Back from a Specialist: I Don't Know How to Feel :(

[skyisblue]

Today, I had the guts to go to an ENT (ear, nose, throat) specialist in a reputable hospital in our place. My concerned mom accompanied me to the doctor.

As you all know, I've been struggling for the past 5 years with this painless and hard lump behind my right ear. The lump is making me fear that I have the big C.

Anyway, to make the story short, the ENT specialist examined my neck and the area behind my ears for about 20 seconds and came to the conclusion that it was just an enlarged lymph node. He didn't seem concerned.

My mother told the doctor something I have never known in my life. When I was a new born baby, I was unfortunately infected with tuberculosis. With that, it was from there when my mom and my auntie noticed this lump behind my ear. It never went down, as she can recall. Our family friend who was a surgeon said that it was just a lymph node.

My pediatrician (who was a pediatric ICU specialist) took care of me for 18 years and has always dismissed this concern as an enlarged lymph node. So now I have three specialists saying that it's just a lymph node.

Anyway, back to the ENT specialist today. He just ordered a chest x-ray to see if this has any bearing with the infection I had when I was still little (they called it "primary complex").

What freaked me out is that he said that there is always an option to have this thing removed from my ear and have it biopsied so that we can truly know what that thing is. Of course, that just sent me off to the cliff. I interpreted it as "I think you have the big C, so I'm giving you this option to have it examined".

Other than that, the ENT jut dismissed us with a warm smile and calm attitude.

What I'm fearing is that I've come to the wrong specialist. Should have I gone to an oncologist instead? :weep: Also, having him mentioned about the possibility of having it removed scared the living lights out of me. Everytime I touch it, it has no pain and it makes me more and more anxious even after a trip to the specialist.

My whole family seems to be happy about what the ENT told us yet as an HA, I'm still scared :(

[Chem]

What the specialist was saying is:

"I have no reason to think it's the big C, but can do a biopsy or remove it to reassure you"

Do you really think your mother and family would have left it untreated all these years if they thought it was the slightest risk to you?

I have two of them - one at the base of my neck and one that moves around over my collar bone. I've had them as long as I can remember and I'm 53. Please try not to worry :hugs:

[debs71]

Hi,

I think that it is really hard with health anxiety to identify the logic about a health issue/problem. We get so scared and home in on one thing but I hope I can offer some comfort with a few points.

You say you have had the lump for five years. Assuming that within those five years you have had no symptoms, or deterioration healthwise then that is not indicative of a malignancy. In fact, it appears you have had it way longer from what your Mom says, which is even more of a positive.

As far as the option of removal goes, please do not see this as the clinicians indicating it HAS to be removed. They would offer this for any lump that is there and shouldn't be, and is not performing any physical function or poses any risk in being removed. The biopsy is also not indicative that you have a malignancy. All lumps that are removed are tested as standard, just to see what they comprise of.

Please do bear in mind if you can that doctors - particularly ENT'S - see loads of lumps and swellings every day, and are used to what is normal, and what is out of the ordinary. I am guessing that it is the words 'lymph', 'lump' and 'biopsy' that have compounded your fears, but these terms do not have to indicate the worst possible scenario.

I have had a small lump on my lower lip for 8 years and nobody has given me a straight diagnosis, except it is benign. I was given the option of removal, but seeing as there was a risk of bleeding and scarring I decided to just live with it and it is just there, not doing anything! Lumps don't have to mean the worst hun.

Look at the big picture if you can and not just home in on what things appear to mean to you. The primary thing to remember is that so much time has passed and nothing has happened whilst having the lump.

Stay positive and big hug.xx:hugs:

[Anxious_gal]

GET IT REMOVED! For your own piece of mind please get rid of it.
Doctors biopsy every from skin tags to lumps and bumps,it is just standard.
I think they could remove it under local,so you'd be awake and feel no pain.
Once it is gone you will never have to worry about it again, plus the testing, biopsy will put all your fears to bed x

[skyisblue]

Thank you Chem, debs, and mishel.

Sorry for the late reply for I have been busy with holiday preparations for the past three days. My mom is actually getting sick and tired of me being a constant worrier. My family knows that I have HA but does not know how difficult it is to have it.

So my family has told me that I've had this weird lump behind my ear since I was very young. I'm so sick and tired as well thinking that my whole family is just making up this story to make me shut up once and for all.

I realize that I feel more anxious whenever I am tempted to touch it or actually touch the area behind my ear. At the back of my mind, I can't help that it is growing little by little everyday. I surely do not know anymore whether this is my logic or just my irrational side brought about by HA.

To make it worse, I've read 4 novels since I posted here to try and make myself better. Unfortunately, those 4 novels had the big C involved (which I id not intend to read, obviously). I feel like the universe is conspiring against me to show me these signs. Oh dear :(