Help for Health Anxiety after Surgery Went Wrong

[chl_hobbs]

Hi,
The past 8 weeks have been hell for me.I went to hospital for a laparoscopy(key hole day surgery)on my womb to diagnose and treat endometeriosis. When i came around, i woke up to excruciating pain throughout my abdomen. My BP was low and pulse high and i wasnt responding well. I could see from the Nurses faces and then the surgeon's that something was wrong.

I was whisked off to the local Main Hospital, where, surrounded by lots of doctos, nurses etc, i was told they thought i was bleeding heavily internally and that emergency surgery was necessary. One doctor told me that depending on how much blood i lost, there was a chance i might not make it. I was sure i was going to die, so i asked my boyfriend, Kev, to pass me my phone. I rang my house phone and left a goodbye message to my little girl (18months).

I woke up in Intensive Care 4hours later. It turned out that the surgeon who'd performed the keyhole surgery, had torn my spleen, and i had lost a lot of blood.

I was in intensive care for 3days, then a ward for the next 2weeks.

When I came home the 1st time, i was mess. I would pace around upstairs, I couldnt hold a conversation, couldnt bear noise, couldnt sleep, kept shaking etc etc. Then one day after waking up with a tight chest and feeling dizzy, my boyfriend rang for an ambulance. I was re-admitted, and had a CT scan which showed everything was ok. They called in the mental health team, and they diagnosed me with PTSD and Health Anxiety, and put me on 1g Lorazepam during the day, 10mg diazepam at night, and Escitalopram.

Since then, i have been a mess. Im off the Tamazepam, but the Dr put me on Trazadone to help me sleep ( i took myself off that because it was horrible). I dont have Lorazepam unless i really need it. I also have Propranolol (10mg-30mg a day) to decrease my pulse rate, but i have lowish BP (typically 110/68 or less) and this makes me MORE anxious.

I feel like a bad mum. I cant pick up my little girl due to my surgery and she has to go to her Nana's in the mornings because i am too groggy in the mornings.

I have been to A+E so many times since. They are very good with me, but i get obsessed with 'numbers' (BP, PULSE, TEMPERATURE, HAEMOGLOBIN etc) that i almost demand constant checks. It's like i dont trust anyone anymore, like i have to look out for myself. It's almost primitive - like i feel im having to fight to survive, and it's hell. Everyday i start by being sick, diarrhea, shaking, pulse of 100 and dizzinesss, and i hate it.

Any help/support would be gratefully received :smile:

Charlotte x

[Chem]

You have had a horrendous time :hugs:

Are you still seeing someone from the Mental Health team? It sounds like you could do with intensive support right now and PTSD requires specialist counselling.

Since you aren't taking the meds you were prescribed, maybe you could talk to your doctor about others, and ask him for a specialist referral for counselling.

The symptoms you have in the mornings are from anxiety and it sounds like your A+E visits are too. Have you tried writing a diary of them? Maybe then you could look back and see "last Monday I felt this way too", which would help you realise you're not at the start of a new crisis. It would also help your doctor too.

I know it's really hard, but do try not to obsess with numbers. You've had the tests, they're all fine now and you know it. It's not the numbers, it's the fear that you need help to overcome - and the tremendous shock you have had.

I'm so glad you have your mum and boyfriend to support you. I'm sure you aren't a bad mother. You need time to heal physically, just as any mum would after an op. Your little girl knows she's loved and she's having constant care from family. You'll be able to pick her up soon.

:bighug1: (gently)

[Anxious_gal]

Oh wow waking up in pain is not fun!
you poor thing :(
Must have been scary to see the doctor looking worried!

How could a surgeon tear your spleen and not pick up on it? Like with all the medical training he has plus the cameras etc....

I was once in the ICU for a few days....... Most of the time I was unaware or asleep so I didn't find that in it's self stressful.
I was a young teenager and after I came home, everyone was so worried about me it made me anxious. I had lots of nightmares and even had to sleep with my mum for a few nights as I just felt so scared all the time.

um I do feel that people with PTSD need therapy such as EMDR and theres a few others which I hear work, something about helping you rerun the memories making them less traumatizing.

I do a few triggers after I was in the ICU too, very minor but always with the same fear I was going to get ill again.

please do not punish yourself , you're a good mum and as long as you show love to your daughter she will be ok too x

I struggle with trust too, but try and see that most medical staff are good people who do care about your well being x

Thank you for sharing your story and I am so sorry you are going through this.

Have you considered suing the surgeon in order to pay for PTSD medical / mental health treatment?
I am not sure if it's an option or if the process is too stressful for you.

But please seek out some extra help, you're a sweet lady and you deserve to get better and be happy x