How do you reply when someone says you're quiet?

[Jimgym]

Hi Everyone,

I'd say I have GAD, but that I also have a bit of social anxiety as well when meeting new people (but then again, that's normal right?).

This week I've started a new job. I've tried my best to talk to everyone that I've worked with and I think I've been doing ok with the people that I've had contact with. I've always asked plenty of questions (the usual where do you live, have any kids, worked here very long etc etc) and most of the time had answers and questions returned and a bit of interest in myself - although at this stage I feel as if I'm making most of the effort with my new work collegues.

When I'm working around the workplace I've noticed that I must be the only one that greets people if I bump into them or walk into a room that's occupied. When I go on my breaks the break area is pretty quiet with most people reading or eating - even when i say hi/everyone alright? etc I don;t really get a response back.

Today (my second day) I was working by myself in one of the rooms and I heard one of my collegues asking some people where I was. The collegue then remarked "Oh he's very quiet isn't he?". I felt myself get so angry, that when she came in the door to see me it must have been obvious that I'd heard her.

What is wrong with some people?! Do they realise that it's not a constructive comment? How can I deal with this?

I'd say I'm a reserved person but I'm trying my best with a group of people that aren't giving me much of a chance.

Meh :mad:

[debbsi]

I'm sure you would prefer to be referred to as quiet than loud and brashy!
I'm quiet too - so I understand, they should give you a chance - you are new after all. What I hate is when a total stranger (usually a man) says to me 'dont worry love - it might never happen' I really hate that, its because I dont walk around with a smile on my face all the time lol

[ZHBully]

Arrggghh something I struggle with too! I just hope it pays off when they realise you're simply a nice person who doesn't fill the space with drivel!
Shall keep an eye on this thread for ideas!

[evil monkey]

second day, what do they expect :| second day of a new job you are mostly entered into the "oo f***" phase. Maybe it's easier for them to mutter about it than actually approach you and say "hows the new job going". Maybe she wanted someone to say "actually he's alright". :)

[Ingenious]

Yes that gets on my tits too, it's hard enough trying to be bright and cheerful (especially with work colleagues who you might not even like) but then to be told you're quiet, just makes the problem worse.

All I can say is it's the old "don't catch the ball" thing where you need to try and remind yourself it was just someone else's comment and you do not have to get worried by it. You said in your post you have made a big effort to chat to people so the evidence would suggest you are right and this person is wrong. So treat that remark with the amount of time and energy it deserves - none at all.

As debbsi says there are worse things you could have been called. Quiet is actually not too bad as gossipy behind-your-back comments from work colleagues go :)

[bazbaz71]

I know its hard but try not to take it onboard too much. Its probably a throwaway, rubbish comment which deserves about 0.0001 second of attention. If you can, put it to the back of your mind and carry on doing exactly what you have been as it sounds like you've been doing really well! Remember its only one person's comment and for all you know the others might be sitting there thinking 'really, I wasn't thinking that??' or even 'so what - seems like a nice guy even if he is?'

[Jimgym]

Cheers guys for the kind posts. I tried my best again today and people seem to be easing up a bit - should be all ok in a few weeks I reckon!

Thanks again!

[busybee09]

I can totally relate ! It's my 2nd day today at a job and i've tried really hard with people trying to make conversation etc and to laugh along with people.

Just give it a few more days etc, i think people can be horrible when a new person starts because it's hard for that person to mingle into a group thats already formed.

Keep going strong im sure youll be okay.

[MARK1971]

a tricky one!!!!!! I'm quite jolly, chatty person so when I'm a bad day which means i revet into myself and coping mechanism i developed. it is very noticeable luckily i have worked on this particular ward a long time so people just ignore me until i snap out of it and i am quite open to certain colleagues that i have panic attacks and found some of them did to.

i envy you in way starting a new job i turned job on the ward of dreams because i was terrified of being the new boy all over again and the stuff that goes with it. my advice just take a few days to listen to conversations and watch people and there may be some1 who will extend the hand of friendship....

[Jimgym]

Hi Guys.

This is strange! Haven't been on NMP for ages and thought I'd seem what was going on recently. Surprised to see that someone has commented on one of my older posts.

Well...I've been in this job for almost a year now and the people there are lovely. The person who said that I was quiet has recently retired and comes in every week to have a chat with people (including myself). Soon after I started work I went to a GP and explained my anxiety and I was put on a course of Citalopram. I feel so much happier now and am getting things back on track. I'm one of the team at work now and am so
proud of my achievements! My advice would be to:

- Push yourself! Ignore the little thoughts in your head that are trying to put you down and just go for it.
- If you are scared to talk to a lot of people at coffee time don't do it straight away. I found it was best to talk to people individually and then when coffee time came up try and bring up conversation about a particular topic which you share an interest. This often brings other people into the converstation and 'proves' to other people that you aren't quiet.
- If you're invited to a social gathering eg pub etc GO! Force yourself. Work relationships are forged outside of the workplace in my opinion.

Good luck in your new job :)