im so desperate

[R.Barratt]

i am so desperate to have a good relationship with my mum. i love her so much. but she seems to love me one minute and hate me the next.
things happened to me as child bad things. she has choose to ignore them rather than support me. i am now living on my own but i am still desperate for her love.
my 17th birthday is coming up in less than a month and i want to be happy and excited about it like anyone else would but i am nervous because i dont know what mums mood will be like or if i will get a present or even get to see her. i am feeling very depressed right now

[Chem]

No matter what our parents do to us, we always want their love :hugs:

You're living in your own place now. How about sending your mum an invitation to lunch or dinner at your place to celebrate your birthday? Or to a meeting at a cafe for a coffee? Her reply would let you know if she was likely to come or not. The answer might hurt, but at least you'd know. And eating is a great thing to do to difuse an emotional situation. Your hands and eyes are busy with the food, but you can talk and be together.

Have you thought about councelling to talk through what happened and how you feel? Your doctor could refer you. I know from my own experience how painful and complicated your situation is. Your mum must have her own nightmares about it and probably was too scared for herself to be able to help you, rather than choosing not to. You've moved out and now you need to be able to move on. Maybe the time is right for some therapy to help you out of the shadow of the past.

[R.Barratt]

i know my mum loves me deep down but she isnt like me she struggles to talk about feelings and emmotions.
thats actually a really good idea i might try that thank you. i guess sometimes you need someone elses perspective on the issue at hand.
the difficult thing is how up and down she is one minute she can be hugging me saying how much she loves me and then she can be screaming in my face saying how much she hates me.
i understand a relationship cant be perfect but i just want a bit of concistancy.
i have gone to my mum, dad and a councillor about what happened to me as a child but they have never done anything about it so now i am reluctant to talk about i tagain incase i dont get any help as i know i will then blame myself and believe i deserved it.
please private message me about yourself maybe i can help you with some of your issues i feel like i really owe you after all your great advice thank you:blush:

[Chem]

Whatever anyone says, there is no way a child can deserve the things adults do to them. They are the ones with the responsibility of care to you. Please never blame yourself. :hugs:

You don't owe me anything at all. I'm pleased if I could help a little. We all share what we can of our various experiences here on nmp so we can support each other.