cwoz82
29-10-11, 16:58
Hi Guys,
I don't that anyone can relate to this as it's so obscure but I need to vent somewhere someone might understand given my history of Anxiety and Depression.
I'll begin with this...My Husabnd is HIV+ and through no fault of his own, no drugs, no dirty deeds behind my back, we don't know how only that it was potentially due to the job he was doing at the time. We only found out as fresh out of uni and buying our own home he was doing medical research to bring in extra money and for one in the November all was fine, he returned in the February for another stint but they couldn't allow him to do it because of his bloods - this is how we found out and we know it was in that 3 month window it happened so please do not judge by what you think you may know of HIV. He does not have AIDS and is not on any medication, the infection is at exceptionlly low levels in his blood and I remain in a perfectly normal marriage and 5 years afte his diagnosis i remain HIV-. Upon being referred for treatment the Dr told us you can expect 3 treatments of IUI funded and then 1 of IVF.
As we cannot have unprotected sex we must have fertility treatment as a means of having children...it is our ONLY way of having our own unless we were prepared to risk both myself and the child becomming HIV+ and that is simply not an option. 2 years ago, 1 year after we were married we asked to be referred for fertility treatment, it's called sperm washing and this washes the infected material from the actual sperm (as it's carried in the semenal fluid)...we are now 2 years down the line and they are only just now talking about treatment as until now we've been with a clinic in Wales but they no longer provide the treatment and we must go to london for it. A summary so far
1. initial consult, told standard is 3 IUI and then failing that 1 of IVF
2. blood tests to confirm hormones and HIV status
3. Hysterosalpingogram to test my fertility - told all was fine by radiologist
4. consult on tests - problem with hysterosalpingogram need diagnostic lapraoscopy
5. diagnostic laparoscopy - told all fine bar a little endometriosis, book app fo 2 weeks and plan treatment
6. Arrive for treatment planning consult and they didn't even know why we were there, can't find our file
7. Found file another consult - the dr we require is no longer treating at the clinic we must go to london - referral undertaken
8. Consult to plan tests needed for referral - lost referral letter
9. Letter found another consult
10. Husband goes to clinic as told by letter - no suitable nurses in the clinic on his arrival must return another day
11. Tests all done. referred to london
12. 3 months later no word - referral is still on the desk on Welsh consultant
13. 3 weeks chasing referral sign off
14. Sent to london - 3 weeks later and still no word - referral was misplaced
14. 1 week later referral found, consult booked in July for September
15. August - call from clinic, can't do appointment that day, book for October
16. Arrive at Chelsea and Westminster Hospital london for consult - this was Thursday
I'm absolutely petrified of lifts so always take the stairs - there is no stairs option in this hospital so 4 times i had to take the lift. Went to consult, they have no information on our funding, only confirmation it was secured and i need to get that from the PCT but told again that the standard is 3 IUI and 1 of IVF, but apart from all is fine and we are literally waiting for a phone call from the nurse to begin actual treatment. I rang the PCT yesterday morning to transfer the funding to the clinic in london, once it was faxed i rang london and asked of how much funding we have....long wait....."Mrs Jones?...Yes...it looks like it's just one cycle". Cue devastation.
I know it's NHS and things are tight but the one constant in all the mess was we'd always beentold all along it's generally 3 IUI and 1 IVF. The clinic can apply for further funding but this is only after the first treatment and doesn't guarantee a yes and the process is quite time consuming. This brings up so many other issues, financially - we may have to provide sooner than we thought and given that it's £1,500 a pop just for IUI i'm panicking about money as we're not loaded and have just been getting on our feet financially...i'd been looking forward to putting money away to prepare for a child / treatment but now it might be so much sooner than we thought or even if we do have funding i have no idea how long it will take AGAIN. The worst part of this all is that I am trying to fight off a depressive episode and i'm being told from all angles that i have to "cross that bridge when we come to it". Anyone with anxiety and depression will know that we cannot cope with crossing the bridge hen we come to it - I want to know what's on the other side of the bridge before i cross. I ask my husband when comes the point we say enough is enough and we give up on treatment and look at adoption - which we cannot do until at least 6 months clear of any fertility treatment before our application could be considered - and all i get now is that we must do this first treatment before making decisions. Well no because if it fails - as there's a 75% chance it will - we need to have the finances in place to fund further.
I'm terrified that my anxiety, my depression and fear of the lifts are going to make it impossible for me to relax enough to concieve...everyone tells us they know someone who'd had successfull treatment - I don't know a single person who's also had treatment. I wish i'd someone to talk to about it but I don't so I only hope you guys might be able to offer some moral support / words of experience / encouragement so far as trying to cope with all this naturally.
Sorry it's so long but thanks for listening if you've made it to this point :blush:
Just so confused and in an depressive rut.
I don't that anyone can relate to this as it's so obscure but I need to vent somewhere someone might understand given my history of Anxiety and Depression.
I'll begin with this...My Husabnd is HIV+ and through no fault of his own, no drugs, no dirty deeds behind my back, we don't know how only that it was potentially due to the job he was doing at the time. We only found out as fresh out of uni and buying our own home he was doing medical research to bring in extra money and for one in the November all was fine, he returned in the February for another stint but they couldn't allow him to do it because of his bloods - this is how we found out and we know it was in that 3 month window it happened so please do not judge by what you think you may know of HIV. He does not have AIDS and is not on any medication, the infection is at exceptionlly low levels in his blood and I remain in a perfectly normal marriage and 5 years afte his diagnosis i remain HIV-. Upon being referred for treatment the Dr told us you can expect 3 treatments of IUI funded and then 1 of IVF.
As we cannot have unprotected sex we must have fertility treatment as a means of having children...it is our ONLY way of having our own unless we were prepared to risk both myself and the child becomming HIV+ and that is simply not an option. 2 years ago, 1 year after we were married we asked to be referred for fertility treatment, it's called sperm washing and this washes the infected material from the actual sperm (as it's carried in the semenal fluid)...we are now 2 years down the line and they are only just now talking about treatment as until now we've been with a clinic in Wales but they no longer provide the treatment and we must go to london for it. A summary so far
1. initial consult, told standard is 3 IUI and then failing that 1 of IVF
2. blood tests to confirm hormones and HIV status
3. Hysterosalpingogram to test my fertility - told all was fine by radiologist
4. consult on tests - problem with hysterosalpingogram need diagnostic lapraoscopy
5. diagnostic laparoscopy - told all fine bar a little endometriosis, book app fo 2 weeks and plan treatment
6. Arrive for treatment planning consult and they didn't even know why we were there, can't find our file
7. Found file another consult - the dr we require is no longer treating at the clinic we must go to london - referral undertaken
8. Consult to plan tests needed for referral - lost referral letter
9. Letter found another consult
10. Husband goes to clinic as told by letter - no suitable nurses in the clinic on his arrival must return another day
11. Tests all done. referred to london
12. 3 months later no word - referral is still on the desk on Welsh consultant
13. 3 weeks chasing referral sign off
14. Sent to london - 3 weeks later and still no word - referral was misplaced
14. 1 week later referral found, consult booked in July for September
15. August - call from clinic, can't do appointment that day, book for October
16. Arrive at Chelsea and Westminster Hospital london for consult - this was Thursday
I'm absolutely petrified of lifts so always take the stairs - there is no stairs option in this hospital so 4 times i had to take the lift. Went to consult, they have no information on our funding, only confirmation it was secured and i need to get that from the PCT but told again that the standard is 3 IUI and 1 of IVF, but apart from all is fine and we are literally waiting for a phone call from the nurse to begin actual treatment. I rang the PCT yesterday morning to transfer the funding to the clinic in london, once it was faxed i rang london and asked of how much funding we have....long wait....."Mrs Jones?...Yes...it looks like it's just one cycle". Cue devastation.
I know it's NHS and things are tight but the one constant in all the mess was we'd always beentold all along it's generally 3 IUI and 1 IVF. The clinic can apply for further funding but this is only after the first treatment and doesn't guarantee a yes and the process is quite time consuming. This brings up so many other issues, financially - we may have to provide sooner than we thought and given that it's £1,500 a pop just for IUI i'm panicking about money as we're not loaded and have just been getting on our feet financially...i'd been looking forward to putting money away to prepare for a child / treatment but now it might be so much sooner than we thought or even if we do have funding i have no idea how long it will take AGAIN. The worst part of this all is that I am trying to fight off a depressive episode and i'm being told from all angles that i have to "cross that bridge when we come to it". Anyone with anxiety and depression will know that we cannot cope with crossing the bridge hen we come to it - I want to know what's on the other side of the bridge before i cross. I ask my husband when comes the point we say enough is enough and we give up on treatment and look at adoption - which we cannot do until at least 6 months clear of any fertility treatment before our application could be considered - and all i get now is that we must do this first treatment before making decisions. Well no because if it fails - as there's a 75% chance it will - we need to have the finances in place to fund further.
I'm terrified that my anxiety, my depression and fear of the lifts are going to make it impossible for me to relax enough to concieve...everyone tells us they know someone who'd had successfull treatment - I don't know a single person who's also had treatment. I wish i'd someone to talk to about it but I don't so I only hope you guys might be able to offer some moral support / words of experience / encouragement so far as trying to cope with all this naturally.
Sorry it's so long but thanks for listening if you've made it to this point :blush:
Just so confused and in an depressive rut.