Down I go

[snowgoose]

Thought I had cracked it ...silly stupid me .

Now shaking and retching ....you guys know the score so wont go on . Unable to leave house .
The cause has been the prolonged cancer investigations on my husband ..now it is confirmed . HE is my safe person and I adore him.

I need to man up here and start to do some good supporting . I hate my body doing this when he needs my strong calm support.
So need firm words please anyone kind enough to reply .

I so need to get a grip but seem caught like a rabbit in the headlights and unable to stop the evidence of anxiety I am trying so hard to hide from him.
I am quite a loner so apart from my sons who I dont want to burden ........it is him and me .
thank you for listening .it helped to type this . xx

[bottleblond]

Snow

I'm not surprised you anxiety is giving you gyp at the moment. You're in a very stressful situation with your husband being poorly and if you have no one to talk to trying to stay strong for the both of you then it's bound to add to an already anxious time in both your lives.

Could you maybe ring your local health centre and ask if there is any support groups in your area?.

Please don't go through this along hun.

Love Lisa
xx
:hugs:

[Magic]

Dear Snowgoose,
What a horrible feeling,so sorry, is there any treatment for hubby?
Please get some help from whoever you can --support is what you need.
I wish I lived near you.
You have been so kind to me I wish I could help.
I wish I could give you the strength you need.
Maybe you should tell your sons. You can not do this alone.
sending love xx

[paula lynne]

Aww no snowy x
Are you saying hubby has had a confirmed cancer diagnosis? Whats the options now?
This is reactive hunny, rely on us in the days ahead. Can you get support from Macmillan etc? You dont have to suffer in silence, please ask for help from the people in the know. Im sending you huge hugs, and squeezing you tight my friend. Here for you xxxxxx:hugs:

[empowered]

Dear Snowgoose
I've only just joined but have been lurking for a few months and have seen the wise and calm advice that you have given others - now start thinking of yourself and your husband:hugs: You, and he, have been knocked for six by this and it is expected that your body does what it does naturally under stress, have a blow out:mad: But you know that these are just physical symptoms and you are entitled to feel like this - but you are a wise woman who also knows that she has to be strong for others. Let your sons know and help you - I think I remember that they are both adult now - this is their father as well. Just by talking to them you will relieve some of your internal stress. I know how supportive my two teens were years ago when I had probs - they were the voices of reason and took the weight off my shoulders:blush: I think they may surprise you by how strong they can be.

Please do as others have suggested - look at support groups - have days out at the weekend - just a gentle stroll by a river or canal, pub lunch or just sit in the sun together.

Tell your husband you are frightened (this has been my one greatest fear even though my husband is totally healthy). Don't internalise your feelings - you appear to be joined at the hip and he has been the strong one in the past - build on that and remember how you have so improved. You are entitled to a blip which this is all it is - first reaction is OMG, what am I going to do? Rabbit in the headlights is a brilliant description - that's me to a T when problems present themself - absolutely paralysed with fright. Then sit down and reason it out - take each day by itself. A very good friend of ours was diagnosed with liver cancer (very aggressive) and survived for another 8 years confounding the medical team and his friends - he went everywhere and did everything and continued to work.

Keep on posting here - it will let all the stress out, love yourself and accept you are only human and let it pass. With my love to you both, Debs x:hugs:

[snowgoose]

Lisa,Magic,Paula and Empowered

Thank you from my heart for your warmth and empathy today. Your wise words .
I know there is a support group in the city and will use it .
All is not bad and there are treatment options which we will find out about when we see the consultant . This has gone on too long.

My husband wants to not talk about it which I must respect at the moment .
So having you all here is my outlet ........thought I was so alone .but no I am not . bless you all :hugs:
my sons know but are busy as they should with their own lives..not they dont care but time is in short supply .

Thank you ladies .........think I will hug your words to my heart tonight when bedtime comes . xxxxxx

[debs71]

Oh Snow, I'm so sad for you and am thinking of you and your husband.xxxxxx

I just don't know what to say to you as it is such a tough thing to face, and a huge shock for you.

I would agree with Paula though in that Macmillan are a great source of support and help, and God knows nobody deserves support more than you, seeing as you always support others here.

Sending love and hugs and prayers to you.xxxx:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[KK77]

Could you maybe ring your local health centre and ask if there is any support groups in your area?.

Please don't go through this along hun.

Love Lisa
xx
:hugs:

I agree with Lisa - I think you should seek support from the community to help you both through this difficult time. You shouldn't feel so isolated and alone - there is help out there.

Big hugs to you Snowgoose - I wish you both all the very best. And remember we are always here to do whatever we can to support you...

[miss polly]

Dear Snowgoose ~ I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this terrible time. Please consider speaking to your sons. Just knowing that they at least know how you feel (even if they can't spend a lot of time with you) takes some of the burden off you and may enable you to feel you're not on your own.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband xx

[suzy-sue]

Im so very very sorry to read this Snow ..:hugs: Youve had some wonderful replies and I wont repeat the good advice youve been given .Id just like to say ..Dont be ashamed to ask for help and support..Even if its on here .You will find an inner strength I promise you ..With that and your determination sweet lady. You will manage to cope ..Life never throws anything at you ,You cant cope with ..Always here for you :hugs: .Sending you and your Hubby Love and lots of Positivity .Luv Sue xxx:bighug1:

[suzy-sue]

http://www.angelfire.com/tn2/anl/muddeline.gif

An Angel In Your Pocket

I am a tiny angel ...
I'm smaller than your thumb;
I live in people pockets,
That's where I have my fun.

I don't suppose you've seen me,
I'm too tiny to detect;
Though I'm with you all the time,
I doubt we've ever met.

Before I was an Angel ...
I was a fairy in a flower;
God, Himself, hand-picked me,
And gave me Angel power.

Now God has many Angels
That He trains in Angel pools;
We become His eyes, and ears, and hands ...
We become His special tools.

And because God is so busy,
With way too much to do;
He said that my assignment
Was to keep close watch on you.

Then He tucked me in your pocket,
Blessing you with Angel care;
Saying I must never leave you,
And I vowed to stay right there!


~ Virginia Ellis ~ For you Snow..xxLuv Sue :hugs:

[snowgoose]

Hello you lovely people :flowers:

to all and everyone who answered me yesterday
your words and concern helped beyond anything I have ever experienced.
the written word means you can reread it and print it off and keep in your purse .
I woke as usual at the dark hour with the usual adrenaline surge .......but read my mails again and had cuppa and went back to sleep .
Today I feel so much better and have been out with my husband to local shops .

So by helping me .......I can help my husband .....like ripples in a pool the kindness spreads . Know this is emotional but I am .we are not unique in this stress and worry by any means .
So thank you for taking the time folks .I WILL pm you all who answered over the next day or two .........and Nic .....this place is precious so grateful .

love Snow xxxx

[empowered]

Hello Snowgoose
How lovely to see how positive and uplifted you are today:hugs: I can relate to the "night nadgers", the predawn panic and adrenaline rushes - you've obviously recognised them for what they are and slapped them hard:D Just a gentle bit of pottering with husband and going now where definite is often the best way just to survive the day - it doesn't need any great planning and you never know what's round the bend on that lovely walk that might surprise you. The weekend is coming up - make the most of it and don't feel pressurised - this time is for both of you and your family - the housework etc can wait. My husband and I always make a point of going out at the weekend and we've got to be a standing joke in the pub on Friday night - "what are you doing this w/end they say?" Nothing mind blowing but a gentle bit of poking around local villages and discovering things you didn't know were there - a light pub lunch and then home - bliss. We will take you with us in our thoughts this w/end.:hugs:

[saro]

hi snow,

Ive just read this and wanted to let u know im thinking of you at this difficult time :hugs: get as much support as you can xxx

[paula lynne]

We all love you Snowy and are thinking of you and your husband xxxxxx:hugs:

[snowgoose]

thank you Paula :hugs:
Am on my own today while further biopsies done under anaesthetic ..hubby still not down in theatre yet . so guess he will have to stay overnight .
not coping well at all .......so so scared .......so frightened at what the future holds .........but have realised that I must now start learning how to cope and not rely on my safe person .He sure deserves better than me at the moment .
cant stop crying so going to wipe my snotty nose now and wash face.
thank you everyone xxxxxxx

[Magic]

Bless You Snow.:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[empowered]

Thinking and praying for both of you Snowgoose - big hugs at this frightening time :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Humly]

Hi. When I think of what you are going through it makes my worries seem like nothing. Make sure you seek some support during this. Best wishes to you and all your family. i hope things turn out well. x

[snowgoose]

Hi friends :)

thought a lot about posting this ........but I know some of you lovely people who have supported me recently will want to know
so : the news re my lovely husband is that the cancer is not curable .......but controllable for hopefully at least 3 years with treatment . Surgery is not an option now.
We are ok and it happens ............it happens.

Now just want to say to all with health anxiety :hugs:........my husband was baby snatcher :ohmy:..........getting on a bit though hope he doesnt read this .
please do not think bad things will happen to you ...ok? this is older person stuff
mods if you think this will upset anyone .remove .

I am fine .............good motivation to get out and conquer the old agrophobia now ...........and please do not reply . I would like to bury this thread .
just thought those who helped me needed to know outcome .
love Snow xxxx

---------- Post added at 22:34 ---------- Previous post was at 21:17 ----------

I sound flippant and selfish here
so not .......just my way of coping . my husband is the main focus of course .

[ciccone-hassell]

hey my thoughts and warm wishes goto you all i hope the whole site agree we surport you and your family all the way and u no theres allways someone here to talk to :) huge warm wishes to u and hubby and family xxx mark xx

[haz]

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:xxxxxxxxxxxxx