Lost my thoughts and personality?

[bukendaa]

Hey gusy its austin here...for the last 2 months have been the worst in my entire life i have been smoking pot a little bit the last few months and on august 23rd had some sort of sezure/panic atack/haulcinating efect...i have been to a mental health ward for teens due to having psychotic episodes my mind was a absolute mess..anyway im on the road to recovery but im having trouble thinking its like loosing my thinking abilitys..like i cant get into things that little consious voice that every human has has grown quiet..i can wright words and still have my genral knowledge but its like i cant acses it in my brain..and when i speak its like the words coming from nowere and my memory is really off to things i do hours ago fell really fogy to me hard to recall...ive been under heavy amounts of stress and anxity due to my psychotic/anxious episode brought on by ilegal drug use...could it be a cognitive problem..or a psychological illness maybie skitsophrenia type thing i just dont know?before this episode i was sharp as a tack... 15 year old doing studys for schooling life was awsome and its like ive been changed in the brain sort of thing.Im nothing without my mind working the way it has for 15 years of my life..even to the pint i fell suicidal even though i know its not aloud to be spoken about on this bored...

im on olanzipine for anxity and depresion

---------- Post added at 07:53 ---------- Previous post was at 07:08 ----------

kjnkj

---------- Post added at 08:28 ---------- Previous post was at 07:53 ----------

jjk

[debs71]

Hi Austin,

Ok....I'm gonna get the lecture out of the way first (sorry)...you probably already know that you really shouldn't be smoking spliffs as this isn't going to help your probelms one bit. Although you might kind of feel that smoking it relaxes your brain or helps in the moment, it really, really doesn't in the long run as it can make depression worse and also causes paranoia, confusion, anxiety and the list goes on. It is far better if you can stop the pot and just focus on dealing with the issues you have without that interfering.

Please try to put the worry about schizophrenia aside, as it does not sound like you are schizophrenic to me. Your post is very eloquent, explaining how you feel, etc. and the fact is that most people who have serious mental illnesses such as that normally don't know they are unwell, and you sound very clued up on what is going on. If anxiety is bad enough, it can lead to psychosis, depression too as your mind gets so overloaded stress wise. I had some psychosis when I was severely depressed. I didn't tell anyone though as I was so scared they would think I had lost the plot, but I was well aware that what I was seeing and thinking was not normal!

So much of what you say I can relate to. When I had my breakdown I simply could not think straight. My mind was a fogged mess, full of thoughts that seemed to be all screaming for attention, but I couldn't focus on one individual thing at a time. Like my mind had just had enough. I would also forget things all of the time, as my concentration was zero. I also relate to your personality worries. I would look in the mirror and it was like a stranger looking back at me. I couldn't connect my mind with my body, and had no idea who I was anymore, the 'me' that I was before I was ill. It is a scary, bizarre feeling.

These signs are classic of an overwrought mind and severe stress/anxiety. At the time we can't quite believe that we can feel that awful mentally from anxiety, but we absolutely can when it is bad enough.

I would take a big bet that you are just super anxious and super stressed, and this is affecting your thinking processes, and this IS TOTALLY normal. You are not mad, losing it, going to go crazy. You just need time and help to address the stress and anxiety, and the good thing is that you are already on meds. Have you had any counselling/therapy, etc.? This can also be VERY beneficial. I personally had counselling and it helped greatly, just talking and overloading to someone about what I was thinking and feeling.

You CAN get better from this. It takes time, it takes help, but it does not have to loom over you forever either.

Take care hun.xxx:hugs: