Anxiety and new relationships

[shotokansho]

Hi everyone.

I think I have just ruined a potential new relationship before it has even started. I met a girl on a dating site, she seems really nice and keen on me, that was until I told her about my mental health issues. She says she still wants to meet me but keeps asking me if I am okay now and if I am stable. This to me tells me that she is cautious and doesn't want to take it on.
We have been chatting on line and on the phone and exchanging pictures for a while now and we get on really well.
Anyway I thought I had best tell her because we are meeting this weekend and the first thing she would have seen are the scars on my arms and I didn't want any awkward moments. I have seen other people (even family) staring at them and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. This is why I thought it best to tell her. Plus we are going to a party where it's bound to get mentioned, so again I thought it best to tell her.
She says she still wants to me but only if I tell her I'm ok now...Well yes I am stable and in good moods but it can change so rapidly, I never know. I'm still under a psychiatrist and taking meds...does this mean I am ok?
I'm feeling anxious now, I have been single for years and already I feel like I have wrecked it. I am so tempted to just save her the trouble and cancel on her. I would feel guilty if I became ill and she was there. Don't know what to do now, I feel so sad and in a way angry with myself.

[haz]

Well, personally I always think "honesty is the best policy". When I meet people I don't say HI, I'm Hazel and I've got mental health issues", I usually wait till the person gets to know me a bit and then mention it. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

I've been seeing a guy with schizophrenia for the past nine months and he ended up back in hospital last Wednesday. I'm finding it really hard at the moment and have spent the majority of today in tears. I'm stressed out about him, he's stressed out about me being stressed! It's really "testing" our relationship but I'm sure we'll come through it. My own mental health is suffering as a result but hopefully I can be strong and cope ok.

Good Luck.

[shotokansho]

Aww I'm sorry for hearing about your plight at the moment, it's always hard to see someone you love or care about in that position.
I agree that honesty is the best policy, but where do you draw the line? Keep quiet and then wait until she finds out and be bombarded with 1000 questions? I can't cope with that, I would actually prefer someone would keep quiet rather than ask me about it. This time I thought I would change tack and get in there first, now I am regretting it.

[HarvestMoon]

Honest is best but maybe sometimes it's best to dripfeed...?

[shotokansho]

Like I say the first thing she would have seen were my scars, they aint pretty and I am ashamed of them.

[Anxious_gal]

Do you still self harm?
See everyone has issues, no one knows how they will feel tomorrow, everyone has their crazy moments...... but we don't tell people ya tomorrow I might not be as rational as i am today, it's human nature.
Your stable now and any idiot knows that can change, so you cant promise her to always be ok.
Well done on being honest as I wouldn't be, not right away, I hide my anxiety a lot.

Haz don't people with schizophrenia just get worse, doesn't the illness become resistant to drugs, is it not a progressive illness?
definitely in some people it is, I have seen it might self. I cannot cope wit people that ill, the mind games, the twisting of reality, etc.... too hard, although not every one is the same, just my experience of an ex friend who had the illness.

[shotokansho]

Well I think she has decided it for me...she is saying things like "Hope your gonna make it worth my while" and when I said "We will have a laugh" she replied with " What that's all. no kiss and cuddle?".
To me she is suggesting sex, which has scared me. Don't think I can meet her now

[haz]

Do you still self harm?
See everyone has issues, no one knows how they will feel tomorrow, everyone has their crazy moments...... but we don't tell people ya tomorrow I might not be as rational as i am today, it's human nature.
Your stable now and any idiot knows that can change, so you cant promise her to always be ok.
Well done on being honest as I wouldn't be, not right away, I hide my anxiety a lot.

Haz don't people with schizophrenia just get worse, doesn't the illness become resistant to drugs, is it not a progressive illness?
definitely in some people it is, I have seen it might self. I cannot cope wit people that ill, the mind games, the twisting of reality, etc.... too hard, although not every one is the same, just my experience of an ex friend who had the illness.

Mishel - schizophrenia is like any mental illness i.e. it cannot be cured, only controlled with medication. Unfortunately a lot of people with mental health issues especially schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder think they're "cured" when stablisied on meds, as a result they sometimes stop taking their meds (not realising that is what is keeping them well) and their illness returns. There are a LOT of anti-psychotics out there, new ones coming out all the time, just like anti-depressants so if you become resistant to one drug you can switch to another until you find the right one for you.

Haz. :)

---------- Post added at 23:11 ---------- Previous post was at 23:03 ----------


Aww I'm sorry for hearing about your plight at the moment, it's always hard to see someone you love or care about in that position.
I agree that honesty is the best policy, but where do you draw the line? Keep quiet and then wait until she finds out and be bombarded with 1000 questions? I can't cope with that, I would actually prefer someone would keep quiet rather than ask me about it. This time I thought I would change tack and get in there first, now I am regretting it.

Thanks. I knew my boyfriend had schizophrenia when I first met him. I found out more about it GRADUALLY. If I asked too many questions he would tell me he didn't want to talk about it just yet and I accepted that. Now that he's back on his meds he is improving. Maybe you could try explaining to the girl that you will tell her more about your illness once you both get to know each other? After all, I'm sure there is a lot more to you than your mental health issues. It's up to you but nothing ventured, nothing gained. It could be a missed opportunity and you'll never know until you try. If she's freaked out by your scars then she's not the right girl for you - move on - and the right girl will come along in time.

Best wishes and good luck.

Haz.x

[Anxious_gal]

Haz well for my friend no medication stopped the voices, I think if medication would have calmed them down she could be happier. She's tried most meds. She was considering electric shock therapy.
For me sometimes, she was out to get me, lie about me, turn people against me etc.. but at the same time she thought I was out to get her. was very confusing and crazy for me.
I did try and help her. a few people did, but I could not cope with that amount of stress and feeling like I had to watch my back.
It's just made me very wary of people wit psychotic illness.

What lol a kiss and cuddle doesn't mean sex, well not for me anyways,
ugh if she is up for it on the first date, you'd have to wonder if she's like that with everyone :(

But for real go on the date and see how it goes , don't use your imagination to decided how it will ;)

[haz]

Mishel - that's a shame about your friend and your relationship with her. Thankfully, I haven't experienced anything like that with my boyfriend and hopefully won't. However, I have experienced the things you described with a so called ex "friend". She has no diagnosis of any mental illness but she is most definitely a Sociopath and I'm so glad she is out of my life! She has lost many friends and her job of 23 years as a result of her behaviour. Just shows you there are probably just as many undiagnosed mentally unstable people out there as there are diagnosed. Crazy old world! :D