heavymind
28-05-06, 17:44
Hi,
I had been finding it hard to be on a regular routine and felt I should stop my regular coping up routine for sometime, because i was feeling that the regular routine, itsolelf was being stressful. But however it was keeping me in good mental and physical shape. After having stoped it for around a month and a half now, i just restarted it this morning. But had just a single mug of beer in the evening. This seems to have done a lot of damage. I was very depressed, and sort of i think i might still be a bit. Thoughts have been suicidal, for the first time in my life. But now I have made a determination that I will some how ensure that I dont get such thoughts again. I thought of my loving father and how bad he would feel and was crying. I am confident I will pull through, but in the midst of loneliness that is killing me, atleast I am trying to seek some strangers strange words. Or atleast pour the heart somewhere.... why is it so hard for us to hold on to a good quality of life. Why do we slip into pain in cycles. I need to get back up again, but it requires so much of effort. Let it take effort, but I need to be determined to come back up again. God, that I dont believe in, give the courage. The prayer itself is what god is and I hope i will pray enough to get over with it. It all started when i prayed death to god. But I need to stop such prayer once for all. Some how never again.
I am incredibly capable in some of my talent areas. But historically my emotions have been keeping me from making the fullest out of them. Which inturn causes more emotional pain. <@@>
Ram
I had been finding it hard to be on a regular routine and felt I should stop my regular coping up routine for sometime, because i was feeling that the regular routine, itsolelf was being stressful. But however it was keeping me in good mental and physical shape. After having stoped it for around a month and a half now, i just restarted it this morning. But had just a single mug of beer in the evening. This seems to have done a lot of damage. I was very depressed, and sort of i think i might still be a bit. Thoughts have been suicidal, for the first time in my life. But now I have made a determination that I will some how ensure that I dont get such thoughts again. I thought of my loving father and how bad he would feel and was crying. I am confident I will pull through, but in the midst of loneliness that is killing me, atleast I am trying to seek some strangers strange words. Or atleast pour the heart somewhere.... why is it so hard for us to hold on to a good quality of life. Why do we slip into pain in cycles. I need to get back up again, but it requires so much of effort. Let it take effort, but I need to be determined to come back up again. God, that I dont believe in, give the courage. The prayer itself is what god is and I hope i will pray enough to get over with it. It all started when i prayed death to god. But I need to stop such prayer once for all. Some how never again.
I am incredibly capable in some of my talent areas. But historically my emotions have been keeping me from making the fullest out of them. Which inturn causes more emotional pain. <@@>
Ram