rblt94
08-11-11, 03:01
I'm known for having anxiety attacks because the definition of one is that you bring it upon yourself but I've heard that panic attacks are when you don't have control over your stress and it just happens randomly and then it passes. Last year at school, I'm 17, I was in my science class and I hit my knee on the side of a table and then I started feeling funny. Like I was going to throw up and I started to black out so I asked to go to the bathroom and I felt like my legs were going to give out underneath me but I found the door and turned the hallway and used the wall as a guide for my back to slide down to sit on the cold floor. There was no way I was going to make it to the bathroom further down. So all I could do was rest my head on my knees and sweat it out. And believe me, I did. And as soon as the flash of panic made me endure it's worse with the nausea and the dizziness, the hot sweat drenching my back, my arms, my legs, and my face turned into a brisk chill and I felt renewed. I didn't understand it. I told my aunt about the episode and she said it was probably a panic attack. Well the same thing happened today but it wasn't promoted by me running into the side of a table. I was waiting in the lunch line and I started to feel funny..like I was going to puke from an anxiety attack and i thought maybe I shouldn't eat thinking of what the outcome could be and school is one of the last places I would want that to happen in. But I ignored it and ate anyways. Afterwards I was telling a friend a story and I started to feel it again and thought the worst since I actually had food in my stomach so I made my way towards the bathroom. I was getting so annoyed with this girl walking so slow in front of me and she didn't get the hint that I was kind of in a hurry as she didn't really move aside. It pissed me off to the extreme thinking, "I'm just trying to be a normal person like you and hide what is about to happen and you're going to take your sweet time." I was so pissed. I finally made it into a stall and sat there with my head against my knees an I just kept trying to breathe through it thinking I wasn't going to make it to my next class. My stomach was in nauseating knots and my hairline was drenched with sweat. My vision was still spotted with black spots. I made it thru just in time and was convinced to text my mom to sign me out so I could go home and feel safe but I managed to push thru the rest of my classes and have made a verdict that I'm just going to play it safe for a while and not eat at school until I start to feel control over my situation. I'm tired of having to hide this illness just to fit in and be normal.