Am I just "imagining / causing" this feeling because of my anxiety?

[StarChick]

Oh where to start. I've always been an anxious person but never this anxious!! I usually only feel anxious for a couple of hours / days at least, this has been weeks and i am driving myself crazy! It all started about 6 weeks ago when I found a lump in my head. Naturally, I panicked and got scared. I went to the doctor the same day and she wasn't concerned. She said to keep an eye on it and if it got bigger to go back. well luckily, it disappeared after about a week and a half. However, ever since then I think I have just got a bit obsessed about every little ache or twinge I feel in my neck and head area. At first, I thought I felt a sort of pins and needles type feeling in part of my head though I could feel it if I touched it (so it wasn't numb), then I felt as if I had a small lump underneath my scalp round about the same area as the pins and needles feeling though there was nothing there when i felt it. It just felt like there was something in my head. I got tired of worrying so went back to my doctor to explain how I was feeling. She checked my neck, eyes, ears, mouth and found nothing wrong. She said she had no cause for concern but could sense my anxiety and gave me some info about getting some help / counselling with it if I wish. She reassured me and did say that she didn't want me to be worried about going back to her if the symptoms persisted, she would be happy to listen. So I felt much better after talking to her.

That was about 3 weeks ago and I've still been having problems with my neck and head and it's always the same side and area. But the thing is, the pain isn't really painful if that makes sense? It isn't terribly sore, just off putting. The "pain" is actually quite minor and would probably go unnoticed if I hadn't have been so obsessed as I have been the last couple of weeks. The feeling I am currently experiencing is a slight heaviness feeling on one side of my head and very slight shooting / sharp pains in my neck - on the same side as my head feeling. I don't know if it's me who is causing these feelings because I am so anxious / obsessed / stressed out with every little feeling due to my lump scare. In fact, I'd say I most likely am but it is so hard not to think about it. I think about it all day even though I try not to and it's really getting me down. I go to sleep hoping I will wake up the next day and not feel scared by any slight twinges I may feel but then wake up dreading that I do feel something. I just want to get on with my life and enjoy myself without worrying about every slight ache and pain. I've never taken so many painkillers than I have in these last couple of weeks (meaning that I have been taking them pretty daily usually once or sometimes twice a day when before it would be very rare that I'd take them) and I feel guilty for taking them because I don't really think my "pain" merits them because it isn't really that sore and I have gone longer without painkillers before when i have had actual painful headaches and have managed fine.

Do you think it's all just in mind? My doctor did say I'd be amazed by how much the mind can make you feel something physically. I suffer slightly with IBS also and my mum has always said that it's all in the mind. Not that I am imagining the feeling / pain because obviously she believes that I do feel the pain but that the more I think about it, the more I will feel it / bring it on. Which has proven to be true especially with the IBS because if I know there's not a toilet nearby, I will panic and immediately feel I need to go but the minute I know there is a toilet nearby I will feel fine.

I'd appreciate any advice / similar experiences. It would help me to feel not so crazy!!

---------- Post added at 14:58 ---------- Previous post was at 14:46 ----------

Another thing to add is that whenever I feel these slight twinges / aches in my head and neck, I feel terrified to touch it in case I feel another lump =(

[Humly]

Hi Starchick. It is totally true that anxiety can make you feel all sorts of symptoms. I completely understand what you are going through as I've been there myself and I too have always been an anxious person. Mine started off when I found some blood when I went to the toilet and I flew down the docs that day terrified that it was something serious. As it happened I saw a young locum doctor who said it was normal practice to refer for further investigation in cases like this. I do believe that if I had seen one of the regular more experienced docs they would have told me to go away and see if it happened again, which it didnt, instead of sending me to see somebody else. So that was it for me, I was shocked beyond belief and for no reason as the consultant was not concerned at all when I got to see him, thankfully a short time later. But that started me off big time with the health anxiety and the worrying about every little sensation and pain, spot and bump and I've worried over so many different things over the past 10 years which all came to nothing.

Its just dreadful and you have these thoughts going around and around in your head constantly and it just wears you out. I ended up going on anti depressants in the end and they truely did help. But I never did admit just how anxious I was and I would often breeze into the docs for one thing or another pretending that I wasnt really bothered when I was dying inside. Totally the wrong thing to do but I am still embarassed abut the way I am.

Why dont you go back to the doc and have a chat and maybe she can give you some further help. And remember that you are not alone in this as we all here have gone through the same thing. Good luck.

[Sarah Louise]

Hi StarChick,

Sounds like you are having a tough time of it! I can relate to your post i use to be exactly the same with lumps and bumps checking everywhere for them i have some lymphnodes in my neck and i was convinced it was cancer or something and the doctors were wrong! I also use to suffer with heaviness on one side of my head and very bad pains in my neck it use to be stiff too.

I was so convinced i had a tumor somewhere i read on google about the syptoms of tumors. Low and behold i started thinking i had lost the feeling in my arms and that i was getting double vision! I convinced the doctors something was very wrong because on my daughter i seriously believed i had a tumor that they gave me an MRI Scan. And Guess what it was as clear as a whistle i was just suffering from tension headaches and why because with anxiety comes tensions bubba xxxx

Its the worst feeling in the whole wide world the feeling that your going mad and that something is very wrong with you but you feel no one is listening i use to feel like a joke!

You can overcome this with determination and help you need to go to the doctors and ask for some CBT bubba its very hard to do this on your own with out help guidence and support.

I really hope this helps you and if you need to talk inbox me!

[StarChick]

Thank you for your replies. You have really made me feel so much better already. I think it helps to know I am not the only one experiencing these feelings because sometimes i do think that and think I'm just insane so it is so good that others can relate and that I can talk about it here because the only person i really talk to about it is my mum and I don't want to wear her down because it seems like I have a new pain every day.

I'm definitely going to keep an eye on things and think about going back to my doctor. Just getting things off my chest here and reading your responses has made the feeling go away for the moment which is good. It's almost like if I feel fine I start to wonder why or think it's too good to be true and then I start to focus in on what I can feel in my head and neck. It's just that awful feeling of dread I hate as soon as I feel something and feel too scared to touch it in case there is a lump. And I'm sure you will agree with me that the more you tell yourself not to think about it, the more you end up thinking about it! It's a vicious circle!!

[Sarah Louise]

Its the vicious thought cycle that causes the anxiety you are feeling bubba. The best advice i can offer is to write a thoughts diary it is also giving you something positive to do. This will help you get it out of your mind and you can also see what you are feeling thinking, do columns with what ur doing when you feel anxious, what you physically feel and a percentage on how true you believe the physical symptoms are real, then write your thoughts around it. It will also help the doctor diagnose you. Dont worry about you mum my mums has been lsitening to me for 4 years and i was still crying on the phone to her this morning because i feel anxious xxx

You are really not alone Bubba every single person on here has probably felt the same at some point and we have all felt reassured when we realise actually i am not alone. But the key to beating this is stop asking for the reassurance hard stuff!! xxx