OU Course..maybe not a good idea.

[debs71]

Hi Friends,

Last week I started an Open University course. As I am still trying to find a job I decided to keep myself occupied (and my brain going) with a course. I chose 'Start Writing Fiction' which runs for 12 weeks.

I am now wondering if it was a wise idea.

I completed my first Tutorial yesterday. The tutor gives you a task. In this case she listed 8 'opening sentences' to choose from. You had to pick one of them and continue writing the beginning of a story, with a 'hook' to reel in the reader. You then post it on the OU student forum for comments and feedback from other students and possibly the tutor. This isn't compulsory, but is good in terms of critiques and learning from others thoughts and opinions.

Well myself and 4 others have done this. They have all commented and offered feedback on each others pieces. Mine has received none.

I know it sounds silly, but I am wondering why I have no comments. I am just thinking to myself that they probably think mine is rubbish. I feel quite demoralised already, and it is reminding me of the kind of cliquey thing you had at school. I wouldn't mind, but today when I checked the forum even the TUTOR has commented on their work, but not mine!!

Half of me is saying give it time. The other is feeling paranoid and anxious that I am not up to par.

I think that if the course is just going to lower my self esteem even further than it is now then it isn't worth it really. I took the course to distract myself from anxiety, not cause it!

Any thoughts appreciated.xxxx:hugs:

[empowered]

Hi Debs71
Firstly, well done for choosing to do something positive and get out of the "vicious cycle":D.

Secondly especially as the tutor has made no comment, did your work actually transmit correctly? I ask, as a few months ago, before I discovered NMP, I joined an American CBT programme and gaily filled in the daily pages and screeds of homework and never had a reply from my online therapist. She finally emailed me and asked why I had not started the programme...... it appeared there was a techy problem which never got resolved. Its very easy to assume the worst and get paranoid:roflmao:

So maybe a quick phone call or email just to see if it was received and do you need to do amendments?

Good luck :hugs: Debs x

[debs71]

Thanks so much Debs!x

Well, I emailed the tutor with my worries. Eventually she did comment on the piece I submitted, and explained that sometimes students do get missed and it takes a while to get into the swing of it all. She suggested that it was a good idea to comment on others work and maybe they will return the favour. I had in fact already done that and still nobody had! Anyway, I think I will just plug on with my work and try not to get too het up about it. I suppose as long as the tutor is at least commenting that is what matters!

Anxiety is such a pain. It makes you worry and paranoid about everything!

Thanks again for your kind reply.xxx:bighug1:

[snowgoose]

Hi Debs :)

Excellent news about your Ou course ..........I love the idea of using your creative side and imagination with crafted writing skills to make an escape through a book . I think lots of us here find escaping into good fiction a perfect distraction. Bet it was fun choosing that sentence to start the story in your mind . x

But hey can completely get how bewildered you are at no comments . Any of us would Debs ..not just the anxiety paranoia at all .
Suspect myself that a group who know each other re other forum or creative writing group near home have enrolled and are simply too involved with them selves to notice they have in cyber land ignored you . Not nice at all .....but not personal to your work or yourself.

You keep going Debs .........love the way you use words on here to comfort others .......you have the skill indeed . no lying !!

I think you will get replies as the course goes on ......sadly the others are too involved with themselves at the moment . It is not NMP .
Let us know how you get on .also is there a creative writing group nearby ?
your local library will know and it may be nice .

love Snow xxxx

[Mr.Jitters]

Hi Debs,

You're so right. Anxiety is such a pain. The most mundane things become comparable to attempting to climb Mount Everest, and we read so much into everything. Our own minds are our worst enemy, they're so powerful. So what you're doing is excellent. I wish I had a creative bone in my body! Think of all that channelled thought becoming your best friend!

I started back to college in September, and agoraphobia and awkwardness won me no friends, it was pretty disheartening, so I can empathise completely. I found that slowly but surely, I made a few friends who were pretty shy or anxious themselves, and lecturers became pretty keen to give me feedback and support - and after 8 weeks of DREADING going to sleep every night, and going to college every morning, I'm now starting to look forward to it. I can feel that this is going to be the thing that pulls me out of my shell, however long it takes. And I hope your course works as well for you!

My advice is to concentrate on the work, and let your personality shine through the forums, and in your work, just like it does on NMP. The whole situation will be turned on its head. How could it not?

Best of luck to you!

Kam :)

[debs71]

Thank you so much Snowy and Mr. Jitters. I really appreciate you both taking the time to post.xxx

Snow - it is funny you say that about them already knowing each other. I noticed on the 'student cafe forum' (which is like NMP in a way, people sharing thoughts and experiences) were chatting as if they knew each other before the course.

Thanks for your encouragement Snowy. Kindness and support from you as always.xx:hugs::hugs:

Kam - God, I can relate to you so much! I remember my first evening in halls at University. I was so scared and anxious and shy to meet the other students and hallmates that I spent the whole evening in my room, eating out of a tin of baked beans as they were all getting to know each other in the kitchen/dining area! Little by little I did make friends and it ended up being the best time of my life socially. You hang in there too hun!

Thanks so much for your kind support and words. They are a real boost to me.

I lack so much confidence with things like this and get in a right tizz. You are right. I will just crack on with the work!
xx:hugs::)

[Mr.Jitters]

And thank you for your kind support and words! Keep on creating, and watch the rewards come flowing in :)

[Bill]

When writing a piece, what really matters is what your readers think so if you share with us I'm sure lots of people would give you their honest opinions. I love sharing my poetry but I know not everyone will like it.:hugs:

[zygfried]

Hi debs71,
I know how that feels, having done an online university course a few years ago. It certainly has the potential to increase anxiety!! Don't take any of it personally, and remember you're doing it for your own pleasure, to explore your own talent and creativity. Writing as a form of self-expression is wonderfully therapeutic and beneficial!! Remember that, and try not to dwell on other's critiques, or lack of 'em!! I may be trying to teach you to suck eggs here, but it may be worth gently challenging and probing any negative reactions or thoughts that may arise when you notice feeling a bit anxious/irked/peeved. A paranoid reaction is normal when you're anxiety prone and sensitive but that doesn't mean to say any underlying thoughts you may have about it are true!! Exploring alternative, less damaging explanations for other's inattention to your work might help defuse things. I myself am very good at saying, eg., he or she must be thinking that (awful thing about me) when I'm expecting perhaps a different 'reaction' of some kind and anxious as to why I'm not getting it -and I have to keep reminding myself that I can't possibly know what that other person is thinking - about me, or anything else!!
So good luck with it!! I'm sure you'll be absolutely fine. Just try and enjoy!! Take care.

[debs71]

Hi debs71,
I know how that feels, having done an online university course a few years ago. It certainly has the potential to increase anxiety!! Don't take any of it personally, and remember you're doing it for your own pleasure, to explore your own talent and creativity. Writing as a form of self-expression is wonderfully therapeutic and beneficial!! Remember that, and try not to dwell on other's critiques, or lack of 'em!! I may be trying to teach you to suck eggs here, but it may be worth gently challenging and probing any negative reactions or thoughts that may arise when you notice feeling a bit anxious/irked/peeved. A paranoid reaction is normal when you're anxiety prone and sensitive but that doesn't mean to say any underlying thoughts you may have about it are true!! Exploring alternative, less damaging explanations for other's inattention to your work might help defuse things. I myself am very good at saying, eg., he or she must be thinking that (awful thing about me) when I'm expecting perhaps a different 'reaction' of some kind and anxious as to why I'm not getting it -and I have to keep reminding myself that I can't possibly know what that other person is thinking - about me, or anything else!!
So good luck with it!! I'm sure you'll be absolutely fine. Just try and enjoy!! Take care.

I'm really grateful for your reply Zygfried as you have hit the nail on the head. I think it is less about the other students and more about me and the way I react to stuff. I take everything so personally and as if people hate me, even though they can't possibly as they don't even know me. I think this stems from low self esteem.

I realte to you very strongly about assuming people think awful stuff about you. I always think the worst rather than letting it wash over me. I wish I could rid myself of that, but after 40 years, I doubt I will! You are right about toning down my assumptions and negative thoughts. I am far too defensive. I am wondering now if this is just my own personality or the anxiety? Are they one in the same? I don't know.

Thanks for your kind encouragement.xxx:hugs:

[Hazel B]

Well done on starting the course. I bet it's just a "newbie" thing and it may take a little while for you to be accepted in the group, nothing more. I went to a charity dance for a cancer charity a few weeks ago and hadn't been told it was for "ceroc" experts who all go to classes together in the county. I felt right left out then thought, sod it, I'll dance by myself and then go & offer to buy a stranger a drink. It worked!

Sometimes you just need to break the ice, especially if you're in the South. I'm from the North originally and find that southern people can be more stand-offish at first when you're new. (Sorry to all friendly southerners, no insult intended!)

Keep at it and try not to let it upset you too much. :hugs:

[macc noodle]

Debs

I am sure that it is just as the tutor says and that your work will be noted and critiqued in due course and then my sweet you will worry and question every nuance or possible hidden agenda behind the comments won't you? :D

Well done you for having the confidence to try the course in the first place it shows your determination to keep on trying to move forward. I am sure that in a few weeks when you are in full creative flow and have made contact with a few of your other course members on line that you will thoroughly enjoy your learning.

Keep on at it honey and enjoy it :hugs:

Macc Noodle
xxx

[zygfried]

You're very welcome!! I too am over 40 and have often wondered if it is just part of my personality, and whether it's now so ingrained as to be stuck forever more!! I'm hoping not...I've noticed that by starting to challenge stuff a bit, it does make me feel a bit less stuck and more hopeful of change. Though I can't yet do it at the time, only afterwards!! Practice, practice...
Let us all know how you get on!! Take carexx