swgrl09
11-10-11, 19:25
Please let me know if anybody feels similarly ... I feel so stupid for feeling this way. I have realized that I don't let myself feel relaxed because I am frightened to. I know why, as well. I went through a bad spout of anxiety (mostly health related) a year ago. I used to think "My life is too good, something has to go wrong" and I was terrified of what might go wrong. I went to counseling and got better! I was doing pretty well and even clearly remember thinking "Maybe life just can be good and I can just enjoy it."
Then like a smack in the face my mom got diagnosed with cancer and died a month and a half later. Since then my health anxiety has come back like crazy and has been awful. This was in January of 2011 (when she passed away). I am trying so hard to get through it and I am scared to let my guard down. I am scared to relax again because I am terrified that my boyfriend or my dad or my sisters will get sick and/or die. I won't let myself let my guard down now. I am more scared for their health than my own. I have nightmares about them dying as well.
I did counseling over the summer but have not had time to go back since school (night classes after work) started. I am going this Saturday to see my counselor - she was nice enough to find weekend time for me. I just feel so stupid. Being relaxed makes me anxious - how does that work!
Then like a smack in the face my mom got diagnosed with cancer and died a month and a half later. Since then my health anxiety has come back like crazy and has been awful. This was in January of 2011 (when she passed away). I am trying so hard to get through it and I am scared to let my guard down. I am scared to relax again because I am terrified that my boyfriend or my dad or my sisters will get sick and/or die. I won't let myself let my guard down now. I am more scared for their health than my own. I have nightmares about them dying as well.
I did counseling over the summer but have not had time to go back since school (night classes after work) started. I am going this Saturday to see my counselor - she was nice enough to find weekend time for me. I just feel so stupid. Being relaxed makes me anxious - how does that work!