true that positive thinking helps massively but it can take practice and I worry for the people who can't be bothered to put the effort in. I still believe people are designed to be happy or at least content and that's why our mood leaps if we start telling ourselves positive things.
My ex, the one I am still missing 2 months later, has closed her POF profile. Either she's given up on it or she's found someone. I was only with her for 6 weeks and I can't believe how much it still hurts that she's not here. I worry it makes me some kind of stalker.
I thought that "life after anxiety" would be like paradise. Instead, it's lonely and confusing... but that makes a weird kind of sense. It's not like anything has been permanently destroyed. It's like someone handed me the key to a deserted kingdom and told me to build it all back up.
I don't know all the answers for your questions. I can tell you what I think though. For me the answer is obvious, my parents (my dad especially) say extremely negatively things sometimes. I suppose that a life time percieving their lives as a waste has had it's toll and negative/positive energy has the ability to rub off on you. Sometimes it can be traumatic events, money problems, or in your case, that currently unshakable feeling of loneliness that can lead to negative thinking.
Perhaps you should change who you want to go out with? How about taking your own path by yourself and enjoy the time to yourself? Going to the Gym to work on your Abs? Joining a class/club of some type over the things you thoroughly enjoy can also be beneficial to making friends you can do things with and share something in common with.
I think that enjoying yourself involves enjoying time by yourself aswell as with other people. For me, I like to watch Japanese anime and learn guitar when I'm on my own. I actually am starting to enjoy the time on my own now.
As for what happened for me? I think I went down the wrong path and made friends with the wrong kind of people for me - mostly because I lost myself, I lost what I like to do and lost the will to focus on myself. I stopped loving myself. I was disgusted with what I saw in the mirror :(
About your Ex, I don't think that your emotions are so much over her than they are over your emotional vulnerability at the moment. Without too much offense - It might the clingy feelings that you're describing at the moment that are half of your issue? 2 months is an awful long time to be missing someone after a month relationship, especially for a man of 32.
Hi, thanks for the advice. You make a lot of sense.
First, regarding the loneliness: I have started taking part in online activities (working on a series of levels for a computer game project), and viewing things in a more positive light: instead of timewasting, I am trying to just do things. I'm about 50% better at motivating myself to do things, not bad in such a short space of time.
Also I am meeting a new girl from Plenty of Fish tomorrow and she seems lovely.
I'm planning on knocking counselling on the head since it is costing a lot of money that I don't need to spend. I got my use out of the counsellor and now I'm simply paying for her to say the same platitudes; it's time to stop talking and start acting, and I've already started acting.
I'm sorting my finances out and selling my beloved sports car (which is costing over £200 a month in fuel) for a Peugeot that I've had my eye on for a while. It's been 10 years since I owned a diesel car and I should be picking the Pug up on Friday; time to save money on tax, fuel and insurance, after a decade of blowing thousands on powerful cars.
So, hopefully this post will show that a person can make changes over time as long as they take on a decisive attitude and see their decisions through. It's tempting to relax and let life pass by, but where does that get us in the end?
Hi Poet
I think you are absolutely right about building up your kingdom. The world we live in is of our own making. You are young yet and have spent time in recent years working on your anxiety; make no mistake,this is just as valuable as the work done by your mates who have houses and pensions.
These material things are no comfort when times are tough, believe me.
You are a talented writer and have given comfort and inspiration to many people on here.
Yes loneliness is hard but you can still do the things you enjoy, go out and enjoy your special time of the year. Do it with yourself. You are a strong and resilient man who has fought a battle with the worst of dark forces. Go out and kick up the leaves in the park and enjoy the Autumn.
Once you realise that you are your own best mate and that you are a strong and able to be self reliant, people will come into your life who love you for who you have become.
Any woman worth her salt would be overjoyed to spend her life with you. You have so much to look forward to, love, fatherhood and the rest of your life.
xx
allergyphobia
11-11-11, 10:37
I was only with her for 6 weeks and I can't believe how much it still hurts that she's not here. I worry it makes me some kind of stalker.
I thought that "life after anxiety" would be like paradise. Instead, it's lonely and confusing... but that makes a weird kind of sense. It's not like anything has been permanently destroyed. It's like someone handed me the key to a deserted kingdom and told me to build it all back up.
Hi Poet, sorry for invading your thread but I just wanted to comment on a couple of things you said cause they struck a chord with me.
You’re definitely not a stalker! I think what you’re focusing on is this ex because at the moment you feel unfulfilled and she’s the last memory you have of being close to somebody, sharing things etc. you’re lacking that at the moment and it’s natural to regress into your memories and cling on to them and also build them up to be something bigger than they ever were – 6 weeks can become 6 months in your head, especially if you spoke a lot! Do you see what I mean?
I also love what you say about the key and the deserted kingdom…it’s just so true. Nobody said the road after anxiety would be an easy one, and you expect some sort of reward waiting for you at the end when really what stands before you is a land of opportunity that isn’t served up on a plate, but you have to work for yourself. It does make sense in a weird way like you say, and I just loved the way you wrote it.. I think I saw something mentioned earlier that you write, and I think you should really try and get back into it cause you have a way with words!
Anyway that’s my two cents.
Take care
Amber
Thanks everyone for those brilliantly written and very moving replies. It's been nearly 2 weeks since I last posted in this thread and as anyone who is recovering from anxiety will tell you, more happens in 2 weeks than happened in two pre-anxiety years.
I now have a new car which is saving me possibly £1,000 to £1,500 a year. It's a lovely Peugeot 307 HDi, not the most thrilling of cars but very high spec and in superb condition. I do miss the touring car performance of my old MG though, I felt like a hero from the BTCC.
http://rentacarayhan.com/images/PEUGEOT_307Style.jpg
With regard to the loneliness - at this moment in time I haven't got time to feel lonely! I'm working on 2 different projects for that computer game I mentioned and I've put a surprising amount of effort in (for me), which has taught me a lot not only about the game and my own creative streak, but about how to motivate myself for things.
I've been working on a comedy Christmas special for another website (my fourth in a row). Work has been superb, I've been hammering the sales and am earning so much bonus that I am taking a proper chunk out of my debt, plus I've re-organised my finances and am working through a comprehensive "To Do" list. I just had one of the best 1-to1s I've ever had.
Finally, things went well with the girl I met last week and Saturday will be our third day together.
You could say all this has "added value" to my life. My days off are no longer boring or anticlimactic, they're all accounted for!
So, put a bit of the old elbow grease in, and things can pay off quite quickly... and you get the added benefit of collapsing into bed exhausted at night, which is a lovely feeling when you've got the next day off!
Hi all, I can tell the citalopram is working its way out of my body because I'm starting to feel like crying over things! I actually need some advice over this:
Over Plenty of Fish, I've met a girl who I have now seen three times, and just had a lovely weekend with. However it's early days and there is no question of a relationship or anything, we're taking it easy and enjoying each others' company.
However, before I met this girl I was also talking to another girl on POF. I haven't met this second girl yet. In fact, since meeting the first girl, I've kind of been trying to put the second girl off a bit.
The first girl is lovely and friendly. She's fantastic company and loves hugs. The second girl is more sarcastic and likes to use her brain, and she's slightly more detached, preferring to protect herself. I like both of these girls a lot, in totally separate ways.
The second girl keeps asking when we're going to meet. I'd arranged for us to meet tomorrow. However, I keep thinking that I'm behaving like a total rat, and I cannot stand the thought that I might lose the friendship of one or both of these girls. If I meet this girl tomorrow, am I cheating on the other one? What happens if we really like one another when we meet?
I am very black-and-white, and I cannot reconcile my actions with my beliefs about how I should treat other people. This is causing me a lot of heartache. I've reduced my cit dose so low that my body is now starting to purge it altogether and I am feeling very emotional; I could cry about all this.
Has anyone been here before? Am I acting like a rat? Am I betraying two people who I care about very much? I can't stop myself from caring about people even when I hardly know them.
What would other members recommend I do? I know this isn't an anxiety question, but it's hurting me a lot more than any anxiety has hurt me for a while.
Hi PsychoPoet - you said that you haven't met the second girl yet. So why not try to defer any strong feelings for either until you do meet up her... in the flesh as it were, she may not be quite your cup of tea and so the issue will be resolved.
I don't think it's in any way underhand to see the second girl without telling the first girl (wow this is getting a bit Woody Allen :D). After all you hardly know each other yet and neither of you have any claim on the other. I'm sure when you meet up with girl No.2 all will become clear.
Please don't torture yourself over this... you sound like a real gentleman to me.
Let us know how it goes.
Belle x
Hi Belleblue! Thanks for the advice, it was desperately needed.
I met the second girl today and had an amazing time. This is where things get complicated. She lives quite far away (as does the other girl) but if things were different, the girl I met today would be the perfect girlfriend for me. So things are not any clearer, but at least now the uncertainty is over: I know I definitely like both girls. Since there's been no declaration of relationships at this point I suppose there's nothing to worry about, and my experiences on Plenty of Fish have taught me to wait and see how things unfold.
In other news the citalopram is definitely being purged from my system as I get quite teary and emotional, and my sleep has been interrupted by odd, intense dreams. This is provoking the anxiety once more; I guess I am still afraid of losing control, so maybe a few more counselling sessions will be useful. As ever, we'll see.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.