Why cant he leave me alone

[WolfieKate]

my father that is... he brought me up after my mum left and he is a domineering bully with extreme controlling behaviour. A few months ago I finally plucked up courage, with my counsellors support to ask him to leave me alone and stop contacting me. He was very rude and described my issues as pseudo. Since then I have repeatedly asked him to stop getting in touch as it causes me to have huge panic attacks. But he persists. It's like being harrassed by text, by email, now today by post. Though he fooled me into opening the letter by typing my address so i couldn't see it was his handwriting. I live in fear of him turning up on my doorstep. I hate him and I am afraid of him. Last time he threatened to visit we went away for a few days. He left a load of his stuff on my doorstep like a dog marking it's territory.

Well I just emailed him and asked for the third time that he stop harassing me. I am so angry and anxious I am shaking. It seems so unfair to me that he ignores my wishes. I am 42 and he just ignores my needs as he has done all his life. How can I get better when every time I open my email or my mail or even now my front door I am scared. :(

Kate

[panicpanda]

You poor thing. I'm exactly the same with my dad who's a sociopath and I've not seen in him in about 4 years but he still tries to contact me. I can't talk to him because he'll just destroy me emotionally like before. Every time I hear from him, usually through family members, it sets me back and I'm worse of from anxiety than before. He knows this, but still persists.

The only practical advice I can offer is to go to your local CAB for legal advice if you're dead serious about not wanting contact with him. Try to resist contacting him back. You've made it crystal clear you don't want to hear from him and he should respect that.

x

[WolfieKate]

Thanks panicpanda :flowers:

I am beginining to think my dad is similarly afflicted! Bum, I did send an email this morning as I was so outraged but I kept it short and told him to stop harrassing me. I may consider some sort of legal letter or advice next. My husband has blocked his number from my mobile but my dad has all my other contact details. So he can email when ever he feels like it and mail me though he hid his handwriting this time. He's a controlling wierdo who left me with zero self esteem and now seems to want to reduce me to a heap of jelly.

I think I may contact CAB and see what they say if this continues. He lives in Spain half the year but the postmark on the letter today was cambridge so now I am cr*pping myself that he is going to turn up.

[panicpanda]

That must be very scary for you. If he does turn up and you feel vulnerable you can always call the police, it may sound drastic but you deserve to feel safe. Also don't let anyone say to you 'but he's your dad', I've had that rubbish from loads of unsupportive people. It doesn't matter that he's your dad - he's harrassing you and it's affecting your health.

Really hope things get better for you. x

[london]

easy fix bang a injunction on him
god bless

[akira]

Definitely get in touch with CAB as that is what they are there for. They should at the very least be able to point you in the right direction. As london says, an injunction is probably the best course of action.

Most email services have a block function. Failing that, google and microsoft provide free email service so it might be worth creating a new email address.

[WolfieKate]

Thanks everyone. Isn't it funny. I thought I was feeling a bit better and then bam, something can set you right back again. I hate the fact I use all this mental energy on someone who doesn't deserve it and yet I have little kids who need me so much, so I must keep the focus on the real people who matter. Deep breaths!

I don't care that he is my father. The fact he refuses to respect me and my family's wishes is enough proof to me that he has his own agenda and it's not to care about me or mine. I have told him he causes me incredible anxiety and fear and he doesn't give a flying duck about it.

I am going to get my email address changed I think but sadly I can not change my postal address and that is where he is now focusing his efforts.. :shrug:

[london]

Thanks everyone. Isn't it funny. I thought I was feeling a bit better and then bam, something can set you right back again. I hate the fact I use all this mental energy on someone who doesn't deserve it and yet I have little kids who need me so much, so I must keep the focus on the real people who matter. Deep breaths!

I don't care that he is my father. The fact he refuses to respect me and my family's wishes is enough proof to me that he has his own agenda and it's not to care about me or mine. I have told him he causes me incredible anxiety and fear and he doesn't give a flying duck about it.

I am going to get my email address changed I think but sadly I can not change my postal address and that is where he is now focusing his efforts.. :shrug:


keep all the letters he sends you if you send ant back asking him to stop
copy them and all the letters you send yo him ask the post office for proff of postage its free dont give up
god bless