rblt94
09-11-11, 18:57
Last night I was at my boyfriend's house and we were about to get into our first arguement after dating for 6 months and I began to feel sick aka anxiety attack. I was laying on his bed and he wasn't saying anything and I just started to feel nauseous and was just thinking of all the safety plans I have formulated such as just sitting in the bathroom alone for a little bit to calm myself down without him there or to walk out to my car and take a breather. He knows all about my anxiety and kept asking me if my stomach hurt and I told him I was fine. But in the meantime of all the fuzziness I realized that I was only focusing on the safety plans convincing myself that something is going to happen. I was more focused on that than trying to calm myself down. I've always focused on the "what ifs" and the symptoms I was feeling other than overcoming them. I'm sick of it (no pun intended) and who isn't tired of anxiety that has a disorder? It runs our lives and we feel so much resentment to it but we just let it take control because we don't know how to overcome it. It's a slient battle within ourselves. Last night I took a stand and just said, "no, I don't have to leave or puke, I am perfectly fine. I'm going to take on this feeling for what it is and then let it pass." And I started to count backwards from 100 and it actually worked. The problem is that I know all of these coping mechanisms but I've never carried thru with them or disciplined myself. No one else is going to or can do it for me. I'm not going to let my anxiety run my life. Yes, my anxiety is part of me but I can control it and I can overcome it. It is just part of me and it has made me the person that I am today that I wouldn't trade for the world. Don't be ashamed.