what is going on?!!!

[reece_89]

Hi everyone,

Sorry this is probably going to be very long..sorry i dont want to waste anyones time.

I suppose im writing here because I want some advice from REAL people, not just CPNs/doctors/counsellors/parents/friends etc (i'm sure you know what i mean!)

Basically im a 'normal' student with a 'normal' life. I was diagnosed with depression back in Feb when everything seemed to be just going wrong. I wasnt eating/sleeping/doing much at all and life seemed pretty pointless. I left uni because of this.

I started in citalopram 20mg which was later upped to 40mg. After taking an overdose (i don't know why it just seemed a good idea) i was seeing a CPN at my GP surgery (who was completely useless) and basically my meds were stopped and they seemed to think i was wasting their time.

So in Sept i went back to uni. Evrything was great then suddenly out of nowhere everything crashed down and everything was sooo bad. I felt low, not in control, life was pointless again and suicide attempt number two occured.

I just cant seem to keep in the same mood/frame of mind. I feel like ive got two personalities: one that wants to life and one that doesnt. I feel so ridiculous.

I recently started Mirtazapine because i wasnt sleeping again. Since that my confidence grew to the point i didnt recognise myself..and now I feel so low again. One minute i feel as though im happy/important/special the next im nothing and not worthy of life.

Does anyone know how this feels? My counsellor referred me to a pyschiartrist to see if he could give me a 'diagnosis' and he said even he was confused! Im not sure what exactly is wrong, but this is intereferring with my entire life! I dont know what i believe in/what i want to do/whether i want to live/who i am. It changes so quickly!!

Can anyone relate????

---------- Post added at 02:59 ---------- Previous post was at 02:44 ----------

Ive just realised that doesnt make much sense.. (sorry!) The following list of events hopefully will clarify things. Sorry im writing alot-im currently in a bit of a hyper mood where im hyper/fidgety/cant sleep/but DESPERATE (i hope someone can understand)

was at uni then depressed hit
started citalopram
left uni because everything was too much
went back home and GP referred me to CPN
before seeing the CPNs i overdosed and at same time GP took me off Citalopram ("to teach me a lesson"
CPNs bascially were patronising not helpful
things imroved
went back to uni
couldnt cope so booked appointment with counsellor
overdosed again
counsellor booked appointment for me to see DR
DR perscribed sertraline
i couldnt sleep at all (4days no sleep)
counsellor asked me to see pyschiatrist who wrote to DR recomending mirtazapine
GP perscribed mirtazapine
now i feel great/low/not me/motivated/low/whats the point/im fine : basically stuck in the same cycle of being 'OK' and not :s

[Anxious_gal]

You're overdose may have been caused by CIT, antidepressants can make you suicidal too .
The doctors are useless , my god couldn't give you a diagnosis! After years of medical school?
Get a YOUNG physiatrist , maybe female. They are more with the times.

I would guess you have some sort of depression.
Therapy , positive thinking , omega 3 , CBT and maybe meds are all good things to try.

Do you find small things overwhelm you?
That you can't take stress , you don't have the energy to cope with problems so you hide away , ignore them?

Do you get motivated then that's followed with oh what's the point type feelings?

Are you less interested in things that used to give you pleasure?

Do you find it hard to connect with people , feel people don't care or understand you?

Are there things , events in your life that may be causing your depression?

---------- Post added at 03:55 ---------- Previous post was at 03:52 ----------

You're overdose may have been caused by CIT, antidepressants can make you suicidal too .
The doctors are useless , my god couldn't give you a diagnosis! After years of medical school?
Get a YOUNG physiatrist , maybe female. They are more with the times.

I would guess you have some sort of depression.
Therapy , positive thinking , omega 3 , CBT and maybe meds are all good things to try.

Do you find small things overwhelm you?
That you can't take stress , you don't have the energy to cope with problems so you hide away , ignore them?

Do you get motivated then that's followed with oh what's the point type feelings?

Are you less interested in things that used to give you pleasure?

Do you find it hard to connect with people , feel people don't care or understand you?

Are there things , events in your life that may be causing your depression?

[alone]

maybe uni is not 4 u . its not for every one

[missy_c]

I found that I quit school (6th form) because of anxiety and depression. I had a few months off, and had started taking st johns wort, then went to college - and passed my exams. Went on to uni no problem at all and passed my degree, but depression and anxiety do come back to haunt me. You can do the uni thing...it's just the depression that you need to deal with. Have you tried some therapies as well as the mirtazipine? You should mention to your GP about the moods on mirtazipine, and to be referred maybe back to the psychiatrist? Although it is normal sometimes to have down days and up days when you are on meds too. x

[xhyperyogix]

totally relate!! I feel up, then down and then somewhere in between, etc etc bla bla...and it begins again...

i describe it like being in a cyclone, and then you have no idea where you are going to get dumped next. and where you get dumped is just what you have to deal with each time. (i must admit i love the hyper bit at first, dump me there ANY TIME, until it goes too far and out of control)
:roflmao:
can you get some consistant counselling / therapy, like once a week for as long as you need to? it may be you need to talk through things that trigger it, whether that be meds, or life events. and learn to 'know yourself - agggrhhh sooo hard!!'

don't let it stop you going to uni!

love hyper xxxx

[reece_89]

Thanks for the responses everyone :)

Mishel I agree that Citalopram probably wasnt the best drug for me.

Im currently seeing a counsellor weekly (this time someone who is actually helpful!)

Sometimes small things overwhelm, other times im fine, and sometimes im capable of anything..overly confident and not myself. It would be nice to stay the confident person all the time!


I tend to get low for a few days which is then followed by the "what have i been doing for the last few days pull yourself together -everything OK" When in this mood i genuinely beleive that my life is absolutely amazing.

Like last night just before my post I was making plans to enroll on some sort of extra short coruse alongside my degree (completely impractical seen as im already behind on my current degree) I suppose I make stupid irrational spontaneous decisions.

Today I stayed in bed all day and didnt want to do anything. Friends invited me to go outto watcn fireworks and I said no. Out of nowhere I jumped oout of bed and joined them wanting to definately when only ten minutes before I wanted to stay in bed all night alone???:wacko:

Seeing the DR monday and will tell him yet again about the mood changes! The mood changes are the reason I went in the first place-i agree with Hyperyogi completely!!

Thing bad, things great, things in between, great, better than great then out of nowhere bad.

"learn to 'know yourself - agggrhhh sooo hard!!"- AGREED you have no idea who you really are!!:unsure:

Im glad some people can relate..especially after being told by an 'expert' they dont understand!