Checking obsession is getting out of hand

[Button1]

I'm going through a bit of a tough time with HA at the moment so I apologise for my multiple posts but I'm hoping to get some advice on how to stop the obsessive cycle of checking that I seem to be trapped in.

The main cause of my HA is the fear that I have bowel cancer- I was investigated for unexplained upper abdominal pain, mostly under left ribs (chest X-Ray, ultrasound, blood tests) and eventually diagnosed with IBS. My doctor is so convinced this is what it is that she has refused to do any more tests and has given me sertroline and I'm waiting for CBT. But I can't believe that I'm not ill. I've had everything under the sun, from gas, to gurgling (sometimes just under the left rib cage) to back ache, to loose stools to constipation with normal stools in between. Never any of the red flag symptoms. This has been going on for about a month/ 6 weeks.

I've become obsessed by going to the loo, even if I don't need it. When I do have a BM (2-3 times a day), I'm there for ages (sometimes 20mins) checking it and worrying that I'm not seeing something bad. I've now got a bit of an uncomfortable sensation around my anus (sorry if that's TMI) which is a little bit itchy/ raw. I don't know if I'm wiping or examining too much? If I'm not doing that I'm looking at bowel cancer sites (for several hours a day) to read patient's stories and finding people who've been diagnosed at my age (30) or younger. It's taking over my life and I'm really falling behind at work.

I don't know how to break the cycle. I feel like if I had a colonoscopy I'd feel much better but I don't know how to make the case to my doctor. When I've read other people's posts, complaining of similar things, I feel like they've always been offered more exploratory tests than I have. I don't think my doctor is ignoring me- she sees me every 2 weeks to check I've not gone completely loopy (!) she just doesn't want to put me through uncomfortable (and in her view) unnecessary tests.

can anyone offer any thoughts?

Sorry for the multiple posts but I do feel pretty rotten...

[swgrl09]

I too have a checking obsession, but more recently mine has been checking my boyfriend. I don't check myself as much, but I check his moles all the time, everything. He rarely goes to the doctor and we are both young (23, 24 yrs old). He says he feels fine and knows he is fine. I just can't stop checking even without him being aware of it! I become anxious just looking at him if he has his shirt off because I can see all his moles and stuff. I am anxious even thinking about it.

I'm sorry I am not much help, but I understand how frustrating this is. I hope you can get your CBT soon, as it really can help. Just know that you aren't going to suffer from this forever. I try to think about times when I wasn't like this, before my HA and what the "me" back then would have thought about something. That helps once in a while. I know that "me" is somewhere still in my head, just the HA is much louder.

[Button1]

that's a real problem for me- I just now can't remember what I was like or who I was without the HA. I'm worried that if I get over the bowel cancer fear, it will just be something else. When I'm not looking at that particular cancer, I'm looking at something else. But thank you for identifying with this- it is good to be able to speak to people who understand (my husband thinks I'm mental!!!)