Uni- not happening [Archive]

14-10-11, 15:26

hey

i have just started university about 2 weeks ago and have previously suffered from anxiety and panic attacks.

over the past week i've been having really bad panic attacks where I'll be on the train to uni (about 1 hour 20 mins away) and have to force my self up to a point, then i have to get off and feel really sick. on Monday i felt ok, managed to force my self to go in however had the worst panic attack at waterloo station felt like i was going to puke but i made it in uni, missed my first lecture but attended my film screening afterwards even though i was feeling sick/panicy/anxious.

i decided to try again on Wednesday (my second attempt of going in), on the train i only made it to Leicester square and was on the verge of being sick.. i had to hold my self together because i knew i was in london and breaking down would not be good. i ended up taking the bus home and because i was on my way home i felt a bit better. so i spoke to my parents and they thought it would be an idea to take the bus there so today, i attempted it again, and again only made it half way and had to get off.. i mean i did try. i got off and on the bus about 3 times but ended up having to get off... i just dont know what to do. i feel like I'm fine up to the point where i know walking home wont be an option and that i am far from home in case something happens to me.

a week before i was having problems sitting in lectures and just as i thought that had died down now this. i don't want to quit uni i am really passionate about my subject but feel this is the only option as i am missing out already. tutors are supportive but at the end of the day i know its up to me... i just feel like there's nothing to do at the moment and feel really helpless..

im going to try again tomorow.. and booking an appointment with my doctor to see if he suggests anything

any advice would be great.. thanks for reading if you got this far

debbsi

14-10-11, 15:37

Hi
I'm at uni too and have had anxiety and panic attacks - although I think I am a great deal older than you!! I'm 39!!

Anyway - sounds like your doing the right thing going to the docs - the thing that helped me with the panic attacks are the realisation that they are just that - a panic attack - it cant harm you, just makes you feel awful. When I realised that they started to lessen in intensity, if i felt one coming on i would try to distract myself and think right do you worst you cant hurt me you are just a panic attack, they stopped not long after that. I do sometimes get some of the symptoms mainly the choking and feeling sick, but they do go after a while. They dont stop me doing anything and never have, i refuse to let a stupid panic attack stop me from doing what i want to do.

I love uni and my daughter is also at uni (a different one) and she loves it too and glad to get in before they put the fees up!! I dont want to waste anymore of my life on these attacks and find that the uni work distracts me quite well as its something i am also passionate about.

Best of luck with uni, keep going, dont give up, tell those panic attacks to sod off!! (I know its not that easy)

Take care xx

Gembutt

14-10-11, 17:01

panicpanda

14-10-11, 17:11

I really feel for you. I quit uni a few years ago, after just 6 weeks of being there due to anxiety and panic attacks. It was different though as I wasn't THAT passionate about the subject, had troubles at home and wanting to move out was more the reason why I went. I had panic attacks on the bus journey to campus and in lectures - had to leave many lectures just 10 minutes in.

I think you're doing the right thing going to your doctors. Only you can decide what is best for you, I don't think you should give up this early though. It's great that your tutors are supportive. I doubt your missing out on a lot of work to be honest. I managed to get all my essays in before deciding to quit by talking to people from class and talking to the tutors regularly by e-mail and short 1 to 1 sessions.

Good luck in whatever you decide and beating these panic attacks x

14-10-11, 17:26

Hey sm,
Reading through your comment reminds me of myself so much... I started university 3 weeks ago and I was really nervous about it. The day before I started I was up all night throwing up with nerves but just remember the times you do get there and you make it through the day and be really proud of yourself.. Have you thought of taking a book on your journey? Or a hand held console? Anything to take your mind from things?

Starting university is a really scary thing, I was terrified and I still am but like you said you love what you study and don't let them beat you! Get the job you dream of and enjoy every minute of it. Everyone feels nervous with the responsibility of uni but if your tutors are understanding then try asking one of them for help?

What do you study by the way? Saw you mentioned a film screening.
It's just that I am on a Film Studies with Film Production course and was wondering if yours was similar? xx

hey

i am studying film studies so I'm assuming its similar! im just really worried im missing out on things even though its just been a few sessions i've missed. thanks for your advice i just have to keep trying, i'm going to try going in again tomorrow (even though i don't have uni that day) just to see if i can get the stress of the journey over and done with with out having an actual lecture or anything.

i have been in contact with the uni and they seem really understanding but i feel like i need to get my self there for them to help me and that seems like the current problem. first it was lectures and now this.

but i will keep trying, this is my dream and I'm gonna try to keep going for as long as i can!!

Gembutt

14-10-11, 17:33

Yeah just remember you can go home if you want to, even if it's a while back you can always get back home and they're not going to judge you. The good thing with my university is that they put all of the work onto a thing called blackboard in case you miss a lecture. You can always catch up on the work and get it done at your own pace especially if your tutors are really helpful!

What university are you going to?

Well good luck with tomorrow! I'm sure you will get used to it, it's just a big change and a long journey which is never pleasant.

Yeah my course is 3/4 film studies and one quarter production so they're probably similar xx

14-10-11, 18:49

Hey

I am at Kso it's a bit of a journey as i commute.. What about you? And yeah we have black board too thts how I've been trying to keep up that and emailing tutors who seem to be supportive.

It's just in the mornings I seem to become a complete
Different person, like now I'm positive I want to go in keen and trying to be positive yet in the mornings I'm just like I can't do it anymore feel too weak, ah just so stressful!!

Gembutt

14-10-11, 20:35

I am at Edge Hill University and it's in the middle of nowhere. I really wanted to go to a university in London but I wasn't brave enough... I couldn't move away just yet.

Yeah the mornings are difficult, it's usually the night before for me. Have you ever tried talking Kalms? Apparently they're okay, I have some but never actually tried them out and they're not prescribed tablets so they're not that bad..

Good luck and let me know how it goes!
I have been meaning to quit my job for 2 weeks now and I still haven't. My manager is really scary and I just keep worrying all of the time about it... I have a shift on Sunday as well and I can't seem to tell her... xx

14-10-11, 20:52

i completely understand what you mean about moving away, my friend goes to kingston too but she lives there and i just knew i wouldn't be able to do it. i mean if im having problems now god knows how i would have been if i was living there!

my nights were bad too (i used to get the shakes really bad) but then they became ok, and because i was dreading mornings, they just seem to come quicker now. will definitely look into kalms, i tried rescue remedy but that didnt seem to work. i dont know if you've heard of quiet life? i think thats another one i might look into.. anything to help really. will avoid all medicine though, i only want the natural stuff!

if you've been going even though you want to quit thats really brave and good that your able to stick to it. i mean i wouldn't have been able to go. go give your notice in otherwise then you can concentrate on uni more? or find another job even though i know its hard there seems to be nothing out there.

xx

Gembutt

14-10-11, 21:22

I wish I was brave enough because I would have had so many opportunities in London so as soon as I have finished my course I am going to try and move down there... My brother lives in Surrey so always have someone to turn to.

No haven't heard of quiet life but might have a look myself. I emailed my university the other day and they suggested this online cognitive therapy thing called Fear Fighter but you need access to it from your GP, I might give that a try.

I don't know how I still managed to go in but I have a shift on Sunday and there is just no way I can go back now, I hate it so much and it's really stressing me out but I'm panicking about telling her I quit so I keep putting it off and now I have a day to tell them =( but I'm going to have to xx

14-10-11, 21:37

well I'm only in London because i live there so i am quite lucky i suppose. but your doing the same course so its all equal really. but moving down to London would be cool and a big change, and it is full of opportunities so after your degree it would be a good idea consider. for what we are doing london in general is an amazing place, that and hollywood:) how are you finding it the course anyway?

i've just been on this website looking at natural remedies that could help that and kalm are the ones i will buy and see if they work. will let you know how that goes.

i think you've done well in going in so just one more might not be that bad? but i understand if you can't, as i'm in the same situation trying to go in even though you feel you cant. or just tell them your situation, what job is it? if you really want to quit just do it you'll probably get alot of stress of your shoulders anyway. :) xx

Gembutt

14-10-11, 21:52

Yeah, it's a great place for film! Well my plan was to move to america and try to get an internship but I think that's trying to run before I can walk... so I am going to London first to get some experience :)
I am enjoying the course but it's hard work. Only been there 3 weeks and I already have loads of work! But it's something I enjoy writing about so it's not all bad, and we've been studying good films. Watched The Shining last week :)

Okay thanks. I have some Kalms somewhere so if ever I am getting worked up I will try them out and see what happens.

I've been off for 2 weeks now though, the first weekend I had booked off and then last weekend I wasn't well so now it's really difficult getting back there and facing work again. I can't even imagine going back so i know I won't make it there on Sunday I just have to brave it and phone her up. She has been putting a lot of stress onto me as well, phoning me almost everyday about this apprenticeship thing she pressured me into doing :( I work at McDonalds so it's nothing special worth fighting for anyway. I'll feel so much better once I have told them xx

14-10-11, 22:13

wow same!! for our second year we have the option to go to either america- la, australia and some other place and before i started actually going in (like during the summer) my heart was set to go to either of those countries for my second year but now for obvious reasons i have to take it step by step.!

we also watched the shinning last week how crazy! and we watched m fritz this week. yeh we already have some work luckily not alot, which is good in my case as i'm not always there. tutors don't seem to be worried yet so i'm okay at the moment. going to definitely try to go in next week though. also having a trail run tomorow so will see how that goes.

oh right okay well phoning wont be as bad as you think your probably imagining the worst. and to be honest she cant do anything to you through the phone, so your safe lol. once you call you'll feel 100% better, its probably best to do it it tomorrow though! xx

Gembutt

14-10-11, 22:23

Wow that sounds amazing but we don't have any placements I don't think. I would probably back out of it anyway.. I filled out an application to camp america this year and then chickened out last minute and didn't arrange the interview... :( definitely going at some point though.

We watched Dark City and PleasantVille this week, learning about lighting and colour in mise en scene! :D they looked like good films.
Yeah just praise yourself for the day you make it not the ones you don't :D because you know you can do it and everything's fine once you've been and gone.

Yeah, I can always put the phone down if she gets nasty but I sit there and go through what I am going to say about ten times. I am such a weirdo sometimes but I always think worst case scenario haha!
I'm definitely going to do it tomorrow..... I'll just have to phone up and think on the spot! xx

14-10-11, 22:29

thats wicked my friend wanted to apply to that but it was full or something like that. but definitly want to go abbroad when all this is over with, cos i don't want to miss out on anything and obviously will be great life experience.

thats what i'll do, i think i just need to stay positive and with a bit of help I'll hopefully get over these silly anxiety attacks.

she cant really do much to you to be honest, and yeah just put the phone down. its not like its a job you want to persue with for the rest of your life. write stuff down on paper before you call, that's what i do when i don't know what to say or how to say it :) xx

Gembutt

14-10-11, 22:41

Yeah for some reason holidays make me really nervous, I like knowing I can get home but I went to Spain for a week this year and Egypt last year. The first day I got there I was so bad... I was throwing up, shaking, couldn't breathe, eat or sleep but then I thought.. I have spent so much time saving up for this and I want to enjoy it, then I didn't think about it for the rest of the week and I was so proud of myself..
But 8 weeks in America seems like such a big challenge and I would like a friend to come with me just for the security of having someone I know...

Oooh yeh that's a good idea actually! I just get do worked up about things but that's life... and sometimes things aren't easy or enjoyable so I'm just going to get it over and done with and avoid the place for a while haha!

Yeah, my mum had them when she was my age and she said as you get older you realise that life's too short to worry about things and whatever happens happens xx

14-10-11, 23:01

my sister used to get really anxious when we went on holiday to cyprus, we stayed in a village (in the middle of no where) and she used to get really freaked out, cos the furthest doctors/hospital was ages a way and they aren't really good out there anyway. but i seemed to be fine, its only lately i get really freaked out when i'm far from home, like when i know i cant walk home or it will take me a while to get home i get nervous and then all the sickness starts.

but its really good you decided to forget about it and didnt think about it for 8 days shows that you can over come it and your strong enough.

i definitely think i would be okay if i was going into uni with a friend but hey, as you said that's life and my mum always says you got to do things on your own to get more independent and not have to rely on people thats why i try not to.

yeh my mum had anxiety too, she still sometimes does i think but she learns to live with it, what i'll have to do. it might be genetic, because 3 of of us have it in my family!! xx

Gembutt

14-10-11, 23:17

Yeah I like knowing I can always come home... it really worries me when I can't =( but I just talk myself round because I could always pay for a flight back of push come to shove... haha! Although I probably wouldn't. I always take my diazepam on holiday but never take them even when I am really bad..

Yeah, you'll be fine once you settle in and have friends that understand you. I don't actually have friends that understand, don't get me wrong I love them to bits but they don't know what its like...

I read up on it and they can run in the family which is probably why we have them! It can also be a life trauma...

xxx

15-10-11, 00:01

Yeh I think it runs in my family because wel all seem to suffer even if it's different extents.

My doctor gave me subscription to that diazepam too but I don't think I'll take them... I think I would feel more comfortable with natural stuff. Have you used yours before and have they worked? Apparently their addictive If you rely on them too much for that reason it's a bit worrying so I won't take them. Plus my mum was like no and thought the doctor shouldn't have given them, oops.

I recently found this link was just listening to it seems really good, give it a listen if you like:

http://www.junior-anxiety-depression-exchange.org.uk/media/relaxation2/How-To-Recover1.mp3

Seems good and positive, and loads of it I relate to its weird like she knows how I think lol :)

Gembutt

15-10-11, 00:56

Yeah I did take them when I first started on them, when I was 15 they prescribed me diazepam and citalopram. I wouldn't take the citalopram but I took the diazepam when I was really bad and they worked wonders but the doctor told me they were addictive so I only took 2... and never touched them again :)

Oh thanks, I'll take the a look at that link, thanks! xx

17-10-11, 21:42

Hello everyone

Thanks for your replies much appreciated. A little update.. Went in today kept strong not to turn back, wasn't bad didn't have a panic because I managed to distract my self and tell my self if I wanted to turn back I could. So that kept me going.. Went in lecture and was ok! So happy I survived one day. Taking it day by day right now so fingers crossed I'll be ok!!