Really struggling today......

[Dan21]

Sorry to post with what amounts to nothing more than a rant really, but today is proving to be really difficult.

I know I should be trying to stay positive, but I can feel the anxiety and depression looming like a big cloud.

My Dad was diagnosed with cancer of the bladder at new year and thankfully, they have been able to oporate, but he's back in hospital now with trouble breathing. He had pneumonia just before the op and I think its another onset of this myself. But, I'm living away from home presently and I feel so guilty about not being back to support my Mam and Dad. It's really hard to bear, being so far away while Dad is ill again. They are back in Cumbria and I'm living in Worcester.

I cant shake this feeling of guilt, that I should be back helping them out. But, I have work commitments down here as does my wife and all I want to do is get out of here and go back to Cumbria. It's really bringing me down. I'm travelling back home once every two or three weeks, but it's becoming really expensive.

Sorry to rant, but I really dont feel like a very good son at the moment.



-----------------------------
I want to go up to my anxiety, smile, put my arm around it and say to it caringly, 'Hey! How are you? How's your day been?'

Then, just as its about to answer me, I wanna throw a sack over it and give it a hiding within an inch of its life.

That would be nice.

[MrMonkey]

Its that horrid feeling of wanting to control something that you can't, well, I'm afraid youjust have to accept that if you can't be there you can't be there. If some time comes up then take it, if you can make a phone call then make it, but you have to accept that thinks out of your control will stay out of your control. Once you stop worrying about that, youc an start enjoying the things youc an control. Hope you feel better soon.

* * *
It's just my high anxiety getting to the best of me. I call him Bingbongilypoop. Then I can laugh at him cos he has a funny name. HAHA! [points]

[joolsukuk]

hi
sorry to hear about your dad, but as mr monkey says if you cant be there, you cant..im sure your mum and dad understand, and your going when you can.hope things get better for you all.

jools xx

[Louise]

Hi Dan, in situations like these we do the best we can at the time. You are doing the very best you can for your Dad and your family, I'm sure they know this and appreciate it. Don't beat yourself up over this, I have been in a similar situation with 2 family members in 2 different hospitals at the same time, you can't be in two places at once, so when you are with your Dad, do the best you can for him and when you need to be at home with your wife, do the best you can for her but don't forget yourself too. Be kinder to yourself, you are doing your very best and that ought to be enough for everyone. Best wishes.

[Dan21]

Thanks for all the kind messages. They really do help.

I guess its just been a bad week all in all. Work has been particularly trying this week, and when you have so much other stuff going on in your life, it just feels like the world is on your shoulders from time to time.

Thanks again.

x

-----------------------------
I want to go up to my anxiety, smile, put my arm around it and say to it caringly, 'Hey! How are you? How's your day been?'

Then, just as its about to answer me, I wanna throw a sack over it and give it a hiding within an inch of its life.

That would be nice.

[marie ross]

Hi Dan,

Don't feel guilty, i'm sure your dad would'nt want you to be feeling so bad about everything. Your not a bad son, just by posting your message shows how caring and concerned you really are. It's not a nice situation to be in, but you are doing the best you can do in these circumstances. I truly hope that your dad gets better soon. Take care.

Marie XXX

[jackie]

dan we all have days like this, but i was wondering if there was any way you could take some leave to spend quality time with your folks, it really would be precious

surely your work would understand

jackie

[Coni]

Hi Dan,

I agree with everything thats already been said. You're not a bad son, you're doing your best in a less than ideal situation. I'm sure your mum and dad wouldnt want you stressing over not being able to be there and I'm sure they really appreciate the times when you can be with them. They must also be really proud to have such a considerate son.

I'm so sorry your dad is ill, and of course you must be worried. Maybe Jackie is right and you can take some time off? In the meantime be kind to yourself, this is a difficult time for you.

Hope things improve soon.

Take care

Coni X

[Karen]

Hi Dan

From what I can see you are a very caring and loving son who is doing all he can in what a very difficult circumstances.

The way you are feeling is totally understandable and I think any of us would want to be with the person we love at a time like this. You can only do so much though and I expect your dad is very pleased to see you on the times you do manage to visit. So don't give yourself a hard time about it.

We all wish your dad a speedy recovery and hope you feel better too. Feel free to rant and ask for support whenever you need it.

Karen



Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey