coryboyirish
25-10-11, 22:03
Hello Hello,
I'm new to the forum - so be aware - that I realise there are a lot of people probably going through the same situations that I am, but i'm just appreciating any help - and i'm also going to try and be an active member of the forum after this thread also.
I'm Cory, i'm 21, and I live in England for University, but originally I come from Ireland. I'm in my final year of University. Basically I don't know where to begin.....
Essentially since March this year - I had a panic attack - a massive one. One where I couldn't breathe, and it came completely out of the blue. It wasn't turned on by anything, I wasn't stressed, depressed, on any alcohol or drugs.. I was simply in my room.. watching television (I think it was Countdown on More4, for any of the British people in this forum. aka - something that you would definitely not expect to trigger anxiety).
I would like to stress that this was my FIRST ONE EVER. And I'd like to point out that before this, as far as I was aware, I thought panic was simply something much much much less extreme. So of course, because I didn't know what panic or anxiety was at the time, I thought the panic attack when it happened, was something like a heart attack, or of course, when it started, i thought - '****, i'm i dieing'? etc.
Ever since then... i've developed this sense of fear... since that panic attack in March. Because understandably, it scared the crap out of me, who doesn't feel scared by it.. and it has ruled my life with aniexty ever since..
Now let's stress, that I haven't actually had a panic attack per say ever since.. i've just been constantly.. on edge... thinking about it. After researching it further i've realised that i've felt depersonalisation, and 'aniexty attacks' - which is something that lasts for hours, unlike a panic attack, that lasts for minutes, etc.
I've realised many things since march - and to be honest, I'm just going to bullet point them.
- If realised that if i forget about aniexty - the aniexty itself never ever ever happens, and it never comes out of the blue for no reason. aka - This makes me realise that i am indeed the one causing my own worst enemy in essence.
- I've gone through weeks forgetting about it, but every so often i go - 'oh cory, you haven't experienced aniexty in a while.. ' and OPPS - it's back!
- At first I thought it was something medically wrong with me.. hyperthyroid syndrome (i'm a skinny guy, always have been, even prior to March).
- I'VE NEVER LET IT RUN MY LIFE. I always always fight it and man up to it. For example, it doesn't stop me from going to class, going to work, doing assignments, going out clubbing with friends, etc.. but of course it makes it difficult for me than the average joe when i'm out.
- If you seen me in person, and spoke to me, etc - You would personally never think I had this problem. I never show it.
And I have to admit something - it was very very very very frankly annoying that the internet kept telling me that I'm depressed... when I honestly do think I am not? Is that normal for me to think this? I really don't think i'm in denial about this.. i just think i've got myself caught in a loop of aniexty - if you get me? That understandably is difficult to get off?
However, since the discovery of this aniexty - it has made my little old soul, think of course that its things worse than it's not.
- Some days i'm convinced it's something foreign in me, therefore i think i've got some sort of brain tumour.
- The obvious sign, that I think I'm going mad - because I really do think.. this isn't me.. why is this happening to me? etc. But I've read on the web that this is simply a very common symptom of aniexty.. but now i keep saying to myself.. is this me going mad? But why? I'm obviously just getting anxious when i think about it.
- The Internet telling me i'm depressed, when i don't think i am? And this very information on the web makes me doubt myself and sometimes makes me feel depressed because of it - but not 'medically' depressed, if you get me.. but ... sad? if you realise the difference? which of course, fuels the aniexty.
I'm just frankly, extremely fed up, and since March - it has slowly been getting worse, like I just can't cope with deeling with this issue anymore. It's not more of a sadness.. it's more of a... '**** SAKE I'M REALLY ****ING SICK OF YOU ANIEXTY' feeling.. to be frank.
What i'm basically saying is..
There is a WHOLE list of panic disorders and what not.. but what exactly is mine.. and is mine serious to others? Is there anyone who has got caught in this loop per say that I have?
Since a month ago, I finally decided to give up in hiding this - and telling all my friends and family about this.. which they have been VERY VERY supportive over, and frankly - some friends of mine have in turn - 'came out of the closet' in terms of their aniexty, and admitted that they have it too. Some in the same scale as me, none more than me, others, a bit less..
I've also decided to give counselling a help - which does good, and she agrees, that i'm not depressed, or physicotic or any sort of mental illness, she simply put that - 'my fear of aniexty fuels my aniexty'.
I'm sort of thinking that I may have health aniexty? Because I always thought in the past that I had something wrong with me and it never turned out to be true, and this me always thinking the worst case scenario.
But this has gotten to extreme causes to me personally.. 3/4 of my week now is generally fine.. but others i'm convinced I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown (which i know isn't really the case, i just think i convince myself i am - as the aniexty makes it seem like it, if you get me?) and others I'm just 'down' and sick to death of it.
I'd like to point out. That i am very against taking any sort of medication, i'm convinced that if i just talk to people about it, to you guys, to my friends and family and to a counsellor.. it would work itself out.
I understand that this is full of spelling mistakes and no doubt, grammar errors, but i written it in a rush haha. As i'm missing my favourite T.V Show.. BBC News lol.
I hope you guys can give me some opinions and i'd like to see if anyone has / is going through what I'm going through.. and what you have / is doing to overcome this? And what is the best option? And of course.. what is this? Is it a disorder? Or is just plain old... my personality lol.
I'm sorry this is also very long.. i just had to explain the whole thing..
Many Thanks! :)
I'm new to the forum - so be aware - that I realise there are a lot of people probably going through the same situations that I am, but i'm just appreciating any help - and i'm also going to try and be an active member of the forum after this thread also.
I'm Cory, i'm 21, and I live in England for University, but originally I come from Ireland. I'm in my final year of University. Basically I don't know where to begin.....
Essentially since March this year - I had a panic attack - a massive one. One where I couldn't breathe, and it came completely out of the blue. It wasn't turned on by anything, I wasn't stressed, depressed, on any alcohol or drugs.. I was simply in my room.. watching television (I think it was Countdown on More4, for any of the British people in this forum. aka - something that you would definitely not expect to trigger anxiety).
I would like to stress that this was my FIRST ONE EVER. And I'd like to point out that before this, as far as I was aware, I thought panic was simply something much much much less extreme. So of course, because I didn't know what panic or anxiety was at the time, I thought the panic attack when it happened, was something like a heart attack, or of course, when it started, i thought - '****, i'm i dieing'? etc.
Ever since then... i've developed this sense of fear... since that panic attack in March. Because understandably, it scared the crap out of me, who doesn't feel scared by it.. and it has ruled my life with aniexty ever since..
Now let's stress, that I haven't actually had a panic attack per say ever since.. i've just been constantly.. on edge... thinking about it. After researching it further i've realised that i've felt depersonalisation, and 'aniexty attacks' - which is something that lasts for hours, unlike a panic attack, that lasts for minutes, etc.
I've realised many things since march - and to be honest, I'm just going to bullet point them.
- If realised that if i forget about aniexty - the aniexty itself never ever ever happens, and it never comes out of the blue for no reason. aka - This makes me realise that i am indeed the one causing my own worst enemy in essence.
- I've gone through weeks forgetting about it, but every so often i go - 'oh cory, you haven't experienced aniexty in a while.. ' and OPPS - it's back!
- At first I thought it was something medically wrong with me.. hyperthyroid syndrome (i'm a skinny guy, always have been, even prior to March).
- I'VE NEVER LET IT RUN MY LIFE. I always always fight it and man up to it. For example, it doesn't stop me from going to class, going to work, doing assignments, going out clubbing with friends, etc.. but of course it makes it difficult for me than the average joe when i'm out.
- If you seen me in person, and spoke to me, etc - You would personally never think I had this problem. I never show it.
And I have to admit something - it was very very very very frankly annoying that the internet kept telling me that I'm depressed... when I honestly do think I am not? Is that normal for me to think this? I really don't think i'm in denial about this.. i just think i've got myself caught in a loop of aniexty - if you get me? That understandably is difficult to get off?
However, since the discovery of this aniexty - it has made my little old soul, think of course that its things worse than it's not.
- Some days i'm convinced it's something foreign in me, therefore i think i've got some sort of brain tumour.
- The obvious sign, that I think I'm going mad - because I really do think.. this isn't me.. why is this happening to me? etc. But I've read on the web that this is simply a very common symptom of aniexty.. but now i keep saying to myself.. is this me going mad? But why? I'm obviously just getting anxious when i think about it.
- The Internet telling me i'm depressed, when i don't think i am? And this very information on the web makes me doubt myself and sometimes makes me feel depressed because of it - but not 'medically' depressed, if you get me.. but ... sad? if you realise the difference? which of course, fuels the aniexty.
I'm just frankly, extremely fed up, and since March - it has slowly been getting worse, like I just can't cope with deeling with this issue anymore. It's not more of a sadness.. it's more of a... '**** SAKE I'M REALLY ****ING SICK OF YOU ANIEXTY' feeling.. to be frank.
What i'm basically saying is..
There is a WHOLE list of panic disorders and what not.. but what exactly is mine.. and is mine serious to others? Is there anyone who has got caught in this loop per say that I have?
Since a month ago, I finally decided to give up in hiding this - and telling all my friends and family about this.. which they have been VERY VERY supportive over, and frankly - some friends of mine have in turn - 'came out of the closet' in terms of their aniexty, and admitted that they have it too. Some in the same scale as me, none more than me, others, a bit less..
I've also decided to give counselling a help - which does good, and she agrees, that i'm not depressed, or physicotic or any sort of mental illness, she simply put that - 'my fear of aniexty fuels my aniexty'.
I'm sort of thinking that I may have health aniexty? Because I always thought in the past that I had something wrong with me and it never turned out to be true, and this me always thinking the worst case scenario.
But this has gotten to extreme causes to me personally.. 3/4 of my week now is generally fine.. but others i'm convinced I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown (which i know isn't really the case, i just think i convince myself i am - as the aniexty makes it seem like it, if you get me?) and others I'm just 'down' and sick to death of it.
I'd like to point out. That i am very against taking any sort of medication, i'm convinced that if i just talk to people about it, to you guys, to my friends and family and to a counsellor.. it would work itself out.
I understand that this is full of spelling mistakes and no doubt, grammar errors, but i written it in a rush haha. As i'm missing my favourite T.V Show.. BBC News lol.
I hope you guys can give me some opinions and i'd like to see if anyone has / is going through what I'm going through.. and what you have / is doing to overcome this? And what is the best option? And of course.. what is this? Is it a disorder? Or is just plain old... my personality lol.
I'm sorry this is also very long.. i just had to explain the whole thing..
Many Thanks! :)