My family make me feel crazy :(

[Anxious_gal]

They always pick on me, insult me, put me down, gossip about me,
they ask me personal questions like what I spend my money on, what time I got up at.... Because I don't work they act like I am some kind of lazy selfish evil person living off THEIR taxes.......

I did not not realize how bad it was until my friends pointed it out to me, even the subtle hidden insults they noticed, my friend was really shocked when my family members started picking on me and they tried to get her to join in!

I'm pretty much the family scrape goat, doesn't matter what I do I'll always be what ever they deiced i am so they can feel justified in picking on me.

I am actually afraid of my own family.... they can get very aggressive verbally and have come close to hitting me, they corner me so I can't leave and I have a panic attack.

One day I grabbed a knife because they wouldn't let me leave the kitchen....
I saw fear in their eyes, I felt powerful, ashamed, scared and relief when they got out of my way so I could leave.

I always try to leave and avoid confrontation, but what can I do when they corner me? It scares me, the panic scares me,hell I even have nightmares about them shouting at me...
I even climbed out windows to get away from them! I have had them follow me scream at me in the middle of the street.

I want to get better to get away from most of my family members, I do blame them for a lot of my issues, but I put all responsibility on myself to get better.

Being agoraphobic sucks when your family aren't so great :*(

I am going to go back to therapy, start a course, maybe volunteer and learn how to drive next .
So I do have a plan :)

I dunno I just felt like telling someone where I am at right now, I know it's silly but I need a reality check some times,so I know I do not deserve to be treated bad, because my family twist everything so it's always my fault and that makes me feel kinda crazy..

My friend is away at the moment and boy could I use a friendly face, I love how when I meet my friends they are happy to see me, you have no idea how much that means me,
when I see my family they have this look of hate or disgust when they see me....

[PUGLETMUM]

:ohmy::hugs:i wrote u a big reply, then my stupid computer lost it when i tried to submit it - so this time i'll write a shorter version in case it gets lost so i wont feel so frUstrated -:mad:your family members are SILLY BUGGARSS!!!!!!:lac:

[eternally optimistic]

Hi Mishel

Sorry you are having a rough time at the moment and not getting the support you deserve.

You did the right thing by posting on here today, it does help doesnt it, letting it all out as you tap the keyboard - I had a day like that today too.

I AM GLAD YOU HAVE A PLAN - YOU STICK TO IT AND ACHIEVE - I AM SURE YOU WILL GET THE LIST ALL TICKED OFF.

I do think you sound quite confident in getting these things done and I wish you LOADS of luck with it.

Best wishes Mishel

[Anxious_gal]

Aw it's ok Emma has happened me too, sometimes pressing the CTRL button with Z can help bring back your work.
Thank you for your reply :)

Thank your JayAnn :)

Got to have a plan lol ;)

[M155anthr0p3]

Thinking of you Mishel...my Mom is so selfish it's unreal & not understanding at all of my issues.
If people are making you unhappy, minimise your time with them.
Your post although upsetting is very positive though, which is great. Go Mishel!!!!
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[debs71]

Mishel.....firstly a HUGE hug for you:bighug1:

I am so sorry that you are going through all of that, and with the people who you are supposed to be able to rely on and support you at a time you most need it.

I have similar experiences with my family. My family gossip about me too, usually in phone conversations, which hurts me greatly as to my face they will be sympathetic, but in the converstaions I have overheard, they are exasperated and lack understanding. They also feel they have some right to dictate to me about what I should be doing as I still live at home. Whilst I understand their right to an opinion, I am an adult and yet they don't get that.

It makes me feel worthless and like the black sheep of the family, so I TOTALLY understand how you feel hun.

My situation is not as frightening and intense as yours though. It sounds horrendous. It must be awful for you as agorophobia is paralysing enough, and then when you are put in a situation where all you want to do is escape, you can't. Terrible for you.

I agree with everyone that the greatest thing is that you sound unbeaten by this, and have a direction forwards. The best thing you could do is to show them that you won't be defeated by them, by getting better and moving onwards and upwards.

Sometimes it is a sad, sad fact that the people closest to us, are NOT the people closest to us (if that makes sense) in the ways that truly mean anything.

I wish you love and luck hun, and you know that we are always here for you.xxx:hugs::hugs::hugs::yesyes::hugs::hugs::hugs :

[Anxious_gal]

Aw thanks for the reply x
It makes me angry . So much so that I fear what I may do.
Makes you feel backed into a corner n helpless.
Ya all my family think they can boss me around too, they get angry n almost childlike if I don't do what they say.
I don't understand why they think they can boss me around. It never ends well :)
I think it's about respect in a way, my family have zero respect for me.
Although one memember in particular must have some kind of insecurity because she's convinced I use big words to make her feel stupid!
I use every day words. I'm actually surprised by her lack of English lol but I can't change how I talk!
I do think maybe people are kind if jelous of us, thinking we havevan easy life.

I understand the worthless feeling . I'll never be good enough for them .
I think people are enough the way they are, they all deserveove ect . .
With my family love seems to be conditional .
Aw thank you for reply x