fear of pregnancy?

[miniholly]

well since i've been about 11 years old and started having my periods around that age i've always had a phobia of becoming pregnant for some reason.
i didn't become sexually active until 15 so i really had no reason to worry about pregnancy at such a young age, it seems all throughout the month i worry about being pregnant.
i'm now nearly 18 and over the past month the phobia has got way more intense which i think has to do with me coming off the pill nearly 2 months ago, i had sex with my boyfriend around 2 months ago with a condom (which didn't split) and since then i've had an intense panicky feeling about being pregnant. i've had my periods normally on time with the same symptoms so i don't know why i'm so worried and haven't had sex since beginning of september.
i went back on the pill last week as i couldn't stand the fear of becoming pregnant much longer and always felt very safe when i was on the pill even though i know its not 100% effective.
i keep telling myself "I'll calm down after i've got my next period" yet even when i get it i still panic. i know i'm not pregnant so i'm not going to take any form of pregnancy test as it just seems a waste of money and i know it wouldn't even put my mind at ease anyway.
i just feel so down. i have been having a lot of problems with my bladder lately too so i don't exactly feel so cheery anyway.
anyone else suffer from this?

[Janeeey]

I don't have this worry - I am much older and have been pregnant and would quite like to be so can't relate as such - but do remember when i was around your age being a bit worried. One of my closest friends was very similar she was always on the pill and used condoms and still worried each month. I also remember worrying each time I had sex. Don't take this the wrong way but when I was young i used to think just having sex could lead to babies .. but of course you need to understand your cycle and that in reality there is only around 2 days a month when you can actually fall pregnant - its not as easy as you think, though of course you should always take precautions, plus as you say if you are not having sex all the time then you cannot be pregnant.

I would suggest you re-educate yourself about how your body works in terms of getting pregnant (apologies if you know all there is to know - I just never thought about it until I actually wanted to get pregnant in my 30s!), keep on the pill, use condoms if you want to also and then try and relax. If you really can't you may benefit from seeing a counsellor - but I am sure you will overcome it in time. Good luck

[johnno]

ok ok let me try something. lets not think of why you feel like that just say one moment you thought of getting pregnant without knowing and that brought about panic the same way if someone with ocd may obsess about catching germs. let that fear arise and notice that fear arising and notice your thoughts even the thoughts oh no why am i feeling like this again or no why should i worry, watch your thoughts about pregnancy . they are super subtle but just watch them through calm eyes.

[miniholly]

Thank you both.

Janeeey - i've never really met anyone who freaks out like i do lol, everyone i know who's had sex haven't really freaked out and just get on with things. i feel pretty calm about not getting pregnant when i'm on the pill i think it was just the shock of my safety net (the pill) not being there even though me and my boyfriend had sex with condoms way before i started the pill and we were fine, my boyfriend is very safe always puts the condom on properly and checks it afterwards for holes and i trust him to tell me if there was anything wrong so i don't really know why i'm so worried even though i've had 2 periods since i last had sex. i will do some research on how the body works when getting pregnant, iknow bits and pieces but clearly not enough haha :p

Johnno - i have heard about that method working, its how i battled through my relationship OCD by actually thinking about the thoughts calmly so i think i will try that myself over the next few weeks.

[lior]

I sometimes worry quite a bit. Once I was so terrified of being pregnant that my period came late, which made me even more worried, which made it come even later! It's a really stressful experience, I know just how you feel.

But it really does help to know how unlikely it is you'll get pregnant even without a condom. Then out of that unlikeness, the condom makes it even more unlikely.

I'm not sure how unlikely it is - say it's 95% unlikely you'll get pregnant without a condom. Then with a condom, it's 97% effective (because of the potential splitting of the condom). I don't remember the maths of it exactly but that means it's even more unlikely, like 99.5% unlikely.

And then if you don't have sex that much, that's much more reduced. Especially if you don't have sex when you ovulate (I'm extra extra careful around that time).

If you ever do fall pregnant, would you consider abortion? For me, to know that the choice is there, I'm much less scared. If, however, you believe that it's a human with rights as soon as it's conceived, then I would be cautious about having sex at all right now. You're not ready for a baby. Is that what you're afraid of - or is it the feeling of being pregnant? Are you afraid of having a baby, having to tell your mum you're pregnant, having to give birth... what exactly makes you afraid?

Understanding yourself better is always a good thing :)

And I keep a period diary, just to be properly on top of things. It's very reassuring.

[miss maxwell]

I was the same but for different reasons. I wasn't sexually active until I was 15 and funny enough it was that 1 encounter that I became pregnant with my 9 yr old son. after that I didn't have sex until 4 years later and became pregnant with my 5 yr old daughter. During the 4 years I avoided have sex with my partner. I would shake from any sexually contact and physically freak out to the point of passing out. All though I have had kids after my first child my partner was extremely patient with me, my fear started with getting pregnant and now has shifted to having sex. i love my children and would change it for the world but my anxiety about having sex has broke down my relationship with my partner and coursed him to cheat and have another child outside of the family. i would like to offer some tips on helping you with your problem but i cant sweet heart. ive been reading some messages from here. and there is alot of people on medication for their anxiety as where i am not. its something ive did my best to keep away from my doctors..... all i wonna be is NORMAL and if i go on medication ill be label and stamp for life:weep:

[miniholly]

Lior - I did the exact same thing in September, my period came two days late because I was stressing so much, was a huge relief when it did come though!
And I think everything about being pregnant makes me feel a bit scared. Having to tell people like my Mum and especially my boyfriend I just wouldn't know how and I don't know how my boyfriend would react to begin with, its just a very scary thought. I'm also just not ready for having a baby, I'm only 18 I do want children one day but many many years from now.

miss maxwell - I'm very sorry to hear about your situation, don't feel ashamed to go on medication for anxiety problems remember you don't have to stay on them forever :-) But I do know the feeling and I refuse to also go on any form of medication for anxiety/depression also unless I really really need to.