daughter problems

[evekins]

This is going to sound silly but it is triggering my anxiety again.

I was really bad with anxiety last year and was prescribed sertraline which I took for around 9 months. I decided I was 'better' and weaned myself off them.

However, my 17 year old daughter, who has had this bf for two years, has had a few problems lately and I am starting to over react and get anxious again.
Her bf finished with her about 2 weeks ago. He then turned up in the middle of the night to see her saying he couldn't cope without her. He then dumped her again a week later and again wanted her back after seeing her at a party. They're back together but I can't stand the thought of him doing it again and seeing her heartbroken again and it is bringing the anxiety back again. It is so hard not to keep asking 'are you ok', what's going on? etc
If I think or see them have a little disagreement I think oh no! and get really anxious.
HELP!

[Littlehelper123]

tell your daughter how you feel and get her to let you know when shes NO ok. Let her come to you. she's 17 not 7 , give her some space. She's nearly an adult xxx

I'm 17 and would hate my mum to worry over my problems xxx

[Anxious_gal]

Hey
First off she more thank likely feels embarrassed about how he treats her.
Then she loves him so she will protect the good image of him she has made up in her head and ignore all the bad stuff he does.
He does seem to be using her and he knows now he can walk all her over her and she will take him back.

There is nothing you can do but be there for her when it ends and watch out for her getting depressed or self harming.
She make take all her frustrations out on you.
Don't tell her her boyfriend is using her , it will make her feel bad and she will get angry and defend him.

The boyfriend might have taken away her self esteem, I don't know but maybe therapy could help , teenagers get depressed so easily :(

Tell her you will always be there for her no matter what.

If she has a dad or brother or uncle maybe she might listen to them, but they need to be careful not make her feel bad or like a whore thats being used etc...
Stay on the positive side telling her what a great person she is and no body should treat her the way her boyfriend does.

If I had kids I would be tempted to kick thats guys ass, but in reality that would only drive the two of them closer like in a romeo and juilet kinda way.
So you need to be careful of that too.

Men can be very manipulative, hell even as you get older it's so hard to know when a guy isn't good for you :(

Chances of them staying together are slim, either he will leave her again or she will just one have enough of his crap and dump him.

[Joellie]

Im in a similar situation however mine is with my friend not a relative.

Long story short, she keeps going back to a manipulative emotionally abusive man who is just messing with her head. Its easy for me really because i just need to distance myself but for you you cant.

I suggest you just have a chat with her and tell her your worried, that your there if she needs advice etc. Let her know how the guy treating her this way makes you feel. My big mistake has been sugarcoating my feelings on the situation which in a way makes me feel bottled up.

Hopefully she will just see what hes doing to her xx

[ditzygirl]

Oh hun you poor thing, no one really prepares you for being a parent or in my case step parent do they? a thankless task at times and you are experiencing qutie normal feelings at this stage of yours and her relatioship.

No one wants to see their child get hurt but you can't stop them experiencing broken hearts either.

You can however tell her that no matter what you will always be there for her. You need to keep the lines of communication open which may mean sometimes you have to listen and not share how you really feel. You can also keep building her self esteem.

Dont' tell your daughter this relationship affects your anxiety, she may start to feel you are blaming her and it will affect your relationship and her well being in the long run.

Do remind her that watching her heartbroken is sad for you. I am sure she will have a few more broken hearts yet but only you can encourage her to believe in herself and not to accept second best.

For you well why don't you go back to your GP and share what is happening, how you feel and how your health is being affected. You deserve to be well and happy and the older the kids get the harder the anxiety can be I think. You certainly won't be the first person to share parenting concerns with a GP believe me.

There are also parenting websites for more advice and tips.

You need to go out and relax and have fun too.

Take care xx

[Magic]

evekins,
I have been through the same situation as many others have.
I worried too. Looking back now I think why did I mither and be made ill.
Let your daughter know you are there for her.and let her make her own mistakes
My daughters have had boyfriends galore. and many upsets. Its just life.
You must remember yourself in this, and don't let it make you ill.
The other member's that have replied are right.
Take care

[evekins]

Thank you everyone for the replies.
I knew I was over-reacting and that was what was worrying me. I didn't want to get ill again and needed help and advice for controlling my anxiety.
My son, who is older, has also been through a horrendous break up and I think the combination of the two has shoved me towards the edge.
Everyone just wants to see their children happy don't they? Life can be cruel!