Virtually recovered

[BasilCat]

Hi there, Yes I have recovered from anxiety. I have had 4 breakdowns in 30 years leading to anxiety/panic/agoraphobia and unreality!!

However I have just written at another thread about visual disturbances and that a fear of them is right at the tail end of my anxiety. I have never feared them before when I have had anxiety. I mean I dont like them, nobody does. But I have never got to the stage of worrying about them happening before I have gone anywhere before.

I have been fine as long as my car has been handy, then I can dive back to the car till the disturbance has gone - I like to be on my own with them - but its a different matter if my car isnt handy. And it wasnt on Saturday when I took a trip on a train to Bolton 3/4hr away. The trip wasnt a problem. It was the furthest I have travelled without my car since before I had my last breakdown 5 years ago!!! But I was concerned about the disturbance happening. Thankfully it didnt though.

I would just like to get past this "Fear" as I would love to have a day in London or something. But dare I go to London and could I cope if I had a disturbance when I was so far from home and my car?!! Thats the question. Otherwise, it would be no problem.

Shirl

[Chem]

Yay! Well done you!!!:D:yesyes:

When you have a disturbance and sit in your car, what happens? I suspect you just sit there until it passes.

There's no diference going on a train to London than a train to Bolton. It takes a bit longer, but if you feel anxious you can sit quietly and let it pass. No-one on the train will know what's happening if you hide in a magazine. Go into the toilet if you want to be alone.

I understand that your car means freedom to take yourself home if you need to. I'm the same. But no-where in UK is far from home. If you really hate it, you can always get off the train at an earlier stop and catch the next one back. That's not failure - that's stretching your limits as far as you can. Just the thought that you want to try is a great achievement.

Good luck !!!

[BasilCat]

Hi Chem, Thanks for your reply. Yes when I have a disturbance, I can always go and sit in the car. Thats why it was strange going without it on Saturday to Bolton. The only difference between Bolton and London, is of course the distance and the time it takes to get there and back. You are right. No-one on the train would know what was happening. But it happened on a coach to Stratford on Avon a few years ago and I wanted to go and hide-away somewhere badly till the disturbance stopped. I know what it is. When I get these disturbances, I get really fearful and scared and it takes me back to when my dad ripped the bed covers off me to get me to go to work, following my first nervous breakdown! He totally scared me and rejected me and disrespected me when I needed him most. So am scared that if someone sees me looking scared and adgited with the disturbances, the same thing will happen. Rationally thinking, I know it wont happen, the rejection etc. But emotionally speaking, I cant stop myself from being scared of it. I could go to the toilet but would need to be there for about 30 minutes till my vision cleared up again.

The car for me means somewhere to hide if the disturbances start. Its not about going home. For some reason, since I lost 99% of my anxiety, I have just been left with this fear.

Thanks again for your reply.

Shirl
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