Anxietyriddled
03-11-11, 16:24
Hi all, I am new to this site, this is my first post. I have been reading the site for a few months as I knew I was getting worse before having a nervous breakdown 2 months ago.
I'm not new to anxiety, I've been aware of the issue since the age of 7-8 and have used many distructive things to try and self medicate.....food, shopping, alcohol, you name it, I've probably done it.
I've conquered most of my isms hence why I am left with the root cause. My head.....my anxiety.....scaredof living, scared of dying, scared of not being good enough.
After 5 weeks off work I returned and now I am on my third week of a phased return. I'm on the full dose of escitalopram, have started dipping into hobbies and generally am taking better care of myself. I will be receiving an appt to start cbt any day now and attend an alcohol support group. Sounds text book? I've read a lot!
I've worked very hard to reach my current position and have a very blessed life. On the outside everything is very "together". I am a successful mother of two young children.
So why do I feel no better? On one of my days off, I sat trembling on my sofa for several hours. I get all the symptoms which I'm now coming to terms with are due to my anxiety, but I'm frustrated that my mind is still sluggish, I still can't concentrate and I when I leave work all the physical symptoms come back. It's all so slow. I'm scared that my employer will just get pissed off and find an excuse to make me redundant. Big corporations have a knack of losing people like me and whilst I know I'm not incompetent, I can't tell them when I'll be better. I'm scared everything I have worked for will be lost.
Hmmmmm, anyway. I'm rambling. Not sure what I'm asking, but just wanted to get it out there.
Take care all
K x
I'm not new to anxiety, I've been aware of the issue since the age of 7-8 and have used many distructive things to try and self medicate.....food, shopping, alcohol, you name it, I've probably done it.
I've conquered most of my isms hence why I am left with the root cause. My head.....my anxiety.....scaredof living, scared of dying, scared of not being good enough.
After 5 weeks off work I returned and now I am on my third week of a phased return. I'm on the full dose of escitalopram, have started dipping into hobbies and generally am taking better care of myself. I will be receiving an appt to start cbt any day now and attend an alcohol support group. Sounds text book? I've read a lot!
I've worked very hard to reach my current position and have a very blessed life. On the outside everything is very "together". I am a successful mother of two young children.
So why do I feel no better? On one of my days off, I sat trembling on my sofa for several hours. I get all the symptoms which I'm now coming to terms with are due to my anxiety, but I'm frustrated that my mind is still sluggish, I still can't concentrate and I when I leave work all the physical symptoms come back. It's all so slow. I'm scared that my employer will just get pissed off and find an excuse to make me redundant. Big corporations have a knack of losing people like me and whilst I know I'm not incompetent, I can't tell them when I'll be better. I'm scared everything I have worked for will be lost.
Hmmmmm, anyway. I'm rambling. Not sure what I'm asking, but just wanted to get it out there.
Take care all
K x