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shy
25-05-06, 13:12
Whats wrong with me? I have two gorgeous little girls a fiancee who loves me and looks after me.
But I am so alone I havnt had a single true friend since i was at school, and that was years ago. I cant seem to make one thats all i want just someone i can call my mate.
I feel as though people through the years have been talking about me and wondered why i have no friends. I cant help being quiet and cant make a conversation or if questions are asked I just pause or jitter my words up what do people think no wonder nobody wants to know me better i get so worked up.
I can be fine eg if glen my partner is with me and were talking to people I can join in because he is there to save me if I talk rubbish or feeling stuck in social situations. But I cant do things for my self like make phone calls going to shops getting a drink at the bar its so fustrating but i do have to do it sometimes and i do and feel people looking finding me strange maybe i dont know why . So getting out and making a friend is so hard for me I wonder if its going to be like this for ever. I want to get married to glen one day but I worry il have no friends sitting on my side and he will have loads, or my funerel, who would come, I cant hold my daughters any birthday parties because it fills me with dread.My poor kids having a lonely sad mum like me. Their so outgoing and chatty i feel as though I hold them back sometimes.
Ive tried mother and toddler groups but I feel i am not wanted I look young but im not that young maybe they think im a single young mum or something with is far from.I I may just be paranoid like always.

Ive got to pick jasmine up from school later and everytime i do I dont leave the house until late so im the last to pick her up and they would be going back the other way because u stand out the front door and there all chatting away while waiting for there kids to be let out.I feel so snobby and stuckup I know thats what the mums must think and talk about but i really dont mean to be.

Its good letting it all out though on here theres not many people you can open up to like this and its not face2face which makes it all the much better. for me anyway. I hope im not the only one feeling so lonely and frightend of my future. would be nice to hear from anybody.

thanks

love kimxxx

Piglet
25-05-06, 13:28
Kim I have a couple of friends just like you and they are the bestest people because I get to talk all the time[:I] :D. We need a nice equal balance in society of different types of people and it really wouldn't do for us all to be the same.

You rejoice in being you mate and don't think of it as being a negative thing at all. Perhaps give yourself a goal of having one of Jasmines friends to play (not sure how old she is) after school and then talk to the mum when she comes to pick her up. Friendships aren't built overnight but you could start by sowing a few seeds. Most of my mates are the ones I met 15 years ago at the school gate etc.

Love Piglet

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

clickaway
25-05-06, 13:45
Hi Kim,

I know how difficult it can be, but at the end of the day you sometimes have to go for it.

First of all, why are you like this? Is it low self-esteem or the isolation that comes with anxiety? If its the former, try to "love yourself" more and see yourself as a valued person. If possible, take up a new activity, and this will still be possible with the toddlers.

Try and find out if there are any groups in your area of a 'drop' in nature. There are plenty of people around who need support just like yourself, and you may find a group. Take a look in your local community centres, as they may not advertise in the local paper!

Another possible avenue is to join Social Anxiety UK - see their web site.
They do run meet-ups in different parts of the country, and a surprising number of people attend them (I have been to a couple myself). They are geared for people who find it difficult to socialise.

Hope this helps,



Ray
http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

shy
25-05-06, 17:04
Thanks for replying.sorry i dont think i can go to meet so many people at once i wouldnt be able to keep up with trying to talk to to many strangers.im sorry i feel so silly i ask for advise and i dont take it.

I do sometimes say hi or how are u kind of talk to one off the mums at school and we have gone to wizzy play area for the kids but i felt so panicy the hole time you thinking what shall i say next acward silences so i ended up in the soft play with the kids and left her there most of the time its out of order isnt it. I dont mean to be so rude.

Karen
25-05-06, 18:52
Hi Shy

I too have social phobia and talking is still a big issue for me. I have one local friend that I've know since school although I don't see her very often.

The internet is a great place to start making friendships. I joined this site almost 2 years ago now, at a time when I was completely isolated and couldn't speak to anyone through fear and anxiety. In my time here I've made some great friends, some of whom I've met at various meet ups and others I chat to online or have spoken to on the phone. So although you may feel very isolated right now the situation is not hopeless.

I didn't think I'd ever be able to talk to new people but the support I've received here, hypnotherapy and someone starting the ball rolling for me by ringing me regularly at the start have all been a big help. I still get anxious and sometimes panic when faced with speaking or being with new people but starting small and practising regularly does help.

I am currently attending a day hospital for an eating disorder and this has actually had most benefit in improvement of my social phobia. I can chat to some of the other patients, speak to some members of staff about some very painful issues and have even contributed to group therapy sessions when 2 years ago I wouldn't even have been able to enter the room.

I would also say that a conversation is a two-way thing and there are always silences at times. I too have found that very awkward and like it is my responsibility to keep the conversation going. However, when you think about it people don't talk continuously and there are natural pauses and times when people are quiet. It is learning to feel that it is ok to be quiet sometimes and to feel comfortable being with someone and the silence being ok. The person you are with could also quite easily talk and it isn't all down to you.

Have you considered getting some help from a therapist or a support group? CBT therapy is good and I found hypnotherapy very helpful.

Don't give up. It is never too late to start making friends.

Karen



Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey

carlin
25-05-06, 18:57
Hi there, I am sorry you are finding things tough right now, you have a lovely partner and beautiful kids!!!! As the others have said, take things slowly, if you can invite kids back or take them on an outing with you and hubby this gets the ball rolling, although i know how hard that is! Keep smiling when you see other mums, quick hello or nod will do. I have found over the years that explaining to people how i feel (not too indepth) and people do tend to understand. You do not sound as if you are holding your kids back, they sound fine to me! Try not to be too hard on yourself.... For now, forget the wedding, definately forget the funeral, just enjoy your partner and kids, friends will there one day, don't go looking. take care and keep in touch. xx

bernadette
25-05-06, 19:12
hi there you have a child in school he will make freinds and bring 1 or 2 home for tea there mums will pick them up you will soon get to make great freind,s i no you will be strong if you need to talk i will be here and you never no we could be freinds put as you no there r a lot of great people on here giving yoy advice thats wot everyone is here for love to speak to you soon bernadette

emster
26-05-06, 16:34
Hi Shy
Just wanted to let you know you're not the only one, i havent made any freinds at all since i was at school either and i've lost touch with all of the ones i had then. Like you i also find it difficult to make conversation with people i dont know well and even when i do it never moves on from small talk to freindship, and i always feel that people dont generally like me despite being assured that this is not true.
not a very helpful post i know, but i thought perhaps youd like to know that it isnt just you who struggles with these things.
I know I dont personally know you but im sure you are a likeable person and are not actually incapable of making freinds, I think its just a matter of convincing yourself of this and working on building up your confidence.
it is hard and it is very lonely to be without freinds, but i know things will change and it wont be a permanent situation.