Jbgood
26-05-06, 15:34
Firstly I'd like to say what a great and helpul site this is, it's strange to read the posts because i can relate to nearly all of the people here. Health anxiety is the hardest thing i have had to deal with in my life and I sympathise with each and every one of you who is going through this.
My own health anxiety started when I was 18 for no real reason. I was in a great relationship with my girlfriend and in a fairly good job for my age. I had little to worry about. One day i found a lump on my neck which was a simple swollen lymph node. At the time i had no idea what the lump was and i started to dream up all sorts of possible causes, such as cancer etc. I went to the doctors and he told me that my glands were slightly swollen and sent me on my way. that should have been the end of it, but for some reason my fears about this lump did not end and i started examining my neck for other lumps. Of course i found several other similar lumps because There are many lymph nodes in the neck. I even used to really dig my fingers into my neck to check for lumps, and of course i found quite a few of them. That was it for me, i knew i had something and i began to get more and more anxious.
I really tested the patience of my doctor, i was at his office at least once a week for a few months and after several blood tests and physical exams which the doctor insisted were non needed, but did them anyway to shut me up, I stopped panicing for about a week.
After a week i started to get anxious again because out of nowhere I realised that my swollen glads could be due to HIV infection. Thats where the anxiety got really bad. I couldnt help thinking "what if I have HIV? "What if i have infected my girlfriend?" These thoughts sent the fear of god into me. I was more worried about my girlfriend than about myself, i was genuinely worried that i had ruined her life. I went back to my doctors and he said that I was VERY unlikely to have HIV given my sexual history. He did not test me, and i did not go and get tested. this was my biggest mistake because rather than getting my biggest fear behind me, i just let let it eat at me for several years until eventually i did pluck up the courage to get tested. Negative of course, but it was too late, my health anxiety was now deep seated and my brain just moved on to the next possible thing that could be wrong with me.
By now I had stmptoms of the anxiety itself.. Rapid heart beat, heart palputations, irregular breathing, lack of concentration etc.
(I'll just quickly add here that anyone with heart flutters or palputations should be very aware that they ARE caused by the anxiety, and very rarely anything else)
With these symptoms i persuaded myself that i had a heart defect. This went on for ages, but this time i did not go to the doctors, I was too scared. One day i was having a meal with a friend and i started to get palputations. i got scared and and faked chest pains and asked someone to call a ambulance (very embarrassed by this now). The ambulance took me to hospital where they performed an ECG. Completely normal results of course.
Since developing health anxiety I have had fears of many conditions which at one time or another i have convinced myself I have...
HIV
Brain cancer
Epilepsy (god knows why i thought that)
Testicular cancer
Heart condition
Syphillis
MS
I still get axiety now, in fact i am going through the worst bout of anxiety i've had since I 18 right now. Its hard, it's really hard, but i have had fear so many times and never had anything wrong with me, a small peice of the back of my mind knows that i am just going through yet another bout of health anxiety.
If the internet had been around when i was 18 i think i would have been in serious trouble. Although forums like this are great for people with this condition, the lists of symptoms on many health websites are hard for us to resist. I have spent too many hours reading about the symptoms of various conditions and deseases on the internet, and it only serves to make anxiety a great deal worse. I
My own health anxiety started when I was 18 for no real reason. I was in a great relationship with my girlfriend and in a fairly good job for my age. I had little to worry about. One day i found a lump on my neck which was a simple swollen lymph node. At the time i had no idea what the lump was and i started to dream up all sorts of possible causes, such as cancer etc. I went to the doctors and he told me that my glands were slightly swollen and sent me on my way. that should have been the end of it, but for some reason my fears about this lump did not end and i started examining my neck for other lumps. Of course i found several other similar lumps because There are many lymph nodes in the neck. I even used to really dig my fingers into my neck to check for lumps, and of course i found quite a few of them. That was it for me, i knew i had something and i began to get more and more anxious.
I really tested the patience of my doctor, i was at his office at least once a week for a few months and after several blood tests and physical exams which the doctor insisted were non needed, but did them anyway to shut me up, I stopped panicing for about a week.
After a week i started to get anxious again because out of nowhere I realised that my swollen glads could be due to HIV infection. Thats where the anxiety got really bad. I couldnt help thinking "what if I have HIV? "What if i have infected my girlfriend?" These thoughts sent the fear of god into me. I was more worried about my girlfriend than about myself, i was genuinely worried that i had ruined her life. I went back to my doctors and he said that I was VERY unlikely to have HIV given my sexual history. He did not test me, and i did not go and get tested. this was my biggest mistake because rather than getting my biggest fear behind me, i just let let it eat at me for several years until eventually i did pluck up the courage to get tested. Negative of course, but it was too late, my health anxiety was now deep seated and my brain just moved on to the next possible thing that could be wrong with me.
By now I had stmptoms of the anxiety itself.. Rapid heart beat, heart palputations, irregular breathing, lack of concentration etc.
(I'll just quickly add here that anyone with heart flutters or palputations should be very aware that they ARE caused by the anxiety, and very rarely anything else)
With these symptoms i persuaded myself that i had a heart defect. This went on for ages, but this time i did not go to the doctors, I was too scared. One day i was having a meal with a friend and i started to get palputations. i got scared and and faked chest pains and asked someone to call a ambulance (very embarrassed by this now). The ambulance took me to hospital where they performed an ECG. Completely normal results of course.
Since developing health anxiety I have had fears of many conditions which at one time or another i have convinced myself I have...
HIV
Brain cancer
Epilepsy (god knows why i thought that)
Testicular cancer
Heart condition
Syphillis
MS
I still get axiety now, in fact i am going through the worst bout of anxiety i've had since I 18 right now. Its hard, it's really hard, but i have had fear so many times and never had anything wrong with me, a small peice of the back of my mind knows that i am just going through yet another bout of health anxiety.
If the internet had been around when i was 18 i think i would have been in serious trouble. Although forums like this are great for people with this condition, the lists of symptoms on many health websites are hard for us to resist. I have spent too many hours reading about the symptoms of various conditions and deseases on the internet, and it only serves to make anxiety a great deal worse. I